The Baka-Raptor Awards

Best Episodic Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Editorial Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Team Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Manga Blog Baka-Raptor
Most Influential Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Dorama Baka-Raptor
Rookie of the Year Baka-Raptor
Funniest Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Satire Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Seiyuu-Oriented Blog Baka-Raptor
Most Thought-Provoking Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Blog-Related Comic Baka-Raptor
Best Figurine Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Art/Doujin/Visual Novel Blog Baka-Raptor
Best News Blog Baka-Raptor

Announcer: You just swept all 15 BRAs! How do you feel?

I’m speechless. What an honor.

Did these victories help you get over your crushing defeat at the Anime Blog Awards?

Anime Blog Awards? Whatever might those be? Doesn’t ring a bell.

Really? You seem kind of bitter.

Me? Bitter? Nah…what gave you that idea?

The BRAs seem like an exact ripoff of the ABAs.

Oops, I forgot the rest of the list:

Best Web Design Baka-Raptor
Best Podcast Baka-Raptor
Best Mascot Baka-Raptor
Manliest Blog Baka-Raptor
Best Blog with Photos of its Blogger Baka-Raptor
Best Use of ShizNat Baka-Raptor
Best Sellout Baka-Raptor

Some of your categories seem kind of irrelevant.

Explain.

Do you have a podcast?

Not yet, but I will, and I foresee it kicking so much ass that it only makes sense to give me the award now.

What about Best Dorama? Do you even know what a Dorama is?

Of course. It’s a monster from Final Fantasy VIII.

And I’m the best one.

Isn’t that a Torama?

No, it’s a Dorama.

Right…let’s move on to the next category. Have you ever blogged a figurine?

Well…errr…hey, what’s that? Over there?

I don’t see anything.

Keep looking.

Ok.

A+

You can look back now.

Wow! Sorry for questioning your qualifications as a figurine blogger.

Apology accepted.

So how exactly are you a rookie? Haven’t you been around for over two years?

Yes, but I’ve only had an RSS feed for 2 months. Anime blogs without RSS feeds don’t count for shit.

In that case, how do you qualify for Most Influential Blogger?

My website may not reach many people, but the few people who do read it see their lives change, like this girl:

“oh my ur web site rocks..a little while ago i thought i had such a bad life that i was going to kill my self…before i did this i decided i was going to search the net for one last and final time..when i stumbled across this website and i couldn’t stop laughing..every day since i ahve come on here to see if there where any new emails…because of this website i couldn’t wait for the next day to come to read it…i have never htought about killing myself since then

thank-you with all my heart and thanx for my life back”

Wasn’t that e-mail sent to Maddox?

Oh yeah. But I’m still influential, at least enough for other bloggers to rip me off. (Anime Formulas, Epic, Random Categorical Comparisons, Sponsored by Pizza Hut)

You recently pointed out that your page rank is zero. What steps you taken to increase your internet visiblity?

Selling out helped me tremendously. Instead of writing about anime and other stuff, I only write about anime now. I also got an RSS feed, which allowed Anime Nano to index me. So far I have two subscribers:

No, I will not unsubscribe

I also tripled my posting frequency during the ABA nomination period and listed 100 reasons to vote for me. I got two votes before that and two votes afterwards. Coincidence? I think not.

So you do care about the ABAs after all! Admit it, how do you really feel?

Tags: ,

30 people love sucking up to me

  1. Hung says:

    Shit, I thought I was a shoe-in (sp?) for best sellout. Oh well.

  2. Michael says:

    Damn, I was laughing throughout my post. Good job, man! :D

  3. Hung says:

    PS I think I was the other person subscribed. And now you have 3!

  4. Michael says:

    But people did nominate you! :)

    I would vote for you, as well! :D

  5. Baka-Raptor says:

    @Hung: Score! By the way, what’s your sellout story?

    @Michael: I would vote for you too. In fact, I did, and now you’re in the finals. It must be nice…

  6. Michael says:

    I’d appreciate if you’d vote for me again. ;)

    Frankly, I’m really happy right now, to be a part of the finalists. Thanks. :)

  7. Nagato says:

    Haha, you’re really worried about the ABA too much. Sure we could see it as you taking the chance to poke some fun, but on the flip-side you might seem a bit desperate. =o

    And you’ve only had an RSS feed for 2 months? No WONDER. I personally don’t use one, but over the course of the past few months I’ve seen that it accounts for almost 80-90% of my hits.

