Hey, look at me, I’m Mr. Perfect. I never lose sight of what’s truly important in life and always believe in the goodness of the human heart, no matter how unfounded or irrational it may seem to the objective bystander. I’m so comfortable with who I am that my ludicrously flamboyant wardrobe doesn’t make me [...]

Just how boring is K-ON? Let’s put it this way: I paused episode 10 to rewatch an episode of Akikan. Akikan: Crappy animation, original jokes K-ON: Uncrappy animation, unoriginal jokes Winner: Akikan The jokes in K-ON are so stale that I’m forced to make up my own jokes to survive each episode. See 1:39-1:45 I’m [...]

Crystalis was the best RPG for the NES. Zelda sucked. Final Fantasy sucked. Then came Crystalis—a game so brilliant, so captivating, so devoid of pedophilia that it would surely take the gaming world by storm. Unfortunately, it came out so late in the life of the NES (1990) that it got lost amongst shitty games [...]

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After watching two episodes, I was ready to shelve Eden of the East for a marathon. It wasn’t bad, but aside from the animation quality, it didn’t strike me as anything promising. Memory loss. Biblical allusions. Male nudity. None of these turn me on. I shall address each in turn: 1. Male Nudity Everyone seems [...]

Ayatsuri Sakon follows the crime-fighting adventures of Sakon, a bunraku puppeteer, and Ukon, Sakon’s wise-cracking puppet. Think of them as the Japanese Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat. When Sakon’s deductive powers combine with Ukon’s moxy, the two have an uncanny knack for solving murder mysteries once half the suspects are already dead. How do they [...]

I shall start with a base score of zero. Every time I see something I like, I’ll add a point. Every time I see something I don’t like, I’ll subtract a point. Score (S) Meaning S > 5 Love it 5 >= S >= 2 Like it 2 > S > -2 Indifferent -2 >= [...]

Queen’s Blade has been taking a lot of shit from even the most perverted anime bloggers. This ends now. I typically don’t care for fanservice anime. If you want porn, there’s almost definitely something better If you want a story, there’s almost definitely something better Thus, as a practical matter, I’ll only endorse a fanservice [...]

The most heterosexual picture on my hard drive Despite my unwavering support of lesbianism in anime, I do occasionally approve of heterosexual relationships. The conditions are tough but fair: The male cannot be a complete loser The female cannot be a complete bitch Generally, both characters must be at least 18 years old If they’re [...]

Candy Boy is the most misleading title I’ve seen since Bible Black. Any of the following titles would’ve been more fitting: Candy Girl Candy Lesbian Candy Candy, Boy! EF – A Tale of Lesbians Candy Boy has only four characters: the lesbian twins, their lesbian stalker, and their little sister, who also happens to be a [...]

(This is a remake of Robots Don’t Have Feelings)

This is by no means an endorsement of Akikan. It is a simple observation that many of the shows I’m currently watching are worse. First, a quick unbiased review of Akikan: Three things that rock: A suprising dose of original humor Mamiko Noto A hardcore lesbian Three things that suck: Lame premise Lousy animation A [...]

Berserk + a real ending Claymore – Raki Mouryou no Hako + subtitles Soul Eater – everyone except Stein and Medusa Kibure + an appearance in episode 14 Miniami-ke – all the non-Hosaka scenes Gankutsuou – the ambiguously gay ending Higurashi – the noise complaint I got for blasting the intro theme at 4AM Maddox [...]

One more year until this picture fits the occasion Thus concludes: Three years of Baka-Raptor.com One year of selling out to WordPress Two years and eight months of my website going downhill I could take this opportunity to glorify myself, but I’ll let you handle that in the comments. Instead, I’m going to pimp three [...]

1. Punchline Overkill Holy shit, it’s like I’m watching Lucky Star all over again. Cut the bullshit punchline reinforcement and move on. Even Kanako’s lesbian observations are getting on my nerves. REALLY?!?! Perhaps some viewers have difficulty picking up lesbian innuendo. Not me. My lesbian mangekyou sharingan identifies lesbian innuendo 100x faster than Kanako and [...]

Good evening. I am Kenshiro, ass-kicking practitioner extraordinaire. Having fought countless villains throughout my travels, I’ve learned that nobody is truly evil, for we all have love in our hearts. Shin So he kidnapped my girlfriend. That can only tell me one thing: he has great taste in women. Nobody who loves Yuria could possibly [...]

