My script for the next Bleach episode

I think we can all agree that the latest episode of Bleach was tragically uninspiring:






I've been saying that for years

Wow, Rukia calling somebody lame...that's like Ishida calling you white. Nobody is whiter than Ishida.

To give Bleach a much needed boost, I wrote a script that every fan can enjoy:

Scene 1: Aizen summons Orihime to his court in Hueco Mundo

Aizen: Orihime, you must betray your friends and serve under me.

Orihime: Yes Aizen-sama, I will do anything you say!

Aizen: That was easy...

Orihime: You are just too damn irresistible!

Ichimaru Gin: It's true.

Orihime: Oh Aizen-sama, release your zanpakutou! *wink*

Aizen: No, I am not a pedophile.

Scene 2:Chad is lying on the ground semi-conscious after his latest defeat.

Chad: grunt

Subtitle: I can't believe I'm more useless than Rukia.


"Yo soy más inútil que Rukia"

Tite Kubo: Sorry...

Scene 3: Pesche makes white jokes about Ishida's mother as they're running through the corridors of Las Noches.

Pesche: Yo momma's so white, she disappeared in a snowstorm!

Ishida: Please stop picking on me...

Pesche: Yo momma's so white, when she steps outside, the sun says damn!

Ishida: Come on, you're hurting my feelings...

Pesche: Yo momma's so white, she has RGB coordinates of 255, 255, 255!

Ishida: Whatchu say bout my momma?

Ishida kills Pesche. Dondochakka, who is spiritually connected to Pesche, dies too. Bleach fans around the world rejoice.

Scene 4: Hitsuguya and Matsumoto show up for no reason.

Matsumoto: Captain, how would feel about another obligatory fanservice scene in which I comically victimize you with my sexuality?

Hitsuguya: Stop that, I'm geyyyyy.

Matsumoto: Awwww, you're just being shy!

Hitsuguya: No, I'm seriously geyyyyyyyyy.

Matsumoto: Lighten up, you're the most popular Bleach character according to the latest poll!

Hitsuguya: That's because I'm geyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Scene 5: Ichigo punches Kon in the groin. The stomp 'em in the nuts song plays in the background

Rukia: Aren't we supposed to be in Hueco Mundo right now?

Ichigo: No.


14348 Bleach fans think this script should replace Shinigami Cup/Picture Book/whatever they call it these days