A Game? Why Didn’t You Say So?!

After watching two episodes, I was ready to shelve Eden of the East for a marathon. It wasn’t bad, but aside from the animation quality, it didn’t strike me as anything promising. Memory loss. Biblical allusions. Male nudity. None of these turn me on. I shall address each in turn:

1. Male Nudity

Everyone seems to love the naked guy in the first episode. Great. That’s progressive. Female nudity is trashy, yet male nudity is artistic and family friendly. Thing is, these tools only appreciate male nudity for what it represents, not for what it is (unless they’re gay). Heterosexual males don’t want to see other naked men. Women aren’t aroused by naked men either, as exemplified by the above picture. After all, women hate sex (except lesbians). Don’t believe me? Here’s a sampling of the women seeking men ads on Craigslist:

  • Good girl seeking a good guy
  • ms right is seeking mr. right
  • Spacey girl looks for understanding guy
  • Looking for an honest man
  • Lookin for a nice man!
  • Looking for a monogamous man
  • Looking for the Wall Street type
  • White girl’s looking for a $upportive Japanese boyfriend
  • the ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands

No wonder they’re single. They could learn a thing or two from the women seeking women ads:

  • Cute local Female seeking HORNY KINKY FEMALE
  • Wanna play with some boobs in Midtown
  • Discrete tongue action N.S.A.
  • In need of some amazing sex
  • Can I get these sucked tonight?
  • Looking for a Third
  • On my knees and between your legs

And people wonder why I think lesbians are awesome.

2. Memory Loss

Another show about memory loss. Whoop-dee-doo. Eden of the East — a tale of memories. Good luck getting someone less boring than a heterosexual woman to care.

3. Biblical Allusions

I’m fine with allusions to the extent they serve a compression function. If the events of your story are similar to the events of a more famous story, why explain the whole thing when it’s much easier to reference the famous story? I draw the line when people start playing the trivial parallels game:

Hey, let’s all be douchebags and draw trivial parallels between every minute detail of Eden of the East and Jesus’s life!

No thanks, if I want a story that has everything to do with Jesus, I’ll download the Bible. Allusions are fine when they make the message easier to express or understand. If the work to figure out the message is worth more than the message itself, I’m not interested (with one exception).

Let’s see…there are 12 Selecao…OH SHIT JUST LIKE JESUS HAD 12 APOSTLES!

Because the story wouldn’t make any sense if there were only ten. Let’s ditch the philosophy for a moment and do something useful: math.

  • 11 episodes
  • 12 Selecao
  • 5 Selecao introduced through 6 episodes
  • 7 more to go in 5 episodes

The numbers in this show will probably suffer the same fate as the numbers in Black Cat: no screen time except a token appearance towards the end. If they hadn’t blown their budget drawing perfect 3D renditions of Washington DC, they’d have enough money to make a full season or two to cover everyone.

In addition to the above reasons not to watch the show, I had every slot in my lineup filled for the season:

  • Must Watch: Cross Game
  • Sleeper Hit: Pandora Hearts
  • Guilty Pleasure: Queen’s Blade
  • Sequel/Adaptation/Remake: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood
  • Giri: K-ON
  • The Swooping Descent of the Dark Emissary! The Propagation of Malice: Sengoku Basara
  • Shot in the Dark: Valkryia Chronicles
  • Clean-Up: Asura Cryin’

Then, as I was giving the show a final chance before shelving it, a bomb was dropped. Suddenly the show was awesome.


No, this is not a spoiler. It’s the true essence of the show, and it should’ve been revealed in the first episode to prevent anyone who isn’t gay from thinking it sucks. The rules:

  • 12 involuntarily selected players get 10 billion yen each
  • Each one must use to money to try to “save” Japan
  • Once a player’s money runs out, he’s killed
  • If a player goes one month without using any money, he’s killed
  • If the money is used in a non-savior-like way, the player is killed
  • The killing is done by an enforcer, who is one of the 12 players
  • A player survives if he is the first to save Japan, and the rest are killed
  • Only one player may survive the game

Now we’re getting somewhere. In the Clean-Up spot, Eden of the East replaces Asura Cryin’, which is on hold until further notice.

