Kaiji vs. Kaiba: An Objective Analysis
VS.
Round 1: Character Design
Kaiji: Ugly
Kaiba: Hideous
Advantage: Kaiji
Round 2: Cast of Characters
Kaiji: Devoid of women and children.
Kaiba: More annoying than Raki, the Bleach arrancars, and SpongeBob combined. After watching the fourth episode, I spent a whole week suffering from erectile dysfunction. The episode was about an ugly old man who fell off a lighthouse. Nobody pushed him off. No sudden gust of wind. He just leaned over the side because he saw a flower. SPLAT! Total dumbass. Oh well, survival of the fittest.
The original Pedobear
Advantage: Kaiji
Round 3: Plot
Kaiji: Loaded with clever twists.
Kaiba: Too much filler (and not the good kind with lesbians).
Advantage: Kaiji
Round 4: Addictiveness
Kaiji: Watched the whole series in two days.
Kaiba: Dropped after six episodes. Well, technically I dropped it after 5.9 episodes. I paused episode six with about two minutes remaining, went out for some fried chicken, and never looked back.
Advantage: Kaiji
Round 5: Graphic Violence
Kaiji: Savage beatings, electrocution, ear-drilling, and appendage-dismembering
Kaiba: Guns, stupid old man falling off a lighthouse, and a memory-eating plant
Advantage: Kaiji
Round 6: Coin Flip
Kaiji: Heads
Kaiba: Tails
Advantage: Kaiji
Round 7: Depth
Kaiji: Profound implications about class warfare, contractual sanctity (both written and verbal), rational choice theory, and fluid dynamics
Kaiba: No depth whatsoever. Everything is dumbed down. Each episode begins with the narrator asking:
What are souls? Memories? Spirits?
Here’s a better question: who cares? You could preface any anime with open-ended filler questions to make it seem deep.
Why do we dream?
What makes us human?
What are souls? Memories? Spirits?
Don’t spoon-feed me these questions; MAKE ME ASK THEM. Blatancy ruins depth. Serving potentially deep concepts to the audience on a silver platter effectively renders them shallow.
Everything in Kaiba is a blatant attempt to effectuate depth. Everyone on the show is a complete imbecile, not because it makes an entertaining story, but because it helps make a statement. That’s not intellectually stimulating; it’s intellectually lazy. You could convey the same ideas through rational, well-developed, endearing characters, but then the audience might be distracted by an entertaining story and have to work to discover secondary meaning (a.k.a. “depth”).
Kaiba treats you like a child by spelling out all its “deep” themes. Therefore, if you think Kaiba is deep, you’re a pedophile.
Advantage: Kaiji
Kaiba forfeits because it sucks.
Winner: Kaiji (7-0-0)
42 people love sucking up to me
Leave a Reply
Holy shit, a comment RSS feed!baka-raptor@baka-raptor.com
August 16th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Hmm. As someone who liked both shows (but only finished Kaiji I’m ambivalent about your conclusion. Still, there are some legitimate criticisms for Kaiba here, particularly on the opening narration. Narration of any kind is usually a bad sign, I find. (LoGH excepted, of course. Having a narrator introduce things is a great tactic if you’re making an anime novelistic.)
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August 16th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
first negative opinion of kaiba ever! I don’t care about the show, but I guess it’s not a surprise from someone who hates best-anime-ever-Kurenai. Anyway, I would have never thought Kaiba was trying to be deep. It’s from the director of fucking Mind Game.
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August 16th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I’d agree, but I still liked Kaiba, I guess. The coin flip procedure was the best part also.
But what about Haibane Renmei? Some people said the authors deliberately left it open for interpretation, so does that mean it’s intellectually lazy, just throwing up stuff without investigating it? I don’t know…
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August 16th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I finished Kaiji and Kaiba and even if I liked Kaiba. Kaiji still wins.
And the main plot of Kaiba appears near the end when you know who are the bird and the flying thing. But I totally hated the ending. It felt like they rushed it.
Well, Baka-Raptor didn’t mentioned how much the narrating voice in Kaiji rocked.
And Baka-Raptor, next step : watch Akagi, It’s like merging Kaiji atmosphere and with Golgo 13.
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August 16th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
KAIBA HAS CUTE ARTWORK!!!!
