The day after Christmas is a magical time when people flock to stores to return all the crappy gifts they’ve received. Certain anime personalities would like to make returns as well…
Lelouch: Hello, I’d like to return this stupid-looking hat.
Baka-Raptor: Do you have a receipt?
Lelouch: No
Baka-Raptor: No receipt, no return.
Lelouch: Take it back – Lelouch vi Britannia commands you!
Baka-Raptor: That won’t work. I’ve already been Geassed once.
Lelouch: Can I at least get store credit?
Baka-Raptor: No, get lost.
Tsukasa: Hi, can I return my cell phone?
I’m told this scene is supposed to be funny
Baka-Raptor: Is it broken?
Tsukasa: No, I’m just too stupid and useless to know how to use it.
Baka-Raptor: Too bad.
Tsukasa: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Baka-Raptor: Get lost.
Kurenai: Hello, I’d like to return this Murasaki.
Baka-Raptor: All Murasakis must be returned directly to the manufacturer.
Kurenai: You mean her pedophilic incestual rapist family?
Baka-Raptor: Yes.
Kurenai: Sure, I see no problem with that. I’d also like to return my bone-sword.
Baka-Raptor: Why?
Kurenai: Having a retractable scythe grafted to your arm isn’t “true power.”
Baka-Raptor: Yes it is. Get lost.
The Other Kurenai: Hello, I’d like to return these birth-control pills.
Baka-Raptor: They didn’t work?
The Other Kurenai: Ordinary means of contraception are no match for Asuma’s potent seed.
Baka-Raptor: When did you buy them?
The Other Kurenai: Last month.
Baka-Raptor: Sorry, there’s a 30-day return limit.
Saji: Hello sir, I would like to return this tambourine.
Baka-Raptor: Why?
Saji: Krauser raped it.
Baka-Raptor: You idiot, that just makes it more valuab— I mean, yes, I’ll take it.
Saji: Yay! *does a geyyyy dance*
Random Soul Eater Character: Hello, I’d like to return this Excalibur.
Baka-Raptor: Not again…
Random Soul Eater Character: He’s so damn annoying.
Baka-Raptor: Just put him back where you found him.
Faeries: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Tite Kubo: Would it be possible to return this Dondochakka and Pesche? It has come to my attention that they are the shittiest characters in the history of anime.
Baka-Raptor: Why not kill them off? It’s all in my script.
Tite Kubo: Thanks!
Baka-Raptor: You’re welcome.
Sesshoumaru: Hello, I would like to return this Toukijin.
Baka-Raptor: What’s the matter?
Sesshoumaru: ¡Mi espada se rompió!
Baka-Raptor: You’ll have to take this claim over to Baja-Raptor over in the Spanish department.
Sesshoumaru: I was just there. He told me to come here.
Baka-Raptor: Sorry, only the Spanish department can handle this transaction.
Sesshoumaru: BUT I WAS JUST THERE!
Baka-Raptor: The rules are the rules.
Sesshoumaru: Dammit…
Shizuru: Hello, I would like to return this Nao.
Baka-Raptor: Have you used her?
Shizuru: Just once…
Baka-Raptor: Is she in her original packaging?
Shizuru: Possibly
Baka-Raptor: Do you have a receipt?
Shizuru: Yes
Baka-Raptor: Ok
Alicia: Hello!
Baka-Raptor: Why hello there.
Alicia: Ara ara! I would like to return this gondola!
Baka-Raptor: Is there a problem with it?
Alicia: No, but I won’t be needing it anymore now that I’m retired and getting married.
Baka-Raptor: You’re retired and getting married?! Get out!
Alicia: Ara ara, I’m serious!
Baka-Raptor: I’m serious too! Get out! *throws beer can at Alicia*
Athena: Excuse me, I’d like to return my gondola too.
Baka-Raptor: Didn’t you return yours last night?
Athena: Oh yeah
Kenshiro: Hello, I would like to return this flamethrower.
Baka-Raptor: What’s wrong with it?
Kenshiro: I have no need for it. Hokuto Shin Ken has been passed down for 2000 years. It is invincible.
Baka-Raptor: That doesn’t mean you can’t use a flamethrower once in a while. How about a 30-day trial? I’ll even throw in this gun for free!
Kenshiro: Sounds good.
Prepare yourself for the deluge of stupid questions inevitable when mixing the companies of awesome and shit.
No nyoro? oh well.
Does anyone buy anything from this Baka-Raptor-R-Us? At this rate sounds like it has a pretty nice inventory …
Or are you sold out? *rimshot*
Anyway, I approve of your awesomeness.
Baka-Raptor, I like to return this episode 11 of Chaos;Head. I was expecting a Higurashi ending but got Bleach instead.
ref: http://jinx.fi/2008/12/22/chaoshead-episode-11-quick-post-i-accidentally-the-episode-overview/
Oh, receipt? Yes, I have it in the form of a dot-torrent file.
