EF – A Tale of Lesbians*
*No lesbians or tales thereof
ef – a tale of memories: Amazing anime, horrendous title. They might as well have named the show please ignore me: the animation. At least please ignore me: the animation trumpets the X-factor of reverse psychology. ef – a tale of memories is just plain worthless. Great titles, like EF – A Tale of Lesbians, grab you by the balls and never let go.
1. Use Capital Letters
Who do you think you’re trying to impress by going lowercase? Subtlety blows. I attribute all my success to large fonts, bold colors, and full-size pictures. They’ve made this site so popular that Google’s server crashed and assigned me a page rank of zero.
Caps make you look confident in your product. Lowercase says “warning: i suck.” Just follow the conventions of standard English and you’ll be fine:
- Capitalize EF (It’s the first part of the title and looks stupid in lower case)
- Capitalize all the nouns (Tale and Memories)
- Capitalize the ‘A’ (not required but looks better because it’s the first part of a subtitle)
Now let’s take an undeniably badass title and see how dumb it looks decapitalized:
the swooping descent of the dark emissary! the propagation of malice.
Weak.
2. Replace Memories with Lesbians
Memories are passé. Lesbians are the wave of the future. They make everything better. Take my brother’s birthday cake. Think it can’t get any better? Try adding lesbians.
3. Change the pronunciation of “ef”
Think it’s pronounced like the manly, high-octane E.F.? No, it’s pronounced like the soft, fluffy eff. Sounds like hopscotch and tea parties. E.F. has several advantages:
- It could be the initials of a lesbian
- It could be the initials of two lesbians
It’s mind-boggling how a show with such great writing could have such a crappy title. They picked an awesome name for the bank:
Why can’t American banks have slick names with relevant logos? We have a bank, I shit you not, called Fifth Third Bank. No wonder we’re in a recession. Then there’s PNC. Guess what it stands for? That’s right: nothing. It’s embarrassing that Japan, despite its long history of mangling English, is coming up with better names than us.
Until they change their title, I’ve decided to boycott ef – a tale of memories. Civil disobedience kicks ass. From now on it’s EF – A Tale of Lesbians.
EF – A Tale of Lesbians is the best drama I’ve ever seen. I clapped at the end. It’s so good that I may have to do away with the video game rule, which weights my standard of criticism based on the show’s original medium. For example, I suddenly got critical of Shakugan no Shana when I found out it wasn’t based off a video game. Here’s my current criticism ranking, starting with the strictest:
- Anime remake
- Manga
- Movie
- Light novel
- Original concept
- Novel
- Video game
EF – A Tale of Lesbians is supposedly based off a game. What the hell? Aren’t video game adaptations supposed to suck?
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baka-raptor@baka-raptor.com
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:24 am
Good work with the post
Made me laugh multiple times^^
You never cease to amaze me, keep up the good work!
By the way, almost all finland’s banks are named after our Kalevala folk lore. Ironically one of the banks name is “Sampo”, and in the lore its a machine that makes money, and I don’t see my share anywhere!
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
The “Echizen” clock make me laugh. I never seen a name like that before. an ecchi clock?
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Hey keke, I just started Utawarerumono. If you told me there were dinosaurs, I probably would’ve started even earlier.
April 4th, 2008 at 3:25 am
‘ef – a tale of memories’ is indeed rather banal. I think I do prefer your sexed-up and typographically upgraded version.
April 4th, 2008 at 6:13 am
They use the dinosaurs as mounts, to its kind of disrespectful towards the dinosaurs.. I didn’t want to make you sad.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Now I want to know what you think about the title Sketchbook ~full color’S~. :Pgo
April 4th, 2008 at 10:48 am
color’S are fine. Lesbian’S are better.
Sketchbook ~full Lesbian’S~
Who wouldn’t watch that?
April 4th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
That ShizNat piece was the most freaking amazing piece of ShizNat I’ve ever seen! Where’d you get that one?
Also, I agree with your rant on anime names. Never understood those “stylish” names like .hack or xxxholic.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I got the ShizNat image off a Facebook group called Shizuru x Natsuki Love Love. They currently have a collection of 398 ShizNats in their archive. They say the pic originally came from Doropanda Tours. I don’t know if they have a website or anything, but it looks like they’ve done other quality ShizNat too.
April 8th, 2008 at 1:58 am
[...] like lesbians, make everything better. No [...]
April 15th, 2008 at 10:49 am
[...] Miyako (EF – A Tale of Lesbians) [...]
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:41 am
This post is so awesome. I disliked the bathos of ef, though. I mean … that was a just a mediocrity.
May 1st, 2008 at 12:19 am
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May 3rd, 2008 at 11:07 pm
[...] stated in EF - A Tale of Lesbians, the Video Game Rule weights my standard of criticism based on the show’s original medium. My [...]
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