I beat up Watanuki

Fresh off my victory against Raki, I mysteriously found myself in Yuko’s shop. Greeting me with a sultry smile, Yuko offered to grant my deepest darkest desires. I immediately asked for the one thing all men crave: a roast leg of lamb.

When Yuko summoned Watanuki to cook it, Watanuki threw one of his usual bitchy tantrums, so I body-slammed him into a cactus. That just made him shriek even louder. Would anything shut this jackass up? I had no choice but to unleash the ultimate forbidden jutsu: linking him to Watanuki x Doumeki yaoi doujinshi. Befuddled at the notion that any psychotic fangirl would want to see him naked, Watanuki’s brain exploded.

Posing victoriously on Watanuki’s corpse, I let out a hearty chuckle and reiterated my demand for a leg of lamb. No sooner had those words left my mouth than Maru and Moro pranced around singing “leg of lamb! leg of lamb!”. Those dumbass useless non-lesbian kids couldn’t have picked a worse time to rekindle my rage. I grabbed each by the neck and bashed their heads into each other. Shortly thereafter they died of hemorrhages.

Yuko wept at the lost lesbian potential of Maru and Moro. Reminding her that they never had souls in the first place, I told Yuko, “I didn’t kill them; they were already dead.” Yuko was totally consoled by my poignant obeservation. Then she started humping me. Although Yuko looked to be above the age of statutory consent, I insisted that she proffer two forms of government-issued photo ID, just to be safe. All she had was an expired driver’s license, so I firmly rejected her. Yuko understood.

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14 people love sucking up to me

  1. dawwe says:

    I’d hit Yuko.

  2. Kabitzin says:

    So you didn’t get the leg of lamb? This story has a long way to go before it can reach Golgo 13 levels.

  3. Baka-Raptor says:

    @Kabitzin: Oh yeah, I forgot about that part. It was delicious.

  4. Praz says:

    mmmmmmmm, lamb… *drools*

  5. blissmo says:

    I hate lamb!! LOL! And I must say, your ideas of violence are awesome 😀

  6. […] Also, Shinji seems to be the archetypal wussy male lead, inspiring characters like Raki and Watanuki. Block-A-Raptor, find Cameron’s […]

  7. […] get more specific. Ogi is just a Watanuki. Schneizel is a pretty boy liar who manipulates words. Nina, a bitch since the first season is even […]

  8. sol says:

    XD i like the way yor write…. and yes the xxxholic anime is crap…exept when they put watanuki in a dress XD…i love the manga thou XD

  9. […] up a character you hate is always satisfying. On the other hand, if you’re looking to fight for the sheer corporeal […]

  10. Rakuen says:

    How come you always get humped by the hot chicks?

  11. […] prepared to administer the standard solar plexus blow, but a feeling of déjà vu halted my movements. Had I done this before? Nagato confirmed that we were trapped in a time loop […]

  12. […] Of course, men don’t have to have sideburns. And of course, men could always end up looking like Watanuki. […]

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