Season 5: Sellout

Prehistoric fans of this site know that I organize my archives into half-year seasons. This is no longer necessary because WordPress automatically archives my posts; nevertheless, it’s a tradition I shall continue. Today marks the end of Season 5, the approximate 2.5 year mark of, as well as my half-year milestone since selling out. The title “Sellout” refers to my earth-shaking switch from a Maddox-style HTML-only bare-bones anything-goes website to a glossy PHP/CSS/SQL/HTML otaku-interest-only blog with polls, comment boxes, tag clouds, and an RSS feed. Why did I sellout? Because having a manly kickass website for two years got me nothing, except the privilege of being The Knight of Zero.

Anime blogs that started later than me, such as THAT and RIUVA, regularly reach my monthly hit totals in a matter of hours. Even though I was light-years from catching up to my kouhais, I knew I could at least do better than 50 unique visitors per day. Six months after selling out, I’ve tripled that mark, but there’s still plenty of room for improvement. I’ve been brainstorming more ways to sell out:

  • Pretend I’m a girl
  • Blog episodes of Code Geass and every show from Kyoto Animation
  • SEO optimization
  • “Ecchi” picture dumps of “lolis”
  • J-List Advertisements

Now for your season highlights:

3/2: I make my first official sellout-era post.

3/20: I beat up Raki.

4/1: The Pizza-Raptor banner adorns my homepage, displacing Baka-Raptor for the first time in site history.

4/3: I watch the best anime drama ever. Then I change its shitty title.

4/8: To mark my induction to the Anime Nano RSS feed, I document the vital role of dinosaurs in anime.

4/11: I discover the secret to making a popular post: Kyonko.

4/16: My campaign to win an ABA produces my most popular sellout-era post.

4/27: I don’t win any ABAs, but I do win all the BRAs.

4/30: I meet my co-host, Tidus!

5/1: Pizza-Raptor dies.

5/5: Talk-A-Raptor 01 revolutionizes the world of video blogging.

5/17: I write an intentionally crappy post to bait the trolls. Then I censor their comments.

5/30 – 7/12: I write the Kure-nai sucks trilogy.

6/3: I finally begin watching Evangelion.

6/12: I jump off the Bridge of Sighs.

7/15: 1000 comments!

7/31: I make the greatest contribution to literary discourse ever.

8/16: tak comments on my Raki post nearly five months after I wrote it, thus ending the greatest inside joke in the history of this website.

Now that I’ve been around for five seasons, it’s about damn time I made myself a Hall of Fame. I plan to induct eight posts from the prehistoric era and two posts from each sellout-era season. Although I’m making the final calls, suggestions will be considered.

I’m also planning to put up a quote rotator. I got the idea from the badass quote rotator over at typezero.

I’m obviously going to put up quotes from my posts, but I’ll also consider the best comments you’ve written, as well as the best comments I’ve written, even if I wrote them on other sites. If you have any nominations for the quote rotator or the hall of fame, stick them in the comments.

39 people love sucking up to me

  1. That’s too bad you had had to sellout, Sarv. I guess it’s necessary because you wanted to be visible. In the time of technologies upping the ante every single time, a bare-bones HTML website does not invite visitors. Either it suggests ignorance, or idiocy. I’m SURE you’re not ignorant or idiotic! :3

  2. @issa-sa: You can be my Knight of Negative One.

    @Michael: You got caught by my spam filter twice in a row. Who do you think you are, lolikit? Or are you just trying to become a dojikko like me?

  3. on my page ranking toolbar you are at #760,196. Does that make you feel better? (maybe i shouldn’t mention that in my toolbar #1 is the best) But then not everyone can be Yahoo… But hey maybe being a girl and j-list ads might be a good idea, works for me!

  4. those popularity strategies are all amazing ideas. Every time I get depressed about my post count, I select a random popular show (usually code geass) to talk about. I gotta warn you though, porn gets you more hits, but often hits you don’t want.

    anyway congrats on new season you angry, hateful bastard.

  5. Hmm. I get around 15 recorded hits a day from people googling ‘furry porn’ (I used the phrase once, in a jocular reference to Spice and Wolf). As digitalboy says, it’s relatively easy to get more visitors, but they might not be visitors you want . . .

  6. nice run through of strategies… i look forward to the day you start pretending to be a girl.

    agrees with digitalboy and iknight. there is nothing worse than getting total weirdos with no knowledge on the genre. WAIT! i can think of something worse: rabid loyal-to-death-or-until-i-get-a-boyfriend-whichever-comes-first [random geass character] fanboys and fangirls getting in your blog raging you called someone gay.

  7. I liked it better before RSS :p F5’ing is a lot more fun than waiting a new post from you to show up to my google reader.

    But indeed there is something primal and manly about having a bare bone website..

  8. @Dancing Queen: Nice to know I made the top million…

    @IcyStorm: Don’t get too close to me. I’ll only end up hurting you.

    @digitalboy: Hits I don’t want? Does not compute.

