Spirits: Who Cares?

One of the better characters on H2O is Hotaru, a delightful ghost girl. She’s slutty, mischievous, etc…, everything you want in a ghost. There’s just one problem: everyone refers to her as a spirit.

She’s not a spirit; she’s a ghost. Get it right. Ghosts rock my soul. Spirits sock my roll. Even the evilest spirits don’t hold a candle to the most ambiguously gay ghosts.

Ghosts: The apparition of a dead person, especially one believed to appear in bodily likeness to living persons or to haunt former habitats

Spirits: An incorporeal but ubiquitous, non-quantifiable substance or energy present individually in all living things (even the definition is boring)

Long story short, ghosts are dead and haunt the living. They vengefully defy the laws of the afterlife to stir chaos in the human world. Spirits, on the other hand, don’t have to contribute anything. They don’t have to haunt anyone. They don’t have to be tragic ethereal manifestations of the deceased. They only exist to screw around and waste our time.

Apparently some people like spirits. That’s because they’re hippies. Why else would Mushishi be so popular? The Sore Feet Song? Put on some shoes and get a job. While you’re at it, quit dancing to fake Indian music (which is almost as shitty as the real thing).

Why can’t spirits be more like ghosts, haunting children and eating their food?

Speaking of eating other people’s food, I wish I still had some of my brother’s birthday cake. Oh wait, there’s some right here.

This cake is magical. So much better than my cherry pie. I’ve eaten all that in 5 days and still haven’t put on a single pound. I’m so satisfied that I won’t even make an effort to tie this paragraph back to the rest of the article. Mmmm…cake…