34 people love sucking up to me

  1. >>No wonder they’re single.

    I fell out of my chair laughing.

    >>And people wonder why I think lesbians are awesome.

    That’s as far as I got.

  2. the section on lesbians should be a post by itself… or maybe you already made a post about it, but I’m too lazy to look through your archives.

    I might marathon this show if enough people still thinks it’s the best show of the at the end of the series.

  3. I like your reasoning a lot, since I’ve been the voice of hatred against Eden in a world of mindless praise, and I also like your game point, though that’s not making me want to watch the show any more…..

  4. I watched Eden of the East’s first episode two weeks ago; and I’m planning to watch the rest! 😀

    “women don’t get aroused by naked men.” I agree…especially if we don’t know the naked man in the first place.

  5. >> ..male nudity is artistic and family friendly.
    Thats not true. The male nudity in the first episode was a failure for me and they dont really need to do tha- Oh wait, are you being sarcastic?

    What? The game? Is this some /b/ reference or something?

  6. these reasons might just have been subconsciously in my mind when I decided to avoid watching more of Eden of the East past episode 1 lol.

    Must Watch: Cross Game


  7. I’ve put it on hold until the end of the season for marathoning. I’ll check back with you to see if you think it’s worth completing. I’ve seen four episodes.

  8. “the ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands”

    LMAO. Seriously?

    You left out complete waste of a female character except to serve as a perpetual wet blanket.

  9. Nice lesbian post, Baka-Raptor… I mean, nice summary of Eden of the East. I’m a fan of male nudity, and I read the bible three times before I was 15 (it’s actually interesting; I love all of the fanciful children’s bedtime stories in it).

  10. Once I tried reading the Bible, but then it just listed names for pages and pages…like:

    Abraham had a son John, John had a son Bill. Bill had a son Paul. Paul had a son Swuisovn. On and on and on and on and on and then I realized that God was a shitty writer.

    You wanna talk about nakedness….well….look no farther than Seinfeld:

    (3 minutes in)

  11. Totally agreed. I was extremely disturbed with the naked man and the fact that everyone in the show were talking about “Johnnys” made it worse.

    Didn’t even think of the biblical allusions at all, though. But it does indeed make sense – 12 apostles, 1 being the Judas who fucks everyone over. Good game.

  12. Duh, women aren’t aroused by young nakid mans. Now aged bespectacled Italian waitstaff on the other hand… Something your lineup’s sadly lacking btw

  13. I just lost The Game thanks to you.

    Damn you Baka-Raptor.

    Anyway, I like Eden of the East but haven’t seen the recent episodes due to study pressure. Who knows, maybe the biblical allusions theory is correct!

  14. @korosora: That’s ok, you’ll have plenty of time to reread this before my next post goes up.

    @zzeroparticle: Everyone loves a Wall Street Kid!

    @TJ: Lesbianism is too big to cover in one post. I tackle it piece by piece in all my posts.

    @digitalboy: Wait it out for now. I’ll tell you if it’s any good by the end.

    @Z-5: Most men would prefer to see naked women we don’t know. Or maybe that’s just me. All the women I know are losers.

    @Z-6: The biblical stuff isn’t necessary to follow the story. It’s mainly there for coffeehouse pseudo-intellectuals to circle jerk over.

    @Day: It started when I was looking for a new car. Then I saw the lesbian ads and couldn’t help looking…

    @Kairu: Lost already?

    @usagijen: If not for Sengoku Basara, Cross Game would double as The Swooping Descent of the Dark Emissary! The Propagation of Malice.

    @ghostlightning: If you didn’t like it after four, you probably won’t like it after six. Stick to Asura Cryin’ for now. We’ll compare notes later.

    @RP: Saki does suck, doesn’t she? By the way, the “chick” with deep voice is in all likelihood a post-op transsexual with a “Johnny” complex because “she” had “hers” chopped off. Think about it.

