After waking up from a dream about destroying Springfield Elementary School Kyoto Animation, Bart Baka-Raptor joins Lisa [your name here] warpshadow, halfadeckshort, and Alejo at the breakfast table, where they excitedly discuss spending the summer at Kamp Krusty Umineko no Naku Koro ni, a summer camp run by Krusty the Clown Studio DEEN.
A week later, [...]

I was in the middle of beating Crystalis blindfolded when all of a sudden I was mysteriously teleported away from my computer. I took off my blindfold to see Haruhi prancing around, exclaiming she was thrilled to meet a dinosaur. I lazily autographed her face and began to make my way out. Upset that I [...]

To propagate/leech off the continuous and systemic brilliance that is the KSK Football/Sex Advice Mailbag, I am now introducing the Baka-Raptor Anime/Life Advice Mailbag. Why not an Anime/Sex mailbag? I don’t expect any of you to have sex lives (and if you do, I probably wouldn’t want to hear about it). Here are the rules:

All [...]

I went to a Penguins game when they still sucked. Therefore I am not a bandwagon fan. (They actually won that game. I guess being a winner is contagious.)
Crosby may be a pussy, but so is Eli.
Dojikko goaltender Ippatsu KikimusuMarc-Andre Fleury managed to stay upright for more than five seconds.

In other news, I’m going to [...]

I want to enter into a loving, committed relationship with this young lady.
I know you’ve been burning to draw me fanart. Yet only a handful of my readership has done it. It’s understandable. People have a hard time approaching such a gallant, intimidating figure as myself.1 Hence, I have no choice but to make the [...]

Best Episodic Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Editorial Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Team Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Manga Blog
Baka-Raptor

Most Influential Blog
Baka-Raptor

Rookie of the Year
Baka-Raptor

Funniest Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Satire Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Seiyuu-Oriented Blog
Baka-Raptor

Most Thought-Provoking Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Blog-Related Comic
Baka-Raptor

Best Figurine Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Art/Doujin/Visual Novel Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best News Blog
Baka-Raptor

The Swooping Descent of the Dark Emissary! The Propagation of Malice
Baka-Raptor

Most Pornographic Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Web Design
Baka-Raptor

Best Recurring Jokes
Baka-Raptor

Best Lesbian Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best Podcast
Baka-Raptor

Best Artwork
Baka-Raptor

Best Filler
Baka-Raptor

Best Background Music
Baka-Raptor

Most Consistent Blog
Baka-Raptor

Best [...]

I’d originally planned to chronicle a trip to California, but I was unable to land a summer job there…

So this summer I’ll be working in New York. No big loss, though it does set back my conservatively adventurous goal of living in every geographic region of the United States as defined by the NFL:

East: New [...]

Last night I was trying to print some notes for an open-book final when my printer unexpectedly started beeping at me. It refused to print my black & white notes because its color ink cartridges were supposedly empty. This confused me for several reasons:

Why am I out of color ink? I never print anything in [...]

Princess Lydia

Princess Lydia

From Elbing Kingdom

I’m looking for him

I’m going to Tytania
[vid]hFPt5NuuzuM[/vid]
This episode is basically about Moé Princess running away from her guardian, but instead of getting scolded, everyone gives her ice cream. Now I want to be a princess.

How childish!

How childish!
Moé Princess, have you been taking fasion advice from Natsuki?

Tytania’s attempt at moé is the [...]

Financial Bailouts

Even Krauser looks chaste compared to the fiendish Secretary Paulson. 700 billion dollars for bailouts = 700 billion rapes per second.
SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
DEAR AMERICAN:
I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.
I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC [...]

John McCain: Sellout

I wish I could sell out as pitifully as John McCain. In the 2000 Republican primary, George W. Bush raped McCain ten times per second with every dirty trick in the book. Now McCain slurps Bush’s miniscule neocon dick whenever the evangelical base questions his “conservatism.”
Sarah Palin: Bitch

First she lied about supporting the [...]

Yeah, this is another blatant filler post. Deal with it.
Professor Randy Pausch died on July 25, 2008 of pancreatic cancer. For those of you who don’t know why he’s worth an entire filler post, check my sidebar. Yeah, I know it’s shocking, but some of you don’t visit my homepage anymore now that I have [...]