  8. IKnight says:

    And let’s face it, while readers might think one of the big-name awards was most important, otakusphere insiders know that ‘Best Use of ShizNat’ is by far the most coveted seal of approval.

  9. Amex_Yohko says:

    Those Shizuru x Natsuki figurines really sexy and depicts their characteristics very well.

  10. lolikitsune says:

    Unbelievable though it may seem, I actually changed my blog title and tagline in response to things that occurred in IRC, not in imitation of you. Sorry :(

  11. blissmo says:

    LOL! LOL! and LOL! That is all. Peace out.

  12. Jiff says:

    An RSS feed? You should have told us earlier! Now I can change my home page from your site back to Google :D

  13. keke says:

    “Yes, but I’ve only had an RSS feed for 2 months. Anime blogs without RSS feeds don’t count for shit.”

    Indeed, spamming F5 and waiting for new posts.. my finger still hurts, but those days are long gone now!

    Also, its the quality of the readers, not the quantity!

  14. Baka-Raptor says:

    @IKnight: I’d jump off a bridge if somebody else won the ShizNat award.

    @Amex_Yohko: I’ve never wanted a figurine so badly in my life.

    @lolikitsune: sure…

    @Jiff: It’s fine, Google is my homepage too, though I still have myself bookmarked and RSS’ed.

    @keke: My readers are the best. Especially me. I read my blog all the time.

  15. lolikitsune says:

    >>@keke: My readers are the best. Especially me. I read my blog all the time.

    You’re starting to sound like Jason. Hey, snap out of it.

    >>@lolikitsune: sure…

    B-b-baka raptor, I didn’t ask you to believe me or anything!

  16. Michael says:

    But ShizNat award is shared by all anime bloggers! It’s not only you who can have it! :D

    Oh man, this is so funny. :P

  17. Baka-Raptor says:

    @lolikitsune: The only blogger I rip off is Maddox. Besides, Jason is the one who’s trying to be like me, not the other way around. The formulas from his Fall 2007 thin slicing ripped off the formulas from my Spring 2007 Midterm Grades.

  18. Viktor Berg says:

    Umm… I may sound a bit newbish, and maybe even somewhat communistic [sic!], but I’ve never used RSS feeds. Although I consider myself fairly knowledgable in the field of Internets as the series of tubes, and computers in general, I’ve never had the need to use the RSS before. So, to cut long story short, how do I used the B-R RSS feed? I use Firefox, btw.

  19. Baka-Raptor says:

    @Viktor: To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how to make efficient use of RSS either. In Firefox if you go to Bookmarks, there’s an option that says Subscribe to This Page. You could also click on the orange icon at the right side of the address bar. I’m not sure if there are any other better ways to do this. I know you can subscribe through Google and Yahoo. There are probably some nice applications for RSS, but I haven’t spared the time to look into them. I just check Anime Nano for anime blog updates.

  20. Os says:

    So all my write-in votes for the BRA’s were worth it?! Drinks for all.

  21. Kabitzin says:

    I like Google Reader for RSS. But I would still vote for Baka-Raptor if there was a best RSS application award.

  22. Michael says:

    Baka-Raptor is the most original blog, of course. :P

  23. [...] I can be a figure blogger for [...]

  24. [...] That’s just how much my hiatuses rock. Somebody should give me an award. [...]

  25. [...] there IS a third category in the ABAs, but… I wont even bother naming the category. Baka-Raptor has won out on this and that. Damn, even I didn’t see this coming -though all signs point to [...]

  26. [...] you ask, must I resort to such extreme measures? Am I not disappointed that I lost all the awards? I am, but losing the award for Funniest Anime Blog is particularly painful because it practically [...]

  27. [...] 4/27: I don’t win any ABAs, but I do win all the BRAs. [...]

  28. [...] All the evidence proved beyond a reasonable doubt that Kabitzin is an evil hermaphrodite with no taste and crappy math skills, yet something still felt unsettling. Then I rediscovered this: [...]

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