Yuri is a lot like Mecha

(From Maddox’s Comic)

Last season I was watching this lesbian show called Aoi Hana. It started off pretty slow, but approximately halfway into the series, one of the girls got dumped. Perfect. All the slow-moving drama would pay off tenfold if that goody two-shoes lesbian kid were to transform into a rancorous and psychotic distortion of her former self.

An episode passed. All she did was cry.

Okay…first the crying…THEN the rage.

A few more episodes passed. More crying.

Get with the rage already!

The series ended without her turning evil. What the hell? When lesbians get dumped, they get murderous. It’s the third law of lesbodynamics.

(From the fanbook Ashura-hime by Anegoya)

Then I remembered a wise quote from a wise man:

Just like you have real robots and super robots in the mecha genre, you have real lesbians and super lesbians in the yuri genre.

It made perfect sense. Most of the anime lesbians I’ve seen are super lesbians. Their powers include:

Rape

Murder

Instant Seduction of “Heterosexual” Women

Real lesbians don’t rape. As any feminist will tell you, “rape is about violence, not about sex.” Rape only exists because men want to oppress women and propagate the vast patriarchal conspiracy. Therefore, lesbians can’t rape. Instead of turning psycho, they turn emo. If you think that’s boring, in one episode of Aoi Hana, what’s-her-face cuts class to visit a museum. No wonder she got dumped.