I don’t care about style. Whether characters look pointy or retarded doesn’t matter to me as long as I get a good story. What I do find annoying is when unconventional style becomes the focal point of the anime. Style should never take precedence over substance. Fooly Cooly: Yawn Lucky Star: Stupid Kaiba: Bullshit Do [...]

Given the recent inauguration of America’s first black president and, more importantly, the release of the first episode of Hetalia Axis Powers, the times call for a critical examination of race in anime. Japanese People Madarame is one of about five anime characters who actually look Japanese. The rest all look white. Even Pesche admits [...]

I picked up several shows from Fall 2008, but I’m only giving midterm grades for these five. You know why? Because most of them were too damn short. One season = 26 episodes. Let me reiterate: 1 Season = 26 Episodes I’m generous enough to give out midterm grades for series with 24 or 25 [...]

Tytania 10: Discount Space Pornography Fan Hyulick picks up a prostitute as soon as he lands on planet Barghash (and you thought I was joking about Tytania being Space Pornography). The prostitute says she’ll give him a discount because he’s sexy. Here’s a little advice: they all say that (you don’t know her going rate, [...]

1. Real Pocky Product placement isn’t funny, unlike Trademark infringement. Two girls in swimsuits are trapped in a closet and all I can think about is trademark infringement. Why? Because I’m not a pedophile. Speaking of lesbians and pocky… 2. Not Enough Lesbian Pocky Scenes Speaking of lesbians… 3. No Lesbian Scene between the Director [...]

1. Anime News Network says there are 24 episodes Anime News Network is a reputable, trustworthy source of information. There’s no way they’d get this wrong. 2. The phrase “Detroit Metal City is over” at the end of episode 12 refers to the episode being over, not the series 3. Not every character got a [...]

The day after Christmas is a magical time when people flock to stores to return all the crappy gifts they’ve received. Certain anime personalities would like to make returns as well… Lelouch: Hello, I’d like to return this stupid-looking hat. Baka-Raptor: Do you have a receipt? Lelouch: No Baka-Raptor: No receipt, no return. Lelouch: Take [...]

Animals are only good for three things: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They used to be good for manual labor, but nowadays there’s nothing an animal can do that a machine can’t do better, faster, cheaper, and without shitting all over the place. Why does anime portray animals as cute and lovable? They’re stupid and self-indulgent. [...]

Princess Lydia Princess Lydia From Elbing Kingdom I’m looking for him I’m going to Tytania [vid]hFPt5NuuzuM[/vid] This episode is basically about Moé Princess running away from her guardian, but instead of getting scolded, everyone gives her ice cream. Now I want to be a princess. How childish! How childish! Moé Princess, have you been taking [...]

There was a time when baseball wasn’t boring. It was when I was eight years old and didn’t know any better. I was so ignorant about the true nature of baseball that I was a Yankees fan. Words cannot convey how ashamed I am. The only thing I can say in my defense is that [...]

1. A Natsuki look-alike named Natsuki 2. Fire-Breathing Dinosaurs 3. Evil Lesbians 4. Mr. Iron 5. In Medias Res In medias res, also medias in res (Latin for “into the middle of things”), is a literary and artistic technique where the narrative starts in the middle of the story instead of from its beginning. – Wikipedia [...]

Get over to OH and watch it. Notes: The video is based off Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture and Code Geass R2 It took approximately 8 hours to make (2AM-10AM) Windows Movie Maker crashed three times Lip-synching is a pain in the ass, and I’m never doing it again In other news, Clannad just got 1000000x [...]

When I first watched Full Metal Alchemist, Roy Mustang’s “sexiness” cracked me up. If you haven’t seen the show, here’s the gag: all the ladies would fall head over heels for him even though he looks generic enough to be a harem lead. Then I found out that many girls in real life actually think [...]

Anyone who calls Tytania a “Space Opera” obviously hates the show. Nobody wants to watch a space opera. Opera is about fat women cosplaying as vikings, which contributes nothing to society, unlike pornography. Pornography relieves people’s sexual tension so that in real life they can act without thinking sex-first. This enables them to look past [...]