You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

No. Not again. I refuse to accept this. Why must all the tough guys in anime get stalked by little girls to show they have a caring side? Who’s next, Golgo 13? If I were in charge of writing the new FMA series, Scar’s encounter with May Chang would go something like this:

To think the episode got off to such a great start with Scar’s mutilation of Mr. Monopoly.

“Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.”

Later in the episode, Scar was seen crushing a pair of walnuts.

Coincidence, or metaphor for Scar’s emasculation?

What’s with all these people and their feelings?

Why does every anime try to be a touching story about the power of love? Too many shows these days are being character-driven at times they should be event-driven.

1. Pandora Hearts

This show would be amazing if it weren’t so gay. The plot is brilliant. The soundtrack is by Yuki Kajiura. The animation is so-so, but given the multitude of gay shots, I don’t mind. This show could easily be Top 20 material if they’d run with the plot instead of spending half of each episode talking about their apprehensions/regrets/uncertainties/something to protect.

2. Valkyria Chronicles

How many Darcsens-are-people-too episodes do we really need? That time would be much better spent on a Training with Selvaria episode.

And why does Welkin like Alicia? Welkin was supposed to be asexual. I’ve never been more disappointed to find out a guy was straight.

3. Aoi Hana

You’d think I’d like this show because it’s about lesbians. Unfortunately, instead of groping each other, all they ever do is talk and cry. It’s almost as if this is a lesbian show for girls, if that’s even possible. I can’t even comprehend the way they cry. This comes as no surprise since I’ve never cried in my life, but still, I was under the impression that someone would realize she’s crying before:

  • somebody else points it out
  • she touches her face to discover the tears, because her face is incapable of discerning wetness

At least it’s better than Maria+Holic.

4. Cross Game

As Touch is one of my all-time favorite anime, Cross Game, one of its spiritual successors, has my permission to be character-driven. But there’s a limit. Why does every character other than Kou and Aoba have emotional clairvoyance? Why are the little girl, tough guy, and stoic guy regularly dishing out emotionally insightful comments with impeccable timing? That makes it kind of hard to buy that they’re a little girl, a tough guy, and a stoic guy.

In conclusion, I’m sick of currently airing anime (except Umineko) and will now start watching Gantz.