Evangelion 05-06: Rei vs. The Giant Cube
This double-episode starts off with a flashback.
Booooooooooring.
But this is the good kind of flashback: the kind that explains why people are dead/injured/otherwise brutalized.
Awesome!
Rei’s robot goes berserk. It punches the wall and ejects her.
The Evangelion unit punches the observation booth where Shinji’s father is standing. Does this imply emotional tension—
Let’s not get carried away here.
Sorry.
Shinji’s father saves Rei by opening the superheated hatch with his bare hands.
Shinji sees the burns on his father’s hands and gets jealous.
I think it’s sweet! Shinji’s father always treats everyone like shit, but deep down he really cares! Awwwwwwwwwwwww!
Next we see Rei at the school pool.
Shinji’s classmates prod him about ogling Rei. Shinji explains that he wasn’t staring at her sexually; he was just wonder why she’s always alone.
Because he’s geyyyyyyyyy.
Back at the NERV facility, Shinji sees his father and Rei SMILING?!?!
Number of Angels Rei killed: 0. Number of times Rei smiled: 1. What the hell is going on? Can anything take my mind off this horrifying development?!
YAY! It’s PEN PEN!
NO! DON’T DO IT PEN PEN!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Over dinner, Ritsuko asks Shinji to give Rei her new ID card. Shinji heads over the Rei’s apartment the next morning. Nobody answered the door, so Shinji did what any responsible citizen would do: he broke in. Rei’s room is full of anime posters and figurines, and by anime posters and figurines, I mean dirty dishes and Shinji’s father’s glasses. Shinji tries on the glasses, arousing Rei so much that she forces herself on him.
No wonder this show is so popular!
Block-A-Raptor, censor this filth!
Sorry, it’s rated TV-14. No nipples? No problem!
Rei gets back into her Eva unit. Guided by her megane-lust for Shinji’s father, she successfully activates it, just in time to take on a new angel.
Are you serious? A giant cube?
Actually, it’s an octahedron—
Nobody asked you.
Sorry.
Shinji heads out first, only to be sniped by the angel’s high-powered auto-fire energy beam.
I take it back – best angel ever!
The angel can’t be defeated unless it’s attacked from outside its detection range. Misato requisitions the only weapon that can get the job done: a positron rifle that won’t work unless its charged from every power generator across Japan!
They did a really crappy job on the word “POSITRON”
As they set up, the angel bores into the earth, aiming for NERV HQ.
Shinji sets up to pull the trigger. Rei is assigned to guard him. Pen Pen watches ominously from the distance.
The first shot gets deflected by a simultaneous shot from the angel.
This time the angel shoots first, leaving an opening for Shinji if he can survive the blast. Rei puts her life on the line to guard him.
Shinji’s next shot is a direct hit!
Shinji rushes to Rei’s side. Like his father, Shinji opens the superheated somewhat heated hatch with his bare comfortably protected hands.
And Rei smiles again!
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Final Thoughts:
Shinji’s geyyyyy
He backed away
when he could’ve had his way
with Rei
ScholaRaptor, you were saying something about the Giant Cube not actually being a cube?
That’s right, it’s an octahedron. But I think you’re onto something. You know what’s shaped like a cube?
A box?
Yes! The Giant Cube is really a Giant Box! And how do you defeat a box?
You need to think of a plan, then move outside the detection range of the box so it can’t preemptively strike.
Exactly! You have to think outside the box!
You just blew my mind.
32 people love sucking up to me
Leave a Reply
baka-raptor@baka-raptor.com
July 19th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
the cube battle was better in 0.1
July 19th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I think you left out the part where Shinji says “I mustn’t run away” fifty billion times and then your brain explodes.
July 19th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
I must say these posts on the show are much more enjoyable to me then watching the show again lol.
July 19th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Of course Shinji’s gey, he and that guy I can’t remember the name of are totally BL together.
July 20th, 2008 at 12:30 am
@Lelangir: lalalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalalalala
@Ina: That was episode three, and even though I left it out, I kind of like Zombie-Shinji – at least more than regular Shinji.
@Patz: My posts would make Rei smile. Except I don’t want that to happen. Good thing she’s a fictional character who’ll never read this site.
@A Day Without Me: I can’t even picture a geyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guy liking Shinji.
July 20th, 2008 at 1:57 am
I though Shinji was too pathetic to have a sexuality. In any case, I’m wondering what the Raptors have to say once “that guy [A Day Without Me] can’t remember the name of” makes his appearance.
July 20th, 2008 at 2:37 am
The cube battle was better in the Manga.