Some of you thought I wouldn’t notice/care if you handed in your forms late. Not a chance.
“Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.” – Michaelangelo

In order to uphold the righteous order of this website, 10 points will be taken off for every day late – no exceptions.
Ina:

Best color scheme ever. A+ [...]

2.5 years in existence
135 days since selling out (2/29/08, so I won’t have to celebrate it next year)
0 pre-sellout page rank
1 post-sellout page rank (still 0 by my original page rank checker)
40,000 pre-sellout hits
20,000 post-sellout hits
64 pre-sellout e-mails
63 post-sellout mail-mails
0 pre-sellout comments
1,000 post-sellout comments
258 spam comments (excluding lolikit)
212 comments from the top commenter (me)
65 comments [...]

DEADLINE: July 14
That’s right, I’m going to Otakon. Unlike all these hick conventions I’ve been attending, I actually expect to see people at Otakon. To keep the sucking-up process efficient, I’ll be assigning suck-up privileges based on your responses to the above form. The most impressive submissions get priority suck-up privileges. Feel free to edit [...]

Shinji runs away.

Then he comes back.

Final Thoughts:

Shinji comes back
after running away
This episode was filler
Not much to say

It’s all over. I’ve officially lost. My life sucks. Now I must fulfill my promise and jump off The Bridge of Sighs.

Why, you ask, must I resort to such extreme measures after losing the Funniest Anime Blog Award? Am I not disappointed that I lost all the awards? Isn’t everybody else? Sure, but losing the [...]

Room posts: what a brilliant idea! Why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, I did – TWO YEARS AGO.

What the hell must I do to impress you assholes? Did I not one-up the other bloggers by posting my room, my car, myself, and two videos featuring myself AND my room? One of these days [...]

Warning: First of all, this is a blatant filler post (I’m still on hiatus). Secondly, these are simply “Five Manly” themes, not “The Five Manliest” or “The Five Best” themes. If you want to bitch about an omission, keep it short & sweet (i.e. a link to the video and explain your pick through my [...]

I was in the middle of a romantic dinner date with Athena…

…when Alice interrupted us to yell at her.

Athena apologized.

Then Aria came out and started dancing!

Awwww…he’s so cute….

…when Athena kicks him.

I’m going to miss this show.

4/1/2008 – 4/30/2008
I’m sure I’m not the only one who remembers where he was when Pizza-Raptor first graced the Baka-Raptor homepage:

Pizza-Raptor’s month-long tenure left us with many unforgettable memories:

A Tale of Lesbians
My interview with The King of Anime
Yuko’s attempt to seduce me
My failed ABA campaign
My successful BRA campaign
Bingo!
Twins and Boobs

Advantage: True Tears
The birth of Raptorko
Sasuke [...]

Fresh off my victory against Raki, I mysteriously found myself in Yuko’s shop. Greeting me with a sultry smile, Yuko offered to grant my deepest darkest desires. I immediately asked for the one thing all men crave: a roast leg of lamb.

When Yuko summoned Watanuki to cook it, Watanuki threw one of his usual bitchy [...]

With all the one year anniversary posts popping up recently, I thought I’d get in on the action by celebrating my not one, not two, but 2.2 freaking years of rocking the internet.

I could take the opportunity to humbly thank all the people who’ve helped make this possible, or I could crank out one last-ditch [...]

DVD sales are down. American licensors are going out of business. The Japanese distribution model fails to embrace the internet’s potential. Little girls are becoming axe-murderers. There’s no way to sugarcoat it – the anime industry is doomed. I confirmed this inconvenient truth while interviewing The King of Anime.
The King of Anime: Hi Baka-Raptor! I’m [...]

Yesterday I stumbled upon Raki crying in the woods. I attempted to cheer him up by letting him borrow my finest female erotica magazine. Disappointed that there weren’t any men in it, Raki threw my magazine in the river. How dare that bastard waste my porn! I angrily stomped on the ground, creating a rift [...]