Evangelion 03: A Super Original Post!

Shinji begins training with the Eva. Throughout the training session he sounds like a zombie.


Why does the robot need a gun? Is that a mechanical trigger? Couldn’t they give one of those to the UN? I’m guessing it’ll never subdue an Angel. Why does—

Stop! In the name of the CLAW!


Unoriginal comments are prohibited!

Says who?


Your commentary lacks originality and depth.

Lacking depth? Did you see my brilliant use of soiled diapers to represent unoriginal commentary?

Sorry, that made sense. Depth that makes sense isn’t deep. digitalboy won’t be happy until you start bullshitting your readers.

I don’t know how!

I do! I have a degree in bullshit philosophy!

ScholaRaptor, I’ll leave it to you.

Yes, your majesty!

The next day, Misato expresses concern that Shinji never uses his cell phone.

Big deal, neither do I. I’ve had my current cell phone for about 1.5 years, and it only has 12 numbers:

  • 5 family members
  • 2 ex-roommates (don’t think I’ve ever called them)
  • 2 classmates (teammates on class projects, nobody I’d talk to for fun)
  • 1 workplace
  • 1 landlord
  • 1 Italian Village Pizza (The only number I willingly dial)

Even I have more numbers on my cellular telephone!

Shinji’s popularity skyrockets when he tells his classmates that he’s an Eva pilot.

Now we hear about the disaster in 2000 that plunged the world into chaos. A meteor struck Antarctica, melting the entire ice cap and cutting the world’s population in half.


Meteors: a dinosaur’s worst enemy.

Tar pits too.

As the teacher lectures, we see incorrect equations on the board.


It’s at 3:20

After class, one of Shinji’s classmates beats him up for accidentally injuring his sister during the previous Angel battle.

Fila sportswear? Brilliant product placement!

Fila never looked so cool!

Hey, it’s Rei! Did she come to help Shinji? No, she tells Shinji to get his ass ready for battle.

The students evacuate to their shelters, except for the guys who bullied Shinji. They snuck away to see Shinji in action. Bad idea. The Eva gets ripped from its power cable and sent flying in their direction. Shinji protects his classmates by letting them on board.

For some reason they can speak intelligibly, even though the cockpit is supposed to be filled with liquid.

With battery power running low and the gun being useless (as predicted), Shinji whips out the Eva’s ultimate weapon: a knife. Misato tells Shinji to retreat, but for once in his life, Shinji decides not to be a pussy. He goes into psycho-zombie mode, takes the Angel head-on, and stabs it to death!

The Fila guy regrets beating Shinji, who hasn’t been to school since the incident. Fila guy almost calls Shinji’s cell phone, but he remembers that men don’t ever call each other to express their feelings.

Final Thoughts:

When blogging well known anime

Originality’s a factor

To give us some fresh insight

Here’s ScholaRaptor

Quoting 15th century English poet John Lydgate:

“You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

Taking shit no matter how noble your actions are – I call it the Yang Wenli effect.*

  • Shinji’s father vs. the bureaucrats
  • Shinji vs. Fila guy

Let’s not forget former President Abraham Lincoln’s corollary:

“You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.”

I wonder how blanket media censorship works out when high school kids who know the truth are free to gossip with their classmates.

*If you still don’t get that reference, drop whatever you’re doing and go watch Legend of the Galactic Heroes.

19 people love sucking up to me

  1. Who would’ve thought that Raptors of all creatures can’t Rap? That passage of text you think is a rhyme is excrutiating, almost worse than ‘don’t copy that floppy’.

    /end troll

    I forgot how rediculous the knife is when we could’ve had like, swords instead. Also I loved the meteor joke.

  2. Run for your life! It’s a giant floating flattened phallus with eyes and limbs!
    [insert gay joke directed towards a specific party deliberately seeking it out here]
    I wasn’t kidding about monster design decaying in the blink of an eye.

    Oh, and are you entirely certain digitalboy is even reading the mouseovers? Some browsers don’t support those in the first place.

  3. Also, it’s a knife because Eva is a deconstruction. When people think ‘giant robot’, they typically think of explosions. But after those explosions, they think of something like a gigantic blazing sword or a wave motion gun. What better way to throw that shit on its head than give the mech a short little knife or a nondescript machine gun?

  4. This post is pure shit. The representation of myself as baby Mario was an obvious one, however, shitty diapers? Even baby mario knows that’s Peach’s job, not Yoshi’s – he knows the difference between women and badass GAR dinosaurs. you also managed to crack even less jokes this ep than usual, so you’re effectively going downhill. I am admittedly proud of you for pointing out the silly things like guns not working and shitty chalkboard equations, because I haven’t actally heard anyone mention them before – most people are too busy bitching about Shinji. And bitching about Shinji is just lame and played out. However once again yo do succeed in at least not taking it seriously, because some people resort straight to ‘omg worst character ever.’ Being that he’s one of my top 20 favorite characters ever, I am naturally annoyed by said bitching.

    So, you are 2-2 with mediocrity. Nows your chance! Throw a left hook!

  5. Eventually someone in a mech will have a super-powered rock to throw at the enemy. This rock will truly be the ultimate evolution of weaponry.

  6. OH YAY, more evangelion posts!

    >>Hey, it’s Rei! Did she come to help Shinji? No, she tells Shinji to get his ass ready for battle.

    Yeah, this is rather typical

  7. @Teeif: It rhymed, what more do you want?!

    @dawwe: He may be whiny, but he did stab an Angel to death.

    @LJ: I cut this Angel some slack, but the next one, holy shit, a giant floating octahedron. I don’t think it can get any worse. Maybe next we’ll get the Satchii from Denno Coil.

    @digitalboy: I accept your apology.

    @Kabitzin: You just don’t see enough rock-related deaths in anime. Why can’t I think of any? Rocks are always knocking people out, but they’re never the finishing blow.

    @blissmo: Yeah, but this is EVANGELION, so it’s first time it ever happened, ever, and everyone else ripped it off.

  8. @Baka-Raptor: Higurashi Cotton Drifting arc is the perfect example of using rocks to the more evil purpose.

  9. Well, there was this scene in Excel Saga about that “thing” getting rocked by a bunch of kiddies (involving a 1-ton rock as well), but as Excel Saga is just a humorous show, there weren’t any deaths or anything.

    Actually, I haven’t seen that many murder anime’s, so I can’t expand upon this.

  10. And you’re going to go ahead and fly in the face of an established truth by claiming that Lincoln can tell lies? I realize you’re not an American, but that’s downright BRAZEN!

  11. @LJ: Be sure to stick an @IKnight in front of that. You wouldn’t want people confusing me with the British anti-Lincoln poetry snob, would you?

    @digitalboy: Bulbasaur leaves? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That belies the spirit of catching ’em all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *