The Perfect Way to End a Series

Step 1: Get Somebody Pregnant

Pregnancy = Closure. There’s no question that pregnancy can’t answer:

  • Did X and Y ever get together?
  • Did X and Y ever patch up their stormy relationship?
  • Did Y die without an heir?
  • Who’s the father?
  • What’s pregnancy + 0?

Step 2: Show Every Character (but make us think you’ll forget someone)

3 minutes left…no Sesshomaru…2 minutes…no Sesshomaru…1 minute…no Sesshomaru…30 seconds…Fuck you Rumiko Takahashi, Fuck y—YES! SESSHOMARU!*

*I’m just making this shit up. Somebody check if this actually happened.

Step 3: Change the Ending Theme

Any of the following may be used as the final episode’s ending theme (ranked in order of preference):

  1. Past opening/ending theme
  2. Current opening theme (if skipped at the beginning of the episode)
  3. Full ending theme/Different verse of the same ending theme
  4. Completely new song

The Texhnolyze Exception: Kill Everybody

No sudden mass death/natural cause bullshit. Everybody gets his/her own unique gruesome death.

32 people love sucking up to me

  1. @Kabitzin & Nagato: Indeed, I approve of the School Days ending. The way things got out of hand down the second half of the show, an everybody-lives-happily-ever-after ending would’ve been unsatisfying to say the least. You want everyone to kill each other. At least I did.

  2. @Michael: Perfect example. The old ending brings back the feelings you had earlier in the show (in a more subtle way that flashbacks) and gives you a “look how far we’ve come” sort of feeling.

    Another example:

    Aria the Natural ended with Aria the Animation’s Ending Theme.
    Aria the Origination ended with Aria the Animation’s Opening Theme.

  3. Explain to me what pregnancy has to do with “Kill ’em All” Yoshiyuki Tomino.
    If suddenly and unexpectedly killing off the entire cast of Space Runaway Ideon in the mid eighties (down to the toddler who was decapitated by anti-tank calibur gunfire) has anything to do with bitches getting knocked up, I’ll vomit.
    It’s rare that a director has enough balls to do something like that for the sole reason of telling marketing that there will be no sequals. (Yeah, SEED, I’m looking at you.)
    It’s a damn shame he’s not directing more series these days because goddammit, I’m sick of all these zombie protagonists cheapening death, and for that matter, why are they bothering to bring back bit characters who were only sort of popular and more importantly why has this sentence been going on for so long?

  4. @LJ: It’s only a 3-step logical deduction:

    1. IKnight asked a question.
    2. “There’s no question that pregnancy can’t answer.”
    3. Therefore, Pregnancy answers IKnight’s question.

    Whatever happened to Detective LJ?


  5. Ah hell and I was planning on not getting that series spoiled. Oh well. Isn’t Lain the better of the two, even if grouping those two together is at all feasible (if not blatantly wrong).

  6. @Lelangir: Don’t worry, it’s not a real spoiler (see comment 7)

    Another one of my dirty secrets: I haven’t seen Lain. One of these days I should really do a post about all the notorious anime I haven’t seen…

  7. lol, why am I reminded of evangelion for some reason. Ahh lets just make everything die in a gruesome fashion and add blood and a masacre, yippy. Nothing else interesting to say. xD

  8. Eva is ridiculously overrated. Except for the ending movie. That was freakin’ awesome.

    I gave up on Tsubasa after the first season, as the series stopped having any sense of direction. I tried to pick it up again but it still failed to keep my interest.

    BTW when is Talk-A-Raptor 02 coming? 😛

  9. I aim to do Talk-A-Raptor once a month, but first, I need to get some e-mail for the Meru Meru segment. Nobody’s been sending me e-mail since I added the comment box…

  10. Speaking of ending series, it’s time to put my drunken, incomprehensible ramblings to bed in a concise manner, so as to kill your answer-to-the-wrong-question as cleanly as possible.
    A: Pregnancy means change, life, welfare, and the end of your night’s peaceful rest.
    B: A child’s decapitation by ordinance embodies permenance, death, a handsome insurance payout, and eternal rest.
    C: Therefore, pregnancy is not applicable to “everybody dies” endings. You even said it yourself with the word “exception”.
    The real reason behind that sleep-deprived tl;dr-fest was really just “new stuff automatically sucks.”
    The ACTUAL answer would be “The *detective* shot himself in the face with a snubnose .38 after scouring every second of footage in sixteenth-speed playback, four times, and finding no Kibure.”
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my duster and fedora to the dry cleaners; it’s beginning to reek of placenta juice.
    (Shit, I really can’t do concise, can I? Goddamn I need a hobby.)

  11. haha, the Texhnolyze ending! Classic – some of those were fucking brutal. There need to be more ‘everyone in the fucking world is dead’ endings these days…

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