    @Eroshiyda: Well, I suppose Akira is androgynous enough that it’s plausible for a girl to not mind seeing him naked.

    @OBALLER: There’s a big difference between the two. Bourne was played by Matt Damon, the best actor in Hollywood. Akira is not.

    @Glo the Legend: Ah yes, saw that ep a long time ago. It further proves my point that women hate naked men and only have sex because they want attention.

    @Aizen: Come on, how you miss the allusions? Every phone call ends with the word messiah.

    @issa-sa: No, I will not watch Ristorante Paradiso, or Antique Bakery, or whatever

    @animekritik: Must…watch…Battle…Royale…

    @Asperger’s: Study pressure? No excuses. I’m going blind, but that hasn’t stopped me from watching K-ON. Neither has common sense.

  15. – The killing is done by an enforcer, who is one of the 12 players
    – Only one player may survive the game

    Guess who’ll be the last survivor.

  16. I’m personally enjoying Eden so I can’t complain about anything other than male nudity (which would disappear the moment the Johnny meme dies), but I now see what all the fuss about Craig’s List is for. You learn something new every day 0_o

    @ Asperger’s: Now I lost the game, damn it!

  17. I totally agree that “the game” aspect is the most interesting part of Eden of the East. I’d probably put the show on hold too without it.

  18. > Women aren’t aroused by naked men either, as exemplified by the above picture.

    She’s obviously afraid of that white fuzzy stuff…and, honestly, who wouldn’t be?

  19. Hey, and I thought you had dropped K-ON! (you had taken quite a hard stance on that one in your previous article)
    I don’t know whether I should be relieved that you are watching it anyway or disappointed that you went with the stream rather than assuming your ideas and refusing to watch more ^^

  20. I felt my brain being raped for some reason. The only reason I’m not watching Eden of the Friggin’ East is because of the animation, but once I get enough psychological rehabilitation and a monthly supply of yogurt, I will jump right into it. That’s a promise, because I dig that kind of plot– the same way I liked Mirai Nikki.

  21. I’ve never wondered why you think lesbians are awesome. I’d wonder more why anyone DOESN’T think lesbians are awesome.

    “The Swooping Descent of the Dark Emissary! The Propagation of Malice”

    You have a slot for a show like this every season?

  22. I like how that one girl emphasizes on the fact that shes just after the Dudes money by using the $ sign instead of an S.Or is she just tring to be cool?

    End of Story: Lesbians rock

    Ive enjoyed Eden of the East so far.To be honest I didnt even notice those Jesus and his Apostel parallels until you mentioned it.I guess Jesus would have send those Jewish Neets to Saudi-Arabia aswell eh?

  23. @ETERNAL: That’s ok, I’ll do the complaining for the both of us.

    @Akira: I’m a plot man. Always have been. Sometimes I think I’ve changed. Then I watch shows like Death Note and Higurashi and remember that plot is the single most important element of any show.

    @j.valdez: Krauser-tan isn’t afraid of white stuff.

    @neothoron: Don’t get me wrong, K-ON is terrible. Unfortunately, shows in the giri category can’t be dropped for sucking. They can only be dropped if they become unpopular. Each category has its own dropping criteria. I’ll do a post on it.

    @Rakuen: Keep waiting, the plot hasn’t gone anywhere since I wrote this post.

    @Michael: Just like a heterosexual woman in bed.

    @Omisyth: The slot’s always there. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always get filled.

    @Blowfish: Money isn’t all women care about. Oh wait, never mind.

    @Hyunk: Agreed. Not enough gamesmanship, too much Johnny talk.

  24. […] Anyway, now that I’ve established in an objective manner that K-ON sucks, you may be wondering why I’m still watching it. Hey, and I thought you had dropped K-ON! (you had taken quite a hard stance on that one in your previous article) I don’t know whether I should be relieved that you are watching it anyway or disappointed that you went with the stream rather than assuming your ideas and refusing to watch more ^^ — neothoron […]

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