I beat up Raki

Yesterday I stumbled upon Raki crying in the woods. I attempted to cheer him up by letting him borrow my finest female erotica magazine. Disappointed that there weren’t any men in it, Raki threw my magazine in the river. How dare that bastard waste my porn! I angrily stomped on the ground, creating a rift in the earth that would’ve swallowed Raki had Clare not jumped to his rescue.

Pointing her sword at my throat, Clare demanded to know why I was picking on Raki. I told her that Raki called Teresa fat. Clare got pissed off and started throwing rocks at him. I quipped that all those rocks were making Raki look kind of rocky. Clare laughed at my questionable pun. Then she started humping me. Unsure whether she’d reached the age of statutory consent, I asked Clare to proffer two forms of government-issued photo ID. All she had was an expired driver’s license, so I firmly rejected her. Clare understood.

Meanwhile, Raki died. Clare panicked because Claymores aren’t allowed to kill humans. Confessing that humans aren’t allowed to kill humans either, I offered to help Clare dispose of the body. We ultimately fed Raki’s corpse to a desert crocodile.

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20 people love sucking up to me

  1. Baka-Raptor says:

    For the record, the phrase “female erotica magazine” came from a crappy Yu Yu Hakusho sub I saw back in high school.

  2. […] of the season. It’s about damn time we got an anime with a strong male lead! Non-threatening crybaby emo male leads supersaturate the modern anime scene. Where did all the real men go? That is not a […]

  3. […] the only crazy anime girl. You don’t get much crazier than Priscilla. I mean, she likes Raki. Oh yeah, and she eats […]

  4. […] off my victory against Raki, I mysteriously found myself in Yuko’s shop. Greeting me with a sultry smile, Yuko offered to […]

  5. […] compatibility. Also, Shinji seems to be the archetypal wussy male lead, inspiring characters like Raki and Watanuki. Block-A-Raptor, find Cameron’s […]

  6. […] More annoying than Raki, the Bleach arrancars, and SpongeBob combined. After watching the fourth episode, I spent a whole […]

  7. tak says:

    I’m gonna be the first person to comment on this post that isn’t trackbacks or Baka-Raptor himself.

    Apparently Raki becomes somewhat of a Badass in the next arc after the Northern Campaign. Which will be interesting if they ever animate a second season, but I will believe it when I see it.

  8. […] And the most influential post ever: I Beat up Raki. […]

  9. […] administrative filler post registered 22 comments, including a trackback; meanwhile my legendary I Beat up Raki post went uncommented for months. You all desperately need my […]

  10. […] up a character you hate is always satisfying. On the other hand, if you’re looking to fight for the sheer […]

  11. […] prepared to administer the standard solar plexus blow, but a feeling of déjà vu halted my movements. Had I done this before? Nagato confirmed that we were trapped in a time […]

  12. Baka-Raptor says:

    Raki is the worst character ever.

  13. Baka-Raptor says:

    Claymore should include this entire beating scene if it ever gets a remake.

  14. Baka-Raptor says:

    One time I kicked Raki in the groin and somehow it hurt him even though he has no balls.

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