    @IKnight: I don’t get 15 hits a day from anything, even if you count “baka raptor” and “baka-raptor” as one query.

    @LJ: Just wait ’til I do a recap of this in my 3-year anniversary post.

    @biankita: Traps are all the rage these days.

    @keke: This RSS thing cuts down on my total hit count. People should be checking my site every five minutes for updates.

  9. Ho! It’s me, back from the dead.

    If you want over 9000 hits, Naruto + porn are your magic words. Nakkid, bathing and sasuke are popular terms as well. If you want lawsuits, I can help you with that as well! -_^

  10. This had to be the worst season of the entire baka-raptor seasons history ! I mean…it could be reaaaaaaly a coincidence, but the fact is that baka-raptor selled-out together with his site and that’s how things ended… What’s the point of beeing like riuva and have tons of hits (AND PUT HITS ON IT) with empty posts/comments.
    Baka-Raptor may have nearly 50 fans of his site, but they’re loyal fans! And most of them comes from glorious pre-historic days where dinosaurs ruled every post. I’m not saying it was a bad idea to level up the site…but i just feel like the others seasons were much more better than this last one: who can’t remember baddas posts like this one : or this, not to mention all others and so one…

    One good point for this season was the introduction of TALK-A-NON-BREATHING-FIRE-RAPTOR who were quite original and a plus for this season.

    Congrats Baka-Raptor, and remember, the day when the posts of this site catch you with the manga, be wise, stop for a while and later come with baddas posts, or you’ll end up writing entire seasons of (yet profitable) filler posts and your site will look like this one:

  11. I think you’ll get more traffic if you pretend you’re involved in some good ol’ brocon BL loving… or I guess some good ol’ siscon is fine too.

    Also, I ignore RSS feeds and check your blog whenever I’m bored. Which is whenever I can’t find anything to shoot or 4ch is down. Or something like that.

  12. You only get about 150 visitors a day? You must have a really high amount of people who actually comment then. At my best I had like 300 hits a day, but only like 2 comments per post or something stupid like that. I’d say the best way to get readership is to blog all of the ‘big’ shows.. then eventually they will goggle you and find your blog, if that’s what you actually want.

  13. @Michael: I love a good EF – A Tale of Lesbians quote. (I love whoring that post as much as you love whoring Finnegans Wake)

    @lolikitsune: Thaaaaaaaaaat’s so wonderrrrrrfulllllll…

    @Teeif: I’m always up for a good lawsuit.

    @digitalboy: It’s a good start.

    @Laguna: Don’t worry, I’m bringing back the old list style posts (Anime Characters Who Are Almost As Cool As Me, The Useless Character Hall of Shame, Midterm Reviews etc…) as soon as I reconfigure WordPress to let me do HR’s (those silver horizontal lines running across the scross).

    @A Day Without Me: How fitting that you commented right before him…

    @Praz: That’s because it was delicious.

    @Epi: No matter what I do, it doesn’t attract new visitors; it only makes the same visitors fall deeper in love with me.

    @Kabitzin: He’s playing on Thursday. Believe it.

  14. @Kabitzin: πŸ˜†

    @lolikitsune: After watching this video, I’ve been inspired to polish my rhymes.

    @MoeCakeLobster: I’m guessing this “Advice Dog” is another meme I’m oblivious to.

    @A Day Without Me: Just like Eli Manning in the Super Bowl.

  15. As a Redskins fan, I support the Eli-bashing, and hope that Washington does that a lot tomorrow.

    Ummm… Congrats on season 5. Often when you’re “selling out”, your best stuff is yet to come. You just have to prove all the nay-sayers (and people who aren’t true fans of your stuff) wrong. :3

  16. How a good blog like this isn’t worthy of a good page rank? Maybe is the blogs template, the lack of a demo image after the title of every post… Anyway, At least you got some loyal readers.

  17. Time to come out of retirement. I feel the need to remind you all that Eli Manning stinks, and will always stink. I am an authority on stinking, since I am a Lions fan, and we just got clowned by the Atlanta Falcons today.

    Baka, if you care, the CMU football team did well. We beat OWU 35-7 the other day. The depressing thing is it was away and we still got about two thirds of our normal amount of fans.

  18. @TheBigN:

    @Yamcha: Thank you, Nostradamus.

    @AGear2Ax: I’m sure it’s the template, but I’ve already sold that out enough.

    @The Sojourner: You probably got geassed.

    @Asperger’s: Don’t tell me what to do.

    @Joe: That is depressing. This should cheer you up.

  19. […] Speaking of insipid political analogies, politicians often say that if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig. What about dinosaurs? The design of is about as sexy as a barn fire (which only seems to arouse me and Krauser). OH has the pedophilic kind of sexy design that’s all the rage these days.Β  Just look at these tiny fonts. Look at this fixed-width column. Look at my avatar. Holy shit, I’m trendy! Perhaps a drastic cosmetic makeover is just what I need achieve my dream of becoming a true sellout. […]

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