Onani Master Kurosawa: Finally, A Character I Can Relate To

“Onani means masturbation. And that’s what this guy is good at. Every day after school, he sneaks into the mostly unused girls bathroom on the 3rd floor, and masturbates. Until one day when he’s caught…

This is a story of mistakes, redemption, and the choices made in between. It contains the very worst and best of the human condition.”

Many bloggers will tell you that this story rocks. They have no idea just how right they are. What makes me any more qualified to analyze this manga? Unlike the other bloggers, I, like Kurosawa, am an Onani Master.

Several years ago, I worked part-time in a building that had only one restroom per floor. My floor had a women’s restroom. I worked in the evening when nobody else was around, so when I had to go to the bathroom, I’d take care of my business in the women’s room instead of walking up or down a floor to the men’s room. Then one day it occurred to me that I could jerk off there.

Exactly how I looked

Why would a man jerk off in the women’s restroom? Because he can. It’s really no different from jerking off in a tree. You have no consent to be in the women’s restroom, which makes it like rape. Furthermore, it’s a public restroom, which makes it like public rape.

Best of all, nobody was ever around. I got much more privacy in the women’s restroom than I ever got in my dorm. The women’s restroom turned out to be the most practical, convenient place to jerk off until I quit my job at the end of semester. I haven’t jerked off in a women’s restroom since. Kurosawa stopped as well, but his story took a sligthly different path: he got caught and was blackmailed into becoming the masturbatory version of The Rapeman. Rather than “righting wrongs through penetration,” he’d right wrongs through masturbation. For example, at some point he carries out justice by raping a musical instrument that is not a tambourine. Which one? Read the story to find out.

While many assert that Kurosawa is an excellent character, few, if any, have called him realistic. I’d say he’s one of the most realistic characters I’ve ever seen:

1. His greatest daily pleasure is masturbation

Your favorite sports team doesn’t play every day. Your favorite TV show doesn’t air new episodes every day. Your favorite blogger doesn’t update every day. What can you always count on to brighten up your day? Masturbation. You can do it every day, and it’s always great from start to finish. It shouldn’t be so surprising to see a character looking forward to his daily ritual.  If anything, you should be shocked to see so many characters never thinking about it.

2. He’s not interested in making friends

Typically, an antisocial anime character falls into at least one of two stereotypes:

  • The character has no social skills
  • The character has emotional issues

Finally we get a character who chooses not to make friends for one perfectly sensible reason: he’d rather jerk off than hang out. It’s the story of my life.

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33 people love sucking up to me

  1. Awesome. I envy you. I cannot be an onani master because of this: http://twitpic.com/dz2qq

    Fap for me. Nay, FAP FOR ALL OF US.

  2. lelangir says:

    I would be interesting in witnessing a dinosaur CUM BUCKETS

  3. Snark says:

    Finally, a hero for the rest of us.

  4. digitalboy says:

    This is actually exactly what my post is going to be like, only with more sentimental bullshit padding.

  5. Eroshiyda says:

    Disturbing… but effective.

  6. animekritik says:

    @ghostlightning

    Lube.

  7. schneider says:

    #1: so true

    So does Baka-Raptor squirt his load on the cubicle door, too?

  8. intro says:

    There is only one other character that I can think of: Lester Burnham from American Beauty.

  9. Omisyth says:

    It’s so annyoing. Every time I see the White Hammer pic, Kurosawa’s drawing makes me think of Sasuke. I don’t want to relate this manga with Naruto.

  10. Kyoin says:

    I haven’t heard of a more realistic character since M-O from Wall-E. I need to read this manga immediatedly.

  11. Blowfish says:

    I have read about this Manga about 2 weeks ago on Japanator.Was and absolutely brilliant read and I finsihed it in one go.Its kinda sad that quite a few people will be turned off by the Jerking Off in a womens bathroom theme.

    Were you keeping track of the distance you shot aswell?
    Can I be your retarded Afro wearing buddy then?That way I could snatch one of Baka Raptors girls

  12. Praz says:

    Baka Raptor once jerked off into a small fishbowl. The result became known as the Pacific Ocean.

  13. Laguna Loire says:

    Man, you MUST to watch this then ============> Midori no Hibi

    “High school delinquent Seiji Sawamura is desperate to have a girlfriend, especially after being rejected by 20 girls as of late. He’s afraid that he will end his life with his right hand as his only companion. Apparently, that doesn’t change when one day when he wakes up and discovers that his right hand has become a girl named Midori Kasugano, who confesses that she has had a crush on him for the last three years” (Source: ANN)

  14. Shiro, Long Tail's says:

    Fap Note had me cracking up more than any other published thing I’ve read. Glad you can finally relate to someone. Quick someone photoshop a strawberry sundae into Kurosawa’s hand!

  15. OBALLER says:

    id say i have sex with a random girl once every week maybe 2 weeks… however… i still beat it every day… i believe i will read this story for him being one of the most relatable characters ever

  16. thekungfukid says:

    So i had to finally break down and read it. Im at chapter 12 now and holy crap, its really good. I’ve never really checked out the indie manga scene but this was a nice surprise. Does any body know if the creator(s?) have any other stuff out?

