Condescending Assholes work in "Seattle"

Ghetto and I were at a dorm barbeque at the end of the semester when he ran into one of his classmates. They started up a conversation that wasn't painfully awkward until the topic of summer jobs came up:

Why are you too much of a pussy to admit that you're working at Microsoft? First of all, Microsoft is headquartered in Redmond, not Seattle, so your self-gratifying equivocation is really just a shitty lie. Secondly, what conclusion do you expect people to reach if you have a degree in computer science from CMU and you're working in "Seattle"? Everybody at CMU knows that Microsoft inordinately recruits here:

P(Microsoft Employee) ≈ .00001
P(Microsoft Employee | CMU Computer Science Degree) ≈ 1/3
P(Microsoft Employee | CMU Computer Science Degree, Working in "Seattle") >> 1/3

Read P(X|Y,Z) as "The probability of X given Y and Z"
Read ≈ as "is approximately equal to"
Read >> as "is much greater than"

If people don't like you because of where you're working, that's their problem, not yours. Screw them. When you start lying to prevent others from getting jealous, it's because you think that they have something to be jealous of, which makes you a condescending asshole. If a Broadway actor told you that he was working in New York, would you break his legs? I know I would.

I'm particularly offended by Ghetto's pussyfooting, because he used to be my roommate. He had one whole year to learn how to stop being a pussy, but he had to waste my positive influence by pulling this kind of bullshit at the end of the year. I'm glad that he graduated early. Now I have one less pussy to deal with. Fortunately, my new roommate isn't a condescending asshole:

UPDATE: Ghetto tries to defend himself, and yes, the grammar is accurate.

Excellent point. Now nobody will believe that line in the comic where you assumed that the other guy was working at Starbucks. By the way, when you come up with an explanation for why you said "Seattle" instead of Microsoft, which was the whole point of this article, I'll be glad to post it.

3847 headbutt jokes have been made about Ghetto since the 2006 World Cup