You sure sold a lot of crap since they all want to return it XD
Baka-Raptor, I’d like to return the anime series you recommended, Strawberry Panic… oh wait, it rules. Never mind, then.
Did any anime return my youth? I kinda want it back nao…
I would like to return this Akikan which has a very ugly girl inside and is not Melon.
I have a receipt. 😀
You should really have some sort of screening process for these people.
LJ: Wants to return the detective kit he received for Christmas (already has the deluxe version).
Impz: Wants to return the ID card confirming he’s over 18.
CCY: Wants to return half of each of his tl;dr posts.
bakaneko: Return rejected. If there’s no Dondochakka or Pesche, it’s not as bad as Bleach.
blissmo: Wants to return all the bloggers who defected to OH!
Eroshiyda: Wants to return her heterosexuality after watching Strawberry Panic.
Os: See Impz.
Kairu: Return rejected. However, you may exchange it for one of equal or lesser value.
Omisyth: Wants to return To Aru Majutsu No Index, Kuroshitsuji, and Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae. Wait, you were watching Kuroshitsuji? I didn’t know you were into gay butlers.
@Baka-Raptor: I’m actually bisexual, so all I returned after watching Strawberry Panic was my boyfriend.
@Baka: I would like to return one Detroit Lions team, reason: Defective Merchandise.
@baka:
baka: hey gnarfard what’s up
gnarfard: mang I wish I had wordpress
baka: don’t worry I wish I had an HTML layout
gnarfard: do you have a receipt?
baka: no
gnarfard: sorry no returns haha!
baka: damnit!
XD
@Baka-raptor: Oh wtf. Ill get lost now.
Can I get the tambourine for my belated Christmas present? 😛
@Eroshiyda: Score. Now I need to find a lesbian and a gay guy who read this site. I’ve already got straight guys, straight girls, pedophiles, closet gays (trap-lovers), asexuals, and now a bisexual. I have receipts for all of them. If only I could trade some of the pedophiles…
@Joe: I’ll have to reject your return unless all potential alternative remedies have been exhausted. Have you tried suing the Lions? That’s what happened to the Bengals.
@Gnarfard: I can return any time I want
@Hoshi: How would you know that I’m not giving you a fake?
Can I buy that Nao? No apparent reason. She’s just sexy that way— tied up in a box.
I’ve been trying to snag you a bona fide gay reader for quite a while now, but he keeps getting distracted by Gravitation fanfics, lolcat macros, the notion that he doesn’t read awesome blogs, and, to be frank, shiny objects. Dead serious.
I don’t suppose a pansexual and an antequarian anglophile will do in the meantime?
I’d like to return this wooden star. An expert on the subject has assured me that it is, in fact, a wooden starfish.
Quality post.
@Rakuen: Nao is 14. She’s the Happy Meal of lesbians in a box. How about someone a little older?
@LJ: Geyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I’m pretty sure I have an anglophile or two, and if I had to guess, Shin is a pansexual.
@jcpenguin: I was planning to use that joke but returned it. It’s only fair to allow you to return it as well.
@Merk: Wants to return the precious hours he spent watching Haruka Nogizaka’s Secret.
Hahaha; genius. “used Nao” Who’d want that? :[
@Baka-Raptor: Oh god, Nao’s 14? Perfect!
It’s ok since I’m 16, which kinda makes me a young lolicon?
@Aizen: I’d love to.
klfjasklfjfjsjwijfwiajfoIU(*$&(*&W(*jJFLjlklijlololwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
that 2nd video….yeah….
epic post.
I want to return this post. Shouldn’t have ended the year that way.
@Baka: How about an exchange for equal value, then? I was thinking William Clay Ford, Sr. for a houseplant of some kind.
I don’t think anything I say will ever justify the epicness of this post. Made of PURE WIN.
@Aizen: Apparently Rakuen.
@Rakuen: 16 on 14, that’s a close call. Her birthday is June 13. If you’re more than two years older, you’re probably a pedophile. Check your local laws to be sure.
@lelangir: Wants to return his broken keyboard.
@ghostlightning: Are you returning all three copies? If so, you’ll need the consent of the post’s co-owners.
@Joe: Sure, but he’s not worth enough to throw in the flower pot and dirt for free.
@usagijen: Wants to return her broken blogroll (it doesn’t include Baka-Raptor).
@Baka-Raptor: NOOOOO!!!!!
Koyasu and Daisuke Gori have overplayed their wacky hijinks in the anime, but I aver that in the manga at least Pesche and Dondo do not suck.
LOL. Kenshiro uses flamethrowers and guns?! Damn! Which episode…