    Oh and Kitahara’s an idiot. She said she wanted to be Hong Man Choi in her class introduction so its only inevitable that she get picked on. she should have said she was Fedor Emelianenko

  17. moridin84 says:

    I’d say TMI but it would be pretty unreasonable to say considering what the manga is about.

    @Laguna Loire: I read some of that ages ago, that doesn’t seem anything like this story at all. Other then the obvious ‘right hand’ reference.

  18. qwert says:

    Holy hell. I read this blog post and just passed it off as Baka-Raptor being funny. Then I actually read this manga. It is actually amazing. Weirdest title ever, and looks creepy, but after a dozen chapters I was hooked. It’s damn interesting. Fantastic character development.

  19. Laguna Loire says:

    @moridin84, baka-raptor: i was reluctant to watch midori no hibi at first solely by the “crappy theme”, i mean, what the fuck a girl is doing as a male right hand ? But it turned out to be a fresh comedy-romance instead.

    At first when i saw the post i thought again WTF ! I mean, a manga about “masturbation” ? Although i am a man, and i do it from time to time when i cannot catch a girl myself, there’s no way i can relate it to me, as i never was a public raper in the first place!

    By the way, midori no hibi is just a suggestion. As they both share a “WTF” theme and how i was wrong about midori’s, so , probably, onani master kurosawa must be good in some way too.

  20. Baka-Raptor says:

    @ghostlightning & animekritik: Go lefty.

    @lelangir: Is that an accidental typo or one of those internet meme typos? I can’t tell anymore.

    @Snark: He’s like Superman without a cape.

    @digitalboy: Sorry for preempting you. I originally had this review a bit further down the queue, but so many OMK posts were coming out that I had to move it up.

    @Eroshiyda: It’s surprisingly good for a manga with non-lesbian sexual themes.

    @Glo the Legend: Finished reading it yet?

    @schneider: No, everything goes down the drain. I leave not a single drop of evidence.

    @lolikitsune: It’s SAT-level vocabulary.

    @Omisyth: Are you suggesting that Sasuke would jerk off in the women’s room? Yeah, I could see it.

    @Kyoin: M-O + Kurosawa: a deadly combination. Kurosawa beats off, M-O cleans up the evidence.

    @Blowfish: I never kept track of distance; I was all about aim. lolikit was unofficially annoited my afro buddy, which means I’m free to officially blow him off and hand the position to you. Ask, and ye shall receive.

    @Praz: It almost collapsed into a super dense vortex of nutsquatron.

    @Laguna: I saw Midori no Hibi a few years back. It’s one of many ++ shows I always forget to talk about. This is why I made that resolution about making references to more anime…

    @Shiro: Technically, I only relate to him along the dimensions of hating people and jerking off in the ladies room. But yes, it’s always nice to find someone with the same interests.

    @OBALLER: id say i have sex with a random girl once every week maybe 2 weeks…if i did.

    @thekungfukid: In return for your good joke, I tracked down the author: Ise Katsura. He’s currently working on something about maids.

    @moridin84: If anything, I didn’t provide enough information…

    @qwert: You learned a valuable lesson: always take my recommendations seriously.

  21. thekungfukid says:

    Damn he’s working on a novel? I hope he does some more manga soon. oh and i finished it yesterday. best manga i’ve read all year. I’m late to the party but it’ll get a blog post. im sure my readers will love it……. both of them.

  22. sadakups says:

    Just as fapped.

    Let us continue spreading it. The word about how awesome this manga is, I mean.

  23. Rakuen says:

    And then I started to open a couple of pron sites because that raptor inspired me. I cried manly tears and juices.

    Good call. I need be enlightened some more.

  24. Shin says:

    K-ON’s more likely to get a second season than this masterpiece getting an anime. Think about that for a second.

  25. Doriinatrix says:

    It’s manga like this that make me wish I were a boy

  26. @ oballer:

    “I have sex with a random girl once every week maybe 2 weeks”

    BLATANT AND UTTER FABRICATION. The last time you had sex with a girl was last summer with someone who is now a director at my camp. And if this is incorrect, I ask you, “who have you had sex with?” Of course, this is more recent than my last sex-bang. I have been utilizing self gratification more than anything else. Depressing.

    @ Baka-Raptor: Not yet but I have it written on my things to do list.

  27. Yi says:

    Loll. Now I have to read this and try jerking in the women’s restroom as well.

  28. […] Onani Mas­ter Baka-Raptor […]

  29. […] in class by jerking off on their shit. This is what I thought when I learned about if from reading some random site that I’ve never heard of, but seemingly always seem to read and take advice f… But actually, Onani Master Kurosawa is more than just cum and revenge (not that it needs to be). In […]

  30. […] confessional of a real-life onani master from the anime blogging community (Baka-Raptor […]

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