A lurking dragon once threatened to invade the Mystic Isle of Circlejerkia. The noble warriors from Avvesione’s Anime Blog, Metanorn, Ambivalence, or is it Ambiguity, and Baka-Raptor were assembled to fight it. This team would forever be known as Group 5.
Avvesione made the first move. He used his love of setting to project a reality marble too serene and emotive for the dragon to have any will to fight. Kyokai, the current boss of Metanorn, summoned Metanorn Hetairoi, calling forth all 23 past and present heroes of Metanorn to launch a full-frontal onslaught against the dragon. While Metanorn challenged the dragon head-on, the cowardly Valence ordered AOIA’s multiple personalities to stealthily observe the dragon in an attempt to find any weaknesses. Baka-Raptor watched idly from above, unwilling to sully his magestic claws on such a hideous beast.
As the battle raged, AOIA was unable to find any weaknesses in the dragon’s thick scales. Metanorn was losing ground, and the reality marble began to crumble. It became increasingly clear that the dragon was invulnerable to physical attacks. There was only one means of defeating it: blogging.
Avvesione kicked off the second wave of attacks by writing a post that was relatively short for his blog. The mighty dragon lost its endurance by the eighth paragraph and opened up a new browser tab to look at porn. Metanorn immediately published a post with flashing images and neon text to send the dragon into an epileptic seizure (and divert bandwidth from the porn). AOIA began to feel sorry for the dragon and tried to cheer it up with emo tales of teenage sexual frustration. The dragon continued to writhe in agony.
The dragon was desperate for a good post and knew Baka-Raptor could deliver. The dragon waited, but Baka-Raptor never updated. The suspense tortured the dragon until it exploded. Circlejerkia was safe from intruders once again.
Ambivalence, or is it Ambiguity? is run by teenagers, which is no surprise, since the title looks like it was lifted straight from an SAT vocab list. If they’d waited one more day, it would’ve been called Bellicose, or is it Belligerent?
Metanorn only exists because Metatron was taken. I wonder what they eat…
Avvesione’s Anime Blog follows the “possessive form of username Anime Blog” format.
Group podcast here.