I was on my way back from seeing Thank You For Smoking, when I made the mistake of sitting near some obnoxious high school girls on the bus. As usual, I was on Standy By. For those of you who aren't familiar with my system, "Stand By" is a level of consciousness in between "Restricted Napping" and "Resting my Eyes". It's obviously not a good idea to disturb me when I'm on Stand By, but these loudmouth bitches had to learn that the hard way.
How many times do you have to rephrase the same sarcastic bullshit until you realize that it's not clever anymore? Since people are far too stupid tell when a joke is dead, I'll set the official upper bound at three:
The First Comment: Generally acceptable
The Second Comment: Usually sucks
The Third Comment: Always kills the joke
Much of modern economic thought is derived from Utility Theory, which is based on the relative amount of happiness gained from a good or service. Back in high school, I proposed a much more practical theory: Futility Theory. Since everything sucks, it's more feasible to consider the relative measure of how much a good or service pisses me off. As indicated by the graph, marginal futility is a continuous increasing twice differentiable function that approaches infinity by the third retort.
I'm brilliant. Why don't I have a Nobel Prize yet?
5408 sarcastic retorts qualify you for an ass kicking