Sea Slugs! Anime Blog is the Worst! Blog Ever

I’ve walked by Italian Village Pizza so many times and yet never tried it.  Is it really that orgasmically good?Kabitzin

Res ipsa loquitur, bitch

Kabitzin’s poor taste isn’t limited to pizza. What was he thinking when he named his blog? Sea slugs are lame. They lack mantle cavities, and their eyes are able to discern little more than light and dark. Perverts like Kabitzin only like sea slugs because they’re hermaphroditic. That pronoun was intentionally ambiguous.

– Note the girliest handwriting in the universe

Kabitzin has no taste in mascots. He made his mascot the only thing stupider than sea slugs: a girl with sea slugs in her hair. Is my mascot a girl with Baka-Raptor in her hair? No, because that’s stupid. Then he named his mascot Nama-ko—which means sea cucumber, not sea slug—to indicate that Nama-ko is ashamed of her heritage. What’s even sadder is that Kabitzin had to commission practically every image of Nama-ko ever drawn. Never mind that he spends lavishly on art when he can’t even spare $4 for two large slices of pizza and a 16-ounce soft drink. A man who has to pay for his mascot will never have the mascot of the people. You can’t buy love. My two crappy sketches of Nama-ko constitute half of the worldwide body of Nama-ko “fan” art. They’re priceless uncommissioned treasures that Kabitzin will cherish for the rest of his life.

Kabitzin has no taste in co-authors. All of his recent hires suck at everything:

Zyl is a huge pussy who won’t carry out the vague threats he made against me two years ago.

Hellomotto has atrocious grammar.

Jesus159159159 arguably violates the Third Commandment. He also likes K-ON, the worst anime ever.

Halfadeckshort sucks
at haiku and poetry
even more than me

Epi is an anagram for pie.

Kabitzin has no taste in tagging schemes, and he sucks at math. His most common tag is “Random Stuff,” which is so random that it’s probabilistically expected to appear on only 97% of his pages.

No Shiznat tag? Not even a lesbians tag? What sort of weird, sick, strange, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff is this guy into? I tried stalking his Twitter page for answers, only to find out it was “protected.”

Plural possessive adjective? Singular subject? cough*hermaphrodite*cough

Even the rapist and the liar left their Twitter pages publicly open. Kabitzin’s deviance was clearly in a league of its own. An anagram check barely scratched the surface.

  • Ass Glues Anime Blog
  • Asses Lug Anime Blog
  • Ass Gel Us Anime Blog

It’s not so shocking that Kabitzin glues asses, lugs asses, and is “gel us” of asses. What the anagrams don’t reveal is that he admits to forgery, and unlike myself, whose sportsmanship and purity of heart are unquestionable, Kabitzin taunts his opponents. Not cool. I took all this incriminating evidence to a forensic sketch artist and got the following picture:

All the evidence proved beyond a reasonable doubt that Kabitzin is an evil hermaphrodite with no taste and crappy math skills, yet something still felt unsettling. Then I rediscovered this:

Kabitzin was a central figure in the circle jerk that humiliated me two years ago. If only I could get revenge somehow…

On a completely unrelated note, I’ve made it to the Sweet Sixteen in some anime blog circle-jerk popularity contest. I have no idea who I’m up against, but regardless of who it is, I ask only that you look deep inside your soul and vote for the more deserving candidate.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

117 people love sucking up to me

  1. Kabitzin says:

    I ask only that you look deep inside your soul and vote for the more deserving candidate.

    It’s quite humble of you to ask your readers to vote for Sea Slugs!

  2. If by “sucks” you meant
    Totally pwns at, then I
    Completely agree.

  3. Zyl says:

    Well I figured that there was enough Athena-senpai love to go around for everyone. And, besides, arranging *another* asteroid just to get one raptor was a bit of overkill even for me.

  4. mefloraine says:

    Your link to your fanart page is broken.
    This cannot be forgiven.
    I must vote for Sea Slugs!.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      But Sea Slugs isn’t one of the blogs you “obsessively stalk”! It’s not even one of the blogs you “usually like”! Someone’s being tsun tsun…

  5. RP says:

    Aww shit it’s on now

  6. Kairu says:

    Is this some pizza post? Also, dat pizza doesn’t look good to eat.

  7. Canne says:

    I want to see the girl with baka-raptor in her hair!

  8. This was actually funny, which means I might have to actually vote for you now instead of just campaign for you.

  9. karry says:

    Ehh…isnt it about time someone put Baka-raptor in some mental institution ? Honestly, does this guy(?) ever say things that make sense to anyone ?

  10. Applehat says:

    More of the same? Dude, you are slipping.

  11. otou-san says:

    I used to live in Squirrel Hill and I have never heard of this pizza. A little sketchy basing a vote on something like that…

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      How could you miss it? It’s right in between a Chinese Restaurant and a Jeweler!