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August 16th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Think about Kaiba like The Little Prince merged with the Matrix mixed with another unknown substance (probably hallucinogens).
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August 16th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Warning: I’m going to be a troll and grossly generalize:
Kaiji is for people who are into logic/maths/numbers/economics – basically, people who are left-brain-dominant.
Kaiba is for those who are into abstract ideas/philosophy/art – i.e. those who are right-brain-dominant.
You are obvious a member of the former.
/End generalization
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August 16th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Yeah, Kaiba’s artwork really made me puke.
And I could never get down to understanding it. Memory-Eating plants just don’t cut it in my books, I guess.
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August 16th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
You left out the GAR factor.
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August 16th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Haibane Renmei is abstract to the point of meaninglessness
(Also, next should be Kaiba vs. Kiba, because I always mix those two up)
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August 16th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
jpmeyer: nothing in haibane is abstract
unless you’re fucking stupidand kittens are cute!It also is in no way open-ended. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
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August 16th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
But you have to admit that episode 3 of Kaiba was interesting.
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August 16th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I’m a pedophile.
>.> I’ve never seen Kaiji?
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August 16th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
@IKnight: Like those two weeks Peter Griffin spent narrating his own life.
@lelangir: Leaving crap unexplained is 100x worse *cough Evangelion cough*
@Hyunk: “It’s like merging Kaiji atmosphere and with Golgo 13.” – I’m on it.
@blissmo: Big deal, so do I.
@Asuka: That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me since that time I was called a natural resource.
@C.I.: I don’t even see how you can call it a plant. If it runs around and sucks people’s brains, it’s an animal.
@double: Kaiba quit before the GAR round came up.
@jpmeyer: Haven’t seen Haibane Renmei, though I’ll probably get roped into watching it by digitalboy…
@digitalboy: Well said. Puppies are cute too!
@The Sojourner: Sure, for filler.
@Hoshi: Watch Kaiji. It’ll gamble the pedophilia right out of you.
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August 16th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
@Baka-Raptor:
I demand satisfaction, I challenge you to a duel sir!
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August 17th, 2008 at 12:02 am
@Asperger’s: Accepted! I’ve been looking to play someone in a game of high-stakes chess. If you will, I’ll finish watching Kaiba and write re-review it. If I win, you must admit that Kaiba sucks. Furthermore, you are banned from drawing pictures of me.
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August 17th, 2008 at 1:51 am
Is Round 6 an allusion to “The Dark Knight”?
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August 17th, 2008 at 3:18 am
>Leaving crap unexplained is 100x worse *cough Evangelion cough*
unlike Haibane, I can see where someone thinks things weren’t explained in Eva, but they were. Throughly – they spent two fucking episodes explaining what happened. Everyone on earth became one consciousness – end of fucking story. There simply was nothing else after that. And then some people threatened to kill Hideaki Anno if he didn’t end it properly, so he made End of Eva which is even more balls-fucking-crazy and leaves 2 characters alive to rot in a post-apocalyptic wasteland – it could have been all ‘Congratulations! Happy end!’ but people had to bitch and now everyone died. Good going assholes!
Though I have to thank you because End of Eva IS the greatest thing ever.
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August 17th, 2008 at 4:54 am
@Baka-Raptor: Which online chess game do you use?
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August 17th, 2008 at 5:55 am
I haven’t seen this Kaiji, although I’m always up for some contractual sanctity issues. I do however take exception to the idea that something has to be intellectually deep to be rewarding. Kaiba is a love story, people treat it like a philosophical statement because it’s one of the only shows with some genuine imagination. The meaning is up-front, you have to work to figure out what’s going on – I find this an entirely acceptable model.
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August 17th, 2008 at 9:48 am
@Praz: Sure, why not. (I still need to see that movie)
@digitalboy: The ending of Eva was explained, but the background definitely wasn’t. For example, where did that Loginus Lance come from?
@Asperger’s: The only online chess I’ve ever played was through Yahoo, and I haven’t done it in at least six years.
@coburn: “I do however take exception to the idea that something has to be intellectually deep to be rewarding.” – You’re talking to a guy who’s infatuated with Kamen no Maid Guy (although it’s deeper than one might expect). Round 7 is really an attack on the fans who “treat it like a philosophical statement.”
