Yuri is a lot like Mecha

(From Maddox’s Comic)

Last season I was watching this lesbian show called Aoi Hana. It started off pretty slow, but approximately halfway into the series, one of the girls got dumped. Perfect. All the slow-moving drama would pay off tenfold if that goody two-shoes lesbian kid were to transform into a rancorous and psychotic distortion of her former self.

An episode passed. All she did was cry.

Okay…first the crying…THEN the rage.

A few more episodes passed. More crying.

Get with the rage already!

The series ended without her turning evil. What the hell? When lesbians get dumped, they get murderous. It’s the third law of lesbodynamics.

(From the fanbook Ashura-hime by Anegoya)

Then I remembered a wise quote from a wise man:

Just like you have real robots and super robots in the mecha genre, you have real lesbians and super lesbians in the yuri genre.

It made perfect sense. Most of the anime lesbians I’ve seen are super lesbians. Their powers include:

Rape

Murder

Instant Seduction of “Heterosexual” Women

Real lesbians don’t rape. As any feminist will tell you, “rape is about violence, not about sex.” Rape only exists because men want to oppress women and propagate the vast patriarchal conspiracy. Therefore, lesbians can’t rape. Instead of turning psycho, they turn emo. If you think that’s boring, in one episode of Aoi Hana, what’s-her-face cuts class to visit a museum. No wonder she got dumped.

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61 people love sucking up to me

  1. dood says:

    Talking about lesbians show how is Sasameki Koto ?
    which I hear its last episode featured a beach episode.

    What series do include “super lesbians” ?

  2. schneider says:

    So, do super lesbians gattai, too? ohwait-

  3. Snark says:

    Breastfire.

    That is all.

  4. Netto says:

    Please. I don’t want the image of Mecha with extremely huge boobs that shoots acid out of them. No, please!

  5. Canne says:

    I’d like to see lesbian turning murderous, too. It’d be fun 🙂

  6. Kabitzin says:

    They also make awesome funny faces of rage.

  7. Remind me again, was Yomi from Ga-Rei a lesbian? If anything, I think she channeled her rage just right. She did have a fiancee and all, but we all know that wasn’t her true nature.

  8. Hmmm, so ‘real’ lesbians will be found in many military shows… there might be one this winter.

  9. digitalboy says:

    This is the greatest post ever. I am officially grading everything as ‘real lesbian’ vs. ‘super lesbian’

  10. FaS says:

    lol, honestly I was grinning during the entire post. Just too funny. I guess you’re right though. It seems like lesbians in the media has to be balls-out-super-sexualized…and of course we fall for it. I guess it’s only natural :p

  11. kluxorious says:

    There are reasons why I don’t watch yuri and you pretty much wrapped it all up in an entry.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Come on, not all yuri is about crybaby museum-visiting lesbians. Sometimes they go clothes shopping. Other times they drink tea together.

      …yeah, girls are really boring when they’re not killing each other.

      • animekritik says:

        I don’t want to get all psychological here, but I think that last sentence speaks volumes of absolute truth…and what’s amazing is, women know it. That’s why they fight, to keep everyone interested.

  12. Skaene says:

    I haven’t watched Aoi Hana yet, but after reading this post, I will as soon as possible.
    I love Super Lesbians, they literally kick ass(and I think that Shizuru is the Ultimate Super Lesbian, actually… couldn’t find one better than her), but it’s interesting to watch a “normal” one having normal reactions, and I guess that’s easier for a girl which got no supernatural powers to relate to her… if you get dumped and you got no cool weapons to unleash your murderous Psycho Lesbian’s tendencies, what else could you do but crying/getting depressed?

    Just kidding…
    Actually I find that interesting mostly because it’s refreshing to see that lesbians are now depicted more like normal people, without necessairly having that “Terminator mode” button, which is really cool, but why they always have to turn evil? It was becoming so predictable that was almost boring.

    Ah, and also, after a quick google search, I found that lesbian rape actually does exist (notice that the first page of the search was only about porn).

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      I’ll admit it’s quite refreshing, but murder is a lot more exciting than crying. I’d say the optimal ratio of super lesbian to real lesbian consumption is about 3:1.

      Ah, and also, after a quick google search, I found that lesbian rape actually does exist (notice that the first page of the search was only about porn).

      So you’re saying that feminists are wrong about something?!?! What gall!

      • Skaene says:

        It’s Google that says so, even feminists cannot disagree with the maximum authority of the web search engines!

        And, anyway, feminists know that they do exist, but they just pretend that it’s not the truth, because they cannot accept the fact that a woman might enjoy to violate someone’s body.
        Probably they enjoy the “mental” part of the rape, more than the “physical” one, which implies that most of them (or maybe all) got serious mental disorders. The difference with anime is just that they make lesbian rape look more like a “normal” man-woman rape, which looks far less creepy for some reasons.