      View Larger Map

      I’ve tasted all the pizza in Squirrel Hill from 2004-2007. Nothing else came close.

    • Kabitzin says:

      I surprised other people know about Squill. To be honest though, most of the pizza I’ve had there sucks (mostly along Murray Ave.). I like Lucci’s though.

      • Baka-Raptor says:

        Most of the pizza there does suck. I compared them all in one day on an official Squirrel Hill pizza-scouting trip. Details will be shared someday with the “the asexual adventures of baka-raptor” tag.

  12. animekritik says:

    It was pretty obvious you were going to go after Namako, but I must say that with you it’s not the target selection, but the tactical finesse you display in the attack that is truly marvelous. Well done.

  13. kluxorious says:

    That hair was made from the sea slug? What a retard. And if it’s an anime blog, shouldn’t the most popular tag be something that is related to anime, and not just some random stuff? Again, I have to question the credibility of this tourney. Shitty.

  14. Epi says:

    Pizza is a pie, and you say I’m bad? I think you just contradicted yourself buddy… go back to being the one of the worst teams in basketball.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      EPI isn’t an anagram for IVP. (Too bad, only a ‘V’ away.) Slicing your pie wouldn’t even produce a slice of pizza. More of an anime slice. Like Lucky Star. Therefore you’re the kind of pie that sucks.

      Q.E.D.

      • Clinton says:

        i like lucky star and epi so i beat your insult (i don’t know why but 20 min’s of girls talking was entertaining for some reason)

  15. Scamp says:

    I really want pizza now 🙁

  16. Chikorita157 says:

    This one is pretty funny this time around, but you will have a hard battle up ahead….

    I guess I vote for you for the fun of it… The Aniblog Tourney is a popularity contest after all… Isn’t it? :p

  17. Fai D Fluorite says:

    Epi is an anagram for pie.

    You couldnt say anything more isnt it?
    He’s the man!!
    Had u said anything more,SSAB would have spilled with votes for Epi fans!!

  18. Gunstray says:

    The pizza taste like shit, and slugs being nommy is a fact!

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      So you’re saying Nama-ko sucks so much that you’d eat her for the good of mankind. I thought of doing it myself, but I’d rather not eat a girl under 18, and I haven’t seen her ID.

  19. Mystlord says:

    Poor Baka-Raptor. Too stupid to realize that there are 10 topics per page. It’s only ~9.7% of the pages. Who can’t do math now? =]

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Congratulations, you can count. Now you should learn to read. The counter clearly says 235 after the word “Page.” What part of 235 pages doesn’t make sense to you?

  20. You gotta admit, the obsession with asses is just a little creepy. Might explain why the Twitter account is protected.

    For the bonus: name me the best Chicago-style pizza joint around there, unless you don’t consume such delicacies.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      My brother does Chicago-style. I do New York. It’s cheap and divisible. I’ve never seen Chicago-style pizza sold by the slice, and I don’t have any friends to eat a whole pie with.

  21. OBALLER says:

    never tried Italian Village Pizza??? Unforgivable.

    and Sea Slugs are dumb, and thats a dumb mascot. Also, I must stick to my principles:

    1. If you like K-On, you will not get my vote.
    2. If you are going against Baka-Raptor or (the recently eliminated) Glo you will not get my vote.

  22. Hellomotto says:

    1) For the record, on the part where I had THE WORST grammar, I had gotten 3 hours of sleep the previous night and about 15 hours of sleep that week due to exams and SATs. XD

    2) Pie is excellent. So don’t be slappin’ around Epi.

    3) Halfie hath not be / Scolded for his excellent use / Of sacred poems.

    4) I can find better pizza around where I live, all day, any day. Avanti’s, Round Table, Chicago’s, Pizza My Heart, Amici’s–you name it, and it’ll beat that “Italian Hut” stuff any day. (Those pepper seeds do look good though.)

    5) We are willing to dress up as our mascot and go to a convention as a team. But clearly, someone in this room does not and cannot…sucks for him/her/it.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      1) Big deal. I have the bar exam to study for, but you don’t my grammer suffraging.

      2) Did you see that negative image? Pie is clearly evil.

      3) Haiku was never / meant to be single-lined backslashed / Halfie’s a sellout

      4) I scouted those restaurants. None of their mascots are Italian chefs with bushy mustaches riding gondolas. Having no taste in pizza or mascots must run in the Sea Slugs family.

      5) You only dress up for conventions? Conventions are the only time I don’t dress up as Baka-Raptor. You lack dedication.

  23. Salsk says:

    I like sea slugs though, they’re like the little girls with frilly dresses of the ocean.
    But raptors can open doors, so I guess I’ll vote for you.

