Evangelion 05-06: Rei vs. The Giant Cube

This double-episode starts off with a flashback.


But this is the good kind of flashback: the kind that explains why people are dead/injured/otherwise brutalized.


Rei’s robot goes berserk. It punches the wall and ejects her.

The Evangelion unit punches the observation booth where Shinji’s father is standing. Does this imply emotional tension—

Let’s not get carried away here.


Shinji’s father saves Rei by opening the superheated hatch with his bare hands.

Shinji sees the burns on his father’s hands and gets jealous.

I think it’s sweet! Shinji’s father always treats everyone like shit, but deep down he really cares! Awwwwwwwwwwwww!

Next we see Rei at the school pool.

Shinji’s classmates prod him about ogling Rei. Shinji explains that he wasn’t staring at her sexually; he was just wonder why she’s always alone.

Because he’s geyyyyyyyyy.

Back at the NERV facility, Shinji sees his father and Rei SMILING?!?!

Number of Angels Rei killed: 0. Number of times Rei smiled: 1. What the hell is going on? Can anything take my mind off this horrifying development?!




Over dinner, Ritsuko asks Shinji to give Rei her new ID card. Shinji heads over the Rei’s apartment the next morning. Nobody answered the door, so Shinji did what any responsible citizen would do: he broke in. Rei’s room is full of anime posters and figurines, and by anime posters and figurines, I mean dirty dishes and Shinji’s father’s glasses.  Shinji tries on the glasses, arousing Rei so much that she forces herself on him.

No wonder this show is so popular!

Block-A-Raptor, censor this filth!

Sorry, it’s rated TV-14. No nipples? No problem!

Rei gets back into her Eva unit. Guided by her megane-lust for Shinji’s father, she successfully activates it, just in time to take on a new angel.

Are you serious? A giant cube?

Actually, it’s an octahedron—

Nobody asked you.


Shinji heads out first, only to be sniped by the angel’s high-powered auto-fire energy beam.

I take it back – best angel ever!

The angel can’t be defeated unless it’s attacked from outside its detection range. Misato requisitions the only weapon that can get the job done: a positron rifle that won’t work unless its charged from every power generator across Japan!

They did a really crappy job on the word “POSITRON”

As they set up, the angel bores into the earth, aiming for NERV HQ.

Shinji sets up to pull the trigger. Rei is assigned to guard him. Pen Pen watches ominously from the distance.

The first shot gets deflected by a simultaneous shot from the angel.

This time the angel shoots first, leaving an opening for Shinji if he can survive the blast. Rei puts her life on the line to guard him.

Shinji’s next shot is a direct hit!

Shinji rushes to Rei’s side. Like his father, Shinji opens the superheated somewhat heated hatch with his bare comfortably protected hands.

And Rei smiles again!


Final Thoughts:

Shinji’s geyyyyy

He backed away

when he could’ve had his way

with Rei

ScholaRaptor, you were saying something about the Giant Cube not actually being a cube?

That’s right, it’s an octahedron. But I think you’re onto something. You know what’s shaped like a cube?

A box?

Yes! The Giant Cube is really a Giant Box! And how do you defeat a box?

You need to think of a plan, then move outside the detection range of the box so it can’t preemptively strike.

Exactly! You have to think outside the box!

You just blew my mind.

32 people love sucking up to me

  1. I think you left out the part where Shinji says “I mustn’t run away” fifty billion times and then your brain explodes.

  2. @Lelangir: lalalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalalalala

    @Ina: That was episode three, and even though I left it out, I kind of like Zombie-Shinji – at least more than regular Shinji.

    @Patz: My posts would make Rei smile. Except I don’t want that to happen. Good thing she’s a fictional character who’ll never read this site.

    @A Day Without Me: I can’t even picture a geyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guy liking Shinji.

  3. I though Shinji was too pathetic to have a sexuality. In any case, I’m wondering what the Raptors have to say once “that guy [A Day Without Me] can’t remember the name of” makes his appearance.

  4. bout fakin time. Anyway good shit. abd also, you must not have gotten to episode 24 where Shinji fucks another man.

  5. “Viktor” was right?

    If you’ll excuse me, I will now go have a very meaningful and lengthy conversation with a sidewalk. With my forehead.

  6. Then just wait till asuka’s apperance ! Asuka is awesome ! And i’ve to agree to it too…shinji is geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.

  7. @ A Day Without Me: The amazing Eva schoolars have concluded that the relationship with Kaoru was in fact a multi-dimensional ploy to generate hype and doujinshi.

    I think Shinji may have finally found his match in Rolo though.

  8. @issa-sa: I’ve watched a few episodes ahead. Shinji claims to have “expanded” with Pen Pen as a witness. Maybe he’s into penguins.

    @C.I.: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala

    @digiboy: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala

    @LJ: I had a very meaningful and lengthy conversation with Viktor about the angel designs. But you were right too. Besides, it sounded like something a whiny communist would say.

    @Laguna: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala

    @Teeif: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala

    @biankita: Whoa, are you telling me I’m not the only one who hasn’t seen Evangelion? If you start now, you’ll definitely finish it before I will. These posts take way to long to write. Especially the mouse-overs.

  9. Just to let you know… the entire series is worth 2x’ing through so you can enjoy the best part of eva: “The End of Evangelion” (the ending movie).

  10. @coburn: That’s because Rei doesn’t have nipples. There’s nothing on the left breast, and after careful analysis, that spot on her right breast is just a shadow.

    And don’t give that “she has nipples but the artist didn’t draw them!” crap. Shinji had nipples.

    @Yamcha: I was tempted, but that would be too easy. Baka-Raptor doesn’t grab the low-hanging fruit.

    @korosora: lalalalalala ~ I can’t hear you ~ lalalalalala

  11. If memory serves me, this is the only battle with a Platonic solid in the entire series. It’s a shame really. A dodecahedron angel would have been awesome.

  12. I was listening to E Nomine while reading this (dont’ tell me I have bad taste in music – I have no taste in music) and that gickr.com Rei was slapping Shinji in time to the beat. It was most odd.

  13. @A Day Without Me: Hey, remember number rule number nine of The Slacker’s Code? There’s no way he’d jeopardize his slacker factor for straggling suckups.

  14. @IKnight: Coincidence? Yes, I have no clue what/who E Nomine is.

    @A Day Without Me: What Viktor said. I always wait a few days before responding. It’s lazier (and sexier) that way.

    @LJ: She wouldn’t. I sold that page out.

  15. It’s a damn shame I won so thoroughly in the argument against that sidewalk; I’m beginning to think I’ll have need of its services again.

  16. I think it’s sweet! Shinji’s father always treats everyone like shit, but deep down he really cares!

    As usual, Hat-a-Raptor gets it wrong. He just cares about Rei because OH SHIT it’s so weird to talk about this with people who haven’t seen it.

    Anyway, in the 1.0 movie, Rei has nipples. Since I finally learned to spell it, I’ll call them unequivocal nipples.

  17. Does it kill your satire to have to explain it? My bad for killing your satire, I should have noticed that Hat-A-Raptor was a lady dinosaur.

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