Impossible as it may seem, the new Yahoo page managed to outdo its predecessor in terms of absolute shittiness:
Now I'll cover all the ads (black), features I don't use (red), and features I've occassionally used since singing up for a free email account circa 1998 (blue):
There you have it – color coded proof that Yahoo sucks. I've let it slide for years because I'm too lazy to go to different websites for weather and mail, but their new "featured" centerpiece is such bullshit that I've switched to a Google personalized homepage.
I was so bored that I actually watched the "Four-year-old takes the wheel" clip. It's just about some stupid Indian kid learning how to drive from his irresponsible father, which isn't even newsworthy, because everybody in India drives like a four-year-old. By the way, the "Featured" section is the same place I found the story about the lemonade-selling douchebag.
Who cares that Israel and Lebanon are at war? I only care about important things, like why Michelle Wie fired her caddie. That reminds me, Michelle Wie sucks. She keeps trying out for PGA events, and big surprise – she keeps on losing. What a loser. At least she has nothing left to prove on the LPGA circuit – oh wait, she still hasn't won a tournament, but I'm sure that's just her ex-caddie's fault. Wie probably won't suck forever, but before trying to prove that she's good enough for the PGA, she should at least prove that she can win against other women. Annika Sorenstam climbed her way to the top and won dozens of titles before playing in a PGA event. I might even be one of her fans if she weren't such a marketing whore.
I still haven't forgotten the crappy promotion that Sorenstam did for KFC a few years ago. In the commercial she's choosing golf clubs when celebrity fatass Jason Alexander waddles up to her and says "Play it safe or take a risk! You played with both the women and the men. Now choose between original and crispy chicken wings!". I don't know what was more nauseating: the horrendous transition between golf and chicken wings or Sorenstam's shameless decision to make money off a certificate of participation. If I were a woman who lost as miserably against the men as Annika did, I wouldn't go on TV proclaiming that it's some sort of feat. It sends the wrong message to little girls: You don't have to work hard, since you could suck and still exploit your ovaries for money and attention.
Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you're not a loser. Take note, Danica Patrick.
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