  24. A concerned child says:

    eww more people who like k-on 😐

  25. Praz says:

    I have no idea what this is about, but I need pizza… NOW…

  26. Sorrow-kun says:

    dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees

    Brilliance. You truly are a king of kings.

  27. Impz says:

    Well, as much as you are funny and all (and I have manly love for you), Sea Slugs actually BLOGS anime for a change. Funny, but not good enough compared to the previous Worst blog ever entries.

    Sea Slugs vote~

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Is “Random Stuff” an anime I’m unfamiliar with?

      Impz, I thought you’d changed. I guess I was wrong. Once a circle jerker, always a circle jerker. I’ll just have to destroy you too.

      • Impz says:

        Lol what? I only jerk to that cute chick who is incidentally my wife.

        OH, you mean that KIND of circle jerking.

        Honestly, i am just tsundere for you and voted 1-1 again (1 vote at home for you, 1 vote at work for SS). I can’t decide whether I like sideburns or green hair more… Sigh.

        Edit: One last thing. If destroying me means you will use those flimsy little hands of yours, bring it on 😛

        Edit2: K-On sucks. It’s manufactured moe.

        Edit 3: Should give your raptor a school uniform look. You will gain 1 supporter in Shin.

  28. Your Posts about the Tourney are getting better each time, can’t wait for the finals ^^

    Your Italian Pizza Picture’s resolution is so big that it doesn’t fit in my laptop screen, maybe Italian Village is so fucking big that it requires a very large HD picture for the record 😉

    Btw, i haven’t found your twitter page to do the daily stalking on my preffered bloggers, do ya’ve one ?

    Now let me vote for you thrice, as a loyal, dedicated and well mannered fan of yours.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      I disapprove of Twitter and all other instrumentalities of gossip. I’ll only join if I find some useful purpose for it. So far I haven’t.

      I’d tell you that voting thrice is wrong, but apparently it’s allowed and approved, as long as you’re voting from different computers with different IP addresses, or something like that. In any case, we shouldn’t have to resort to that. I have a secret weapon in the unlikely case that the voting is still close by the final (fifth) day.

      • If you use it like other bloggers do, like posting useful informations about your posts, nice videos you’d like to share, jokes, pictures, sharing your thoughts and comments about something, then twitter is nice though 😉

        i voted for your five times already (one from my laptop in college’s wifi, one from my phone, one from my lady friend’s home, one from my own home, one from my work) this time around, because seaslugs team have more than one blogger, and this is ultimately not fair, you should be winning by more than 80%, but that is not what is happening…

        one could use this s-e-c-r-e-t-w-e-a-p-o-n that you stated, but i think you should save it for the tough finals.

  29. Outis says:

    I find it kind of hilarious how the Sea Slug fanboys took the usual joke post seriously and are trying to flame.

    On another note, this entire discussion reminded me of that post you made with some other bloggers regarding how Kamina wasn’t Gar. That was my favorite baka-raptor post and it’s not even online anymore :< <- Proof of site going downhill?

    Also, K-on sucks balls.

    Also, go watch Sketchbook Full Color's[sic]. I think I've included this on about every time I posted. I believe this should be superliminal enough. ("YVAN EHT NIOJ" – Subliminal | "HEY YOU! JOIN THE NAVY!" – Superliminal)

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      The Kamina post was one of my favorites as well. Too bad the owner of the site was a deadbeat and couldn’t pay the hosting fees. The site was then taken over by Jews. I doubt he has a backup copy.

  30. Landon says:

    Nama-ko needs one of those gigantic sea rolly-pollys that live at the bottom of the ocean as a magical pet.

    Then, and ONLY then, will I consider voting for her and her little Sea Slugs blog.

  31. First I would like to say thank you for the impressive (AND FREE!!!) Nama-ko fanart, which totally blew 5camp’s out of the water *BA DUM SPLASH*… but there’s something I have to point out:

    Kabitzin has no taste in co-authors.

    Epi is an anagram for pie.

    If Kabitzin has no taste in co-authors, and Epi is Pie, and Pie tastes good… does that mean BAKA-RAPTOR DOES NOT LIKE PIE?!?!? WHAT ABOUT THE THREE STOOGES?!?! YOU MAKE FUN OF MY ANCESTORS FOR THE LAST TIME MISTER BANANA REPUBLIC!!! This is Slug Territory now! *tap tap* MIC CHECK!!!