July 20th, 2008 at 3:00 am
bout fakin time. Anyway good shit. abd also, you must not have gotten to episode 24 where Shinji fucks another man.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:47 am
“Viktor” was right?
…
If you’ll excuse me, I will now go have a very meaningful and lengthy conversation with a sidewalk. With my forehead.
July 20th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Then just wait till asuka’s apperance ! Asuka is awesome ! And i’ve to agree to it too…shinji is geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
July 20th, 2008 at 9:27 am
@ A Day Without Me: The amazing Eva schoolars have concluded that the relationship with Kaoru was in fact a multi-dimensional ploy to generate hype and doujinshi.
I think Shinji may have finally found his match in Rolo though.
July 20th, 2008 at 10:34 am
damn… i should watch this show. the DVD of this i got for christmas is still lying on my shelf unopened -_-
July 20th, 2008 at 10:51 am
@issa-sa: I’ve watched a few episodes ahead. Shinji claims to have “expanded” with Pen Pen as a witness. Maybe he’s into penguins.
@C.I.: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala
@digiboy: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala
@LJ: I had a very meaningful and lengthy conversation with Viktor about the angel designs. But you were right too. Besides, it sounded like something a whiny communist would say.
@Laguna: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala
@Teeif: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala
@biankita: Whoa, are you telling me I’m not the only one who hasn’t seen Evangelion? If you start now, you’ll definitely finish it before I will. These posts take way to long to write. Especially the mouse-overs.
July 20th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Pft. Shinji can’t possibly be gay, look how big his gun is. Clearly Rei’s nipple just didn’t meet his high high standards.
July 20th, 2008 at 11:10 am
@ Teeif - Exactly why I can go all hanyan over it despite never having watched the show or read the manga (which I hear hypes the Shinji gey even more) ^____^
July 20th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
No comment about the Angel’s more than phallic drill? You disappoint me.
July 20th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Just to let you know… the entire series is worth 2x’ing through so you can enjoy the best part of eva: “The End of Evangelion” (the ending movie).
July 20th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
@coburn: That’s because Rei doesn’t have nipples. There’s nothing on the left breast, and after careful analysis, that spot on her right breast is just a shadow.
And don’t give that “she has nipples but the artist didn’t draw them!” crap. Shinji had nipples.
@Yamcha: I was tempted, but that would be too easy. Baka-Raptor doesn’t grab the low-hanging fruit.
@korosora: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala
July 20th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
@Baka-Raptor: lalalalalala ~ I can’t read your comments ~ lalalalalala
July 21st, 2008 at 12:40 am
If memory serves me, this is the only battle with a Platonic solid in the entire series. It’s a shame really. A dodecahedron angel would have been awesome.
July 21st, 2008 at 3:20 am
I thought of that Kurenai slapping gif after seeing Rei slapping Shinji.
July 21st, 2008 at 3:21 am
[ID Sojourner]
Oh and this ain the most awesome angel. There will be one that looks like a dinosaur!
July 21st, 2008 at 2:32 pm
@j.valdez: I don’t know what you’re doing, but it’s very strange, and I’m starting to worry.
@The Sojourner: This one is twice as fast.
@ID Sojourner: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala
July 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I was listening to E Nomine while reading this (dont’ tell me I have bad taste in music - I have no taste in music) and that gickr.com Rei was slapping Shinji in time to the beat. It was most odd.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:11 am
I’m so offended that you have yet to acknolwedge my Otakon suck-up app.
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:39 am
@A Day Without Me: Hey, remember number rule number nine of The Slacker’s Code? There’s no way he’d jeopardize his slacker factor for straggling suckups.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:38 am
@IKnight: Coincidence? Yes, I have no clue what/who E Nomine is.
@A Day Without Me: What Viktor said. I always wait a few days before responding. It’s lazier (and sexier) that way.
@LJ: She wouldn’t. I sold that page out.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
It’s a damn shame I won so thoroughly in the argument against that sidewalk; I’m beginning to think I’ll have need of its services again.
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm
As usual, Hat-a-Raptor gets it wrong. He just cares about Rei because OH SHIT it’s so weird to talk about this with people who haven’t seen it.
Anyway, in the 1.0 movie, Rei has nipples. Since I finally learned to spell it, I’ll call them unequivocal nipples.
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
@otou-san: I was satirizing the female adoration of assholes. We all know that deep down Shinji’s father is really a jerk.
July 23rd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Does it kill your satire to have to explain it? My bad for killing your satire, I should have noticed that Hat-A-Raptor was a lady dinosaur.
August 7th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Nice on hoooooold myyyyyyy haaaaaand.