Evangelion 05-06: Rei vs. The Giant Cube

This double-episode starts off with a flashback.

Booooooooooring.

But this is the good kind of flashback: the kind that explains why people are dead/injured/otherwise brutalized.

Awesome!

Rei’s robot goes berserk. It punches the wall and ejects her.

The Evangelion unit punches the observation booth where Shinji’s father is standing. Does this imply emotional tension—

Let’s not get carried away here.

Sorry.

Shinji’s father saves Rei by opening the superheated hatch with his bare hands.

Shinji sees the burns on his father’s hands and gets jealous.

I think it’s sweet! Shinji’s father always treats everyone like shit, but deep down he really cares! Awwwwwwwwwwwww!

Next we see Rei at the school pool.

Shinji’s classmates prod him about ogling Rei. Shinji explains that he wasn’t staring at her sexually; he was just wonder why she’s always alone.

Because he’s geyyyyyyyyy.

Back at the NERV facility, Shinji sees his father and Rei SMILING?!?!

Number of Angels Rei killed: 0. Number of times Rei smiled: 1. What the hell is going on? Can anything take my mind off this horrifying development?!

YAY! It’s PEN PEN!

NO! DON’T DO IT PEN PEN!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Over dinner, Ritsuko asks Shinji to give Rei her new ID card. Shinji heads over the Rei’s apartment the next morning. Nobody answered the door, so Shinji did what any responsible citizen would do: he broke in. Rei’s room is full of anime posters and figurines, and by anime posters and figurines, I mean dirty dishes and Shinji’s father’s glasses.  Shinji tries on the glasses, arousing Rei so much that she forces herself on him.

No wonder this show is so popular!

Block-A-Raptor, censor this filth!

Sorry, it’s rated TV-14. No nipples? No problem!

Rei gets back into her Eva unit. Guided by her megane-lust for Shinji’s father, she successfully activates it, just in time to take on a new angel.

Are you serious? A giant cube?

Actually, it’s an octahedron—

Nobody asked you.

Sorry.

Shinji heads out first, only to be sniped by the angel’s high-powered auto-fire energy beam.

I take it back – best angel ever!

The angel can’t be defeated unless it’s attacked from outside its detection range. Misato requisitions the only weapon that can get the job done: a positron rifle that won’t work unless its charged from every power generator across Japan!

They did a really crappy job on the word “POSITRON”

As they set up, the angel bores into the earth, aiming for NERV HQ.

Shinji sets up to pull the trigger. Rei is assigned to guard him. Pen Pen watches ominously from the distance.

The first shot gets deflected by a simultaneous shot from the angel.

This time the angel shoots first, leaving an opening for Shinji if he can survive the blast. Rei puts her life on the line to guard him.

Shinji’s next shot is a direct hit!

Shinji rushes to Rei’s side. Like his father, Shinji opens the superheated somewhat heated hatch with his bare comfortably protected hands.

And Rei smiles again!

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Final Thoughts:

Shinji’s geyyyyy

He backed away

when he could’ve had his way

with Rei

ScholaRaptor, you were saying something about the Giant Cube not actually being a cube?

That’s right, it’s an octahedron. But I think you’re onto something. You know what’s shaped like a cube?

A box?

Yes! The Giant Cube is really a Giant Box! And how do you defeat a box?

You need to think of a plan, then move outside the detection range of the box so it can’t preemptively strike.

Exactly! You have to think outside the box!

You just blew my mind.