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August 17th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
>@digitalboy: The ending of Eva was explained, but the background definitely wasn’t. For example, where did that Loginus Lance come from?
*opens Bible, points to page*
*opens encyclopedia to ‘Deus ex Machina’*
Maybe it’s masochism, but I love it when things aren’t explained. Makes me feel like less of a dumbass wasting time while I hear explanations instead of what’s important.
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August 17th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
@Baka-Raptor: The Lance of Longinus was a weapon used to keep the angels under control. It was created by the greater beings who created the angels, and came with Adam inside the white moon. Read it up on Wikipedia, a lot of this stuff was explained in the Evangelion 2 game.
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August 18th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Wow. Digitalboy said something I agree with. I think I’m going to have to go in for surgery, because a heart attack isn’t far away.
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:14 am
This is the most amazingly colourful and sleek site ever! xD As for Kaiba.. I still have to see this. Though I am hesitant on what review I saw before with the word ‘sexplosion’. WTH does that mean? O.O
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August 18th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
@digitalboy: Now I want to know why Gendo Ikari was so eager to get rid of the lance. Explanations can be annoying when you hear them, but they help the show flow later on. You can sit back and enjoy the ride instead of wondering what the hell is going on. One of the things I love about Claymore is that it explains everything you’ll need to know in the first four episodes. Then it just takes off.
@MoeCakeLobster: That’s my point. I shouldn’t have to buy every damn thing in the Evangelion franchise to understand what’s going on. I like my anime self-contained.
@LJ: You won’t find too many people disagreeing with his statement that kittens are cute.
@Humane: In one of the episodes (the second I believe), the main character get hired as a gigolo and pumps up his client so good that she explodes. It’s not as exciting as it sounds. My website it definitely more artistic and erotic.
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August 18th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I’m going to go see Kaiba just because
Sarvy-chan trolled itI’m a pedophile. :3[Reply]
August 20th, 2008 at 12:08 am
@Hyunk: Just marathoned Akagi. It was awesome. Would’ve been even better if I knew anything about Mahjong.
@Praz: Just saw The Dark Knight. Makes me feel like a sucker for coming up with the coin flip all by myself.
@Michael: In that case you’ll love Kaiba.
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August 20th, 2008 at 5:33 am
@Baka-Raptor: It seems I forgot to tell you it was about Mahjong! What did you think about my included checklist?
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August 20th, 2008 at 7:06 am
Ah well, maybe in your next post, you can think of clever ways to make pencils disappear.
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August 20th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I was thinking about the manner of asking those questions that appear to be crowbarred depth, mostly because I have nothing to do for another month, when I realized. None of those questions are actually open-ended.
Specifically, “souls are mythological shorthand for the concept of consciousness”, “Memories are excuses to regret shit”, and “Spirits are hippies.
So… What exactly is it when a question is presented as open-ended in a hamfisted attempt at creating the illusion of depth, when the question is concrete and definite? Pretentiousness? Mindfuckery?
The French probably have a word for it.
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August 20th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Preview of Kaiji Season 2
http://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=25246
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August 21st, 2008 at 9:35 pm
@TheBastid : Thanks to you I can’t wait for season 2. I hate you
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August 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 am
[...] might think that Kaiji and Akagi are two different shows. Wrong – they’re exactly the same: a male protagonist [...]
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
@Hyunkel: See Talk-A-Raptor 03.
@Praz: Working on it.
@LJ: I believe they call it “Le Bullshit”
@TheBastid: It’ll “air in a year or two.” I want it now.
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August 25th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
[...] Then the show temporarily goes downhill. Watanuki couldn’t wait more than 30 seconds to throw his first bitchy tantrum of the season. Then he lost an eye, which made it all worthwhile. Later he turns into Kaiji. [...]
August 26th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I suppose that I shouldn’t mention that I just found a Kaiji thread on 4ch’s /cm, huh?
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October 24th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Am I the only the one who thought that Kaiba was the guy from Yu-Gi-Oh?
Screw the rules, I have green hair!
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January 7th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
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February 7th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
[...] don’t care about style. Whether characters look pointy or retarded doesn’t matter to me as long as I get a good story. What I do find annoying is when [...]
September 15th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
[...] contractual sanctity (both written and verbal), rational choice theory, and fluid dynamics (Baka-Raptor [...]
April 9th, 2010 at 7:18 am
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