  13. Glo says:

    Characters turning murderous is good for any character type, lesbians, heros…..fuck, if the girls in K-On suddenly started killing everyone, that show would have kicked ass.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      I’m absolutely certain that K-ON would’ve screwed it up. They already had a lesbian, Mugi, except she was only a lesbian for one episode. Any show that focuses more on a girl’s eyebrows than her lesbianism is garbage.

      • Glo says:

        K-On fucked up a lot of characters like that. Mugi was a lesbian for ONE episode. Sawako was a cool skitso for ONE episode…yet they had TWO beach episodes. What’s with that?

        They could’ve actually made the show decent if they wanted to. I could’ve made it a good show. I almost want to make a post about howI would’ve written the show, but I’m far too lazy and have finals this week, so that’s not going to happen.

        • Zeke says:

          I dunno which one episode you guys are talking about, but Mugi is at the very least a massive lesbian FANGIRL. She wears her yuri goggles tighter than all of /u/ put together. I have a feeling the Kotobuki clan would be scandalized if they knew what went on in her head. Azusa is also noteworthy for the “well, if it’s you…” vibe she’s got going with both Mio and Yui.

          Sawako, on the other hand, is just disturbing. She’s funny and all but she should really be in jail. Kinda like Kimura from AzuDai.

  14. Rakuen says:

    Super Lesbians you say…

    Now if only my Beato was one she’d be super.

  15. Shance says:

    Surely you realize that by categorizing yuri characters, you must label an archetype for each type of yuri character: Who’s the Real Lesbian archetype? Who’s the Super Lesbian archetype?

    Answer this, and realization on how mecha and yuri are related will be achieved.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Shizuru Fujino is the Super Lesbian archetype. She’s like the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann of Super Lesbians.

      Fumi Manjoume is the Real Lesbian archetype. She’s like the Gundam* of Real Lesbians.

      *Name you own Gundam model. The only Gundam series I’ve seen was Gundam 0083 about seven years ago, and I don’t remember what any of their robots were called.

  16. Shin says:

    This probably explains why I dislike both. So the next time anyone asks me why I dislike yuri, I’m going to tell them it’s because it’s a lot like mecha and vice versa.

  17. Epi says:

    LOL awesome post, I love it.

    I also love how you quoted yourself 😉

    Personally I prefer super lesbians myself. The best thing about Strawberry Panic was the fine balance achieved between Super and Real lesbians, both of which were in the show.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      When you have a lesbian cast as large as Strawberry Panic’s, the law of large numbers kicks in. It’s only a matter of time before either a super lesbian or a real lesbian shows up.

  18. Yi says:

    Seriously, there needs to be more yuri rapes everywhere!
    Shizuru is the most awesome and hottest lesbian ever.

  19. keikakudoori says:

    Robots + raging lesbian = Code Geass
    First the crying THEN the rage.

    I’m unsure where exactly Nina Einstein would be classified. I doubt she’d be a super lesbian though but she did have some super ideas to blow people up. Hell, she was even praised.

    ‘Real lesbians don’t rape.’
    Nina x table? Certainly, that wasn’t consensual. Sadly, that was as far as she ever got with Euphemia, otherwise I’d have additional reasons to applaud that show for. And there’s an actual great idea for the next sequel.

  20. This has nothing to do with your post, but I just thought I’d inform you that the search term ‘Baka-Raptor BL’ remains one of the search terms that shows up in my top twenty list. Figured you’d like to know.

  21. Kyoin says:

    Lesbians are awesome.

  22. Dan says:

    Real lesbians don’t rape?
    http://www.rmdglobal.net/she-stole-my-voice/
    http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1483550/4_ways_to_help_a_lesbian_rape_victim.html?cat=72
    That took all of five seconds on Google. If I spent a whole minute I could probably find you the statistics. And that’s only reported incidents! Jee-ZUS, next thing you’ll be saying hetero women never rape men either…

    Porn’s a fine thing (and make no mistake, you’re watching lesbian anime because it sexually arouses you), but you can’t let it warp your sense of reality.

    Oh, and stop copying Maddox, that guy sucks. You don’t want to be a Maddox clone anyway – find your own voice.

  23. angela says:

    Personally I prefer super lesbians myself. The best thing about Strawberry Panic was the fine balance achieved between Super and Real lesbians, both of which were in the show.

  24. emo lesbians says:

    don’t you think that alternative lesbians are influenced also by anime?

  25. DoctorBaronvonEvilSatan says:

    What would a deconstruction of super lesbians look like?

  26. […] Hana once inspired me to draw a distinction between real lesbians and super lesbians, mainly because the “lesbians” in Aoi Hana were constantly crying instead of groping […]

  27. SuperZombieGodKaiser says:

    If there’s such a thing as Super Lesbians, then I suppose their must be such things as Super Bisexuals, Gay men, and heteros as well. What would be the powers for those I wonder.

  28. Murakami kai says:

    Super lesbians are the worst kind. They kill my respect for lesbians when so many lesbotards prefer these retarded messes over realistic ones. MAY AS WELL SAY I LOVE HAVING MY DICK CUT OFF BY MY LESBIAN NEIGHBOR FOR BEING BORN MALE!

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