Fanservice Bingo

From November 5, 2007 through February 12, 2008, the Writers Guild of America was on strike. What most people don’t know is that the writers were on strike in Japan too. There’s no other explanation for the recent proliferation of mind-numbing fanservice anime:

  • To Love-Ru (Guy grabs alien girl’s tits, forced to marry her)
  • Kanokon (LIttle boy voiced by Mamiko Noto suffers through more sexual escapades than I’ll encounter in my entire life)
  • Kamen no Maid Guy (A whole episode dedicated to the inverse relationship between breast size and math skills)

Sick of boob gags? Neither am I, but it’s only a matter of time before they lose their novelty. That’s why I’m once again stepping in to keep things fresh and interesting. Presenting Fanservice Bingo:

Kanokon is the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. Little boys voiced by Mamiko Noto shouldn’t be having more sex than me. To Love-Ru is the second most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. The guy (I forget his name) was just screwing around in his bathtub when bountiful alien hooters magically appear in his hands. Why can’t anime guys learn the feel of breasts the way I did: through the elbows?

I’m 6’0″ tall (183 cm if you live in one of those ivory tower metric system countries. Try dividing a meter by three. Can’t do it? That’s because the metric system is for pedophiles). The average American woman is 5’4″. Somehow the math all works out such that my elbows fly at nipple altitude. It’s not as glorious as it sounds. One time I was just standing still when a clumsy slut walked tit-first into my elbow. Then, further demonstrating her total lack of awareness, she whispers about it to her evil bitch friend just loudly enough for me to hear her:

Clumsy Slut: This guy just elbowed my left boob!

Evil Bitch: DID HE DO IT ON PURPOSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Clumsy Slut: I don’t know…

I could feel her murderous aura permeating the atmosphere. Could I fight back? No, men can’t win against sexual harassment allegations. There was only one way to deal with this: seduction. I unleashed the ultimate technique:

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Unfortunately, that only works for Captain Bravo, so I moved on to Plan B: getting the hell out of there.

UPDATE:

New Rule: Decide beforehand whether Intros, Endings, and Flashbacks count.

Without the intro, ending, and flashbacks, Bingo on To Love-Ru Episode 3 at 21:49: