Baka-Raptor's Art Critique:
Inflatables Edition


Since the Pittsburgh Roars Giant Inflatable Arts Project was launched, I've hit the streets to find and rate the inflatables on a scale from 0 to 10. This is an accurate unweighted scale, unlike all those bullshit scales that give out 8's for effort.

"Like a Lionfish out of Water"
Score: 5
Pros: Fun shape, vibrant colors

Cons: Won't scare the shit out of anybody


"Houndstoothy the Squirrel"
Score: 1
 What's black and blue and eats nuts?

(Hint: Black and blue camouflaged squirrels don't exist.)




Answer: Artists whose asses I kick for picking shitty color schemes.

"Pittsburgh is the Zombie
Capital of the World"
Score: 10
 HOLY SHIT!

"The Thinker"
Score: 2
 un�o�rig�i�nal
adj.

1. Lacking originality; trite.
2. Ripping off Rodin's "The Thinker".
3. An artist pushing his bullshit environmentalist agenda.


"Bessie"
Score: 8
 o�rig�i�nal
adj.

1. Preceding all others in time; first.
2. Not derived from something else; fresh and unusual.
3. A bipedal cannon shooting tentacles.


"Pittsburgh's Painted Pachyderm"
Score: 6
 This elephant just can't get its shit straight. If Dumbo wasted my paint, I'd cane that bitch. If he screwed up again, I'd cook him.

"GRRR!"
Score: 0
 The rejected entries must've been really crappy to lose to this piece of shit.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


"Monongahela Monster"
Score: 9
 This thing should go on a rampage. It'd be the only cool thing to happen to Monongahela since the Whiskey Rebellion.



Score: 10  0

At first I gave the artist props for paying tribute to The Monster with no Name:

Then I read the title:

Are you shitting me? What part of "The Monster with no Name" didn't this asshole understand? You don't name The Monster with no Name, and you're begging to get your ass kicked if you name it after a shitty left field fence in Fenway Park.

Speaking of Monster, this is at least the fifth time I've mentioned the series on this site. Quit bitching and watch it. While you're at it, check out the original art critic.


3088 dollars were wasted on the construction of GRRR!