    *random black-beat starts playing*

    Baka-Raptah is just a Wannabe-Gangstah. He eats Pizza like a Mutant sucking off a HAMSTAH
    Master Splinter makes him limper causin’ so much LAUGHTER. My reference is so Gravy ’cause I be the MASTER
    Actin’ like a Top-Cat but your Fedora is fake, You bought it from China Town for the price of a Cup-Cake
    Which is small, you’re not big, only a big mistake, but you’re so cheap I might give you a Break

    Huh! Like a Kit-Kat, you talk big like you is the Shiznat! But you’s a SHIT SHAT! AND WE’RE THE BIG SNACK!! I’ll take yo pride and whip it like KNICK-KNACK

    KNOCK KNOCK, WHO’S THERE?! Mah DICK IN YO FACE! YOU’RE A DISGRACE, YOU’RE EXTINCT!! You melt like a SNOW FLAKE!
    I’m G-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-E-A-T!!! Tony da Tigah! I spit mad shit and I raise da roof Highah
    They HAIL ME, Call me The Holy Christ! I will HOLY SHIT on ur CURRY RICE!
    I’m mad racist but I’ll still do your Wife! I’ll make yo sight Blurry ’cause I be The Light
    I Break Commandments ’cause it’s ALRIGHT!! You can’t see ’cause I’m OUT-OF-SIGHT!

    I sting like a Bee and I’ll Bring-in-da-Pain, I sniff yo mom’s lip ’cause I’m so INSANE
    My flow is so Tight, you might think I’m Underage! You’re a Female Dog so I’ll put you in a Cage!

    And no, I don’t like k-on: I LOVE K-ON! I FUCK K-ON!! WITHOUT ME THE SHOW CAN’T GO-ON!!!
    …for a third sea-son. We be da Sea Slugs, put some glasses so you can Sea, Son!
    Don’t be a Simple-Ton, like those Simpsons, a Ton of Simples.
    I’m laughing right now with big bright Dimples! (lol that was sorta gay…)

    HATERS GONNA HATE ’cause I love K-ON
    HATERS GONNA HATE ’cause this comments so long!
    Women make a sandwich ’cause Feminists are WRONG!
    You’re like a Lesbian so put on a THONG
    And SUCKS ON MAH DONG!
    It be so LONG like the stick used to bang a GONG!

    Green and Blue Flag ’cause I be so Thug!
    Reppin’ AniTourney for da Super Sea Slugs!

    CHEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLLAH AT CHA BOI!!! I’M OFF DA THAMAH-MITAH!!! *CRICKET CRICKET*… so yea… *gloves off* I did enjoy this post, btw! Let’s continue to watch K-ON and make good episodic posts! 😛 (also, good luck… You’ll need it!)

  32. ~xxx says:

    I’ve already know that K-on was really hated… but hey, I don’t really give a damn in how things should go…unless eat a pie and slap it to Epi…that would be fortunate.

    just strike him(her)(them)a blow(at the back) and they’ll end up wanting to worship you.

    HAHAHAHAH!

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Resort to violence? Me? I’d rather have them worship me through peaceful means.

      • ~xxx says:

        so… you want to hand them down the calm and nice reptilian image of yours?

        Then, why they don’t just give them a ‘Token’ and a gift coupon of your elusive religion to them so that there will be no war and everyone there who was against you Will worship you?

  33. Yi says:

    No ShizNat tag?! Not only that, SS!AB used Natuski and Namako in their post. Any pairing other than ShizNat is blasphemous.

    I feel like I should vote for you just because of yuri.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Same reason I vote for you. We should form an underground organization called the Fraternal Order of Yuri Inquisitors. Nama-ko should be burned at the stake for heresy.

  34. Robert Weizer says:

    Man, baka, you live in PA? You can’t be a suns fan anymore, I’m revoking your permission by the powers vested in me by the State of Arizona. Go watch the stupid-arse Phillies or something. But then again, Philly fans are mostly faggots that boo Santa.

    Permission returned. Have a nice day.

  35. Doriinatrix says:

    I WILL BE VOTING FOR YOU IN THE SHADOWS, MY LIEGE

  36. Michael says:

    I vote Baka-Raptor, all the way.

    He is a *ehem* KIND SOUL WHO GIVES BOOKS TO THE POOR *ehem*

    (Shitty books, though. Like Opal Mehta-kind of shitty.)

  37. digital boy says:

    BR you get my email yet?

  38. Kyoin says:

    I’m not even going to pretend to have read this blog. All I know is that she answered the question about pizza wrong, and thus she fails.

  39. fakoly says:

    “Ass Lube In Mega Logs!”

    Hmm. Mega Logs and Ass Lubes. I think you’re on to something here with your anagrams

  40. Zantetsu says:

    If you have to pay someone to have fan art you’re missing the point of what fan art is, true. Having their cast show up to offer retorts on your blog gives all the more reason for you to get my vote.

  41. […] their asses off. While I’ve been passively watching the votes roll in, the writers for Sea Slugs! Anime Blog have been pulling hair and kicking shins to scrap every last vote they can find. I had no idea this […]

  42. Janette says:

    You’re post are very amusing. Makes me wish I’d gone up against you.

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