Three things that sucked:
1. Para-Medic

According to Wikipedia:
Para-Medic is a FOX support team member who provides Naked Snake with surgical and medical information as well as general information on the local flora and fauna.
I beg to differ. The true purpose of Para-Medic is to bombard you with verbose yet minimally insightful movie analogies in an effort [...]

Five things that sucked:
1. Voice Acting
Much of the dialogue was kind of clumsy, and this is coming from a guy who’s relatively accepting of crappy voice acting. Bear in mind, I’m not talking about the voices that are supposed to sound ridiculous.

2. The Demon Forms of Elvis, Shannon, and Belze

All true except Panel #4
In an [...]

Three things that sucked:
1. Not enough bosses

God of War has only three real bosses: Ares, the Hydra, and the flaming bull. All other critical fights are against either a ton of standard enemies or a handful of slightly powered-up enemies. Nobody cares about the small fries. It’s the boss fights that make a game memorable.
2. [...]

I was recently thinking about how much I suck at drawing, image editing, web design, and other forms of useful art, when I realized there’s a simple way to turn that all around: training in the mountains. Mountain training is a surefire way to get better at anything: martial arts, kendo, ninjutsu, homosexuality, mountain climbing, [...]

Five Things That Sucked:
1. The Viewable Battle Area

One jump and she’s already partially off-screen
Each battlefield is a huge loop (indicated in the bottom-right corner), yet all you can see at any given time is a small rectangular portion of it (indicated in the upper-right corner). It’s barely large enough to contain Gwendolyn and a Unicorn [...]

Crystalis was the best RPG for the NES. Zelda sucked. Final Fantasy sucked. Then came Crystalis—a game so brilliant, so captivating, so devoid of pedophilia that it would surely take the gaming world by storm. Unfortunately, it came out so late in the life of the NES (1990) that it got lost amongst shitty games [...]

Deaths #1-3: The First Colossus

These were legitimate “experimental deaths” because I had no clue what could kill me, nor did I have any clue what I was doing.
Death #4: The Waterfall
On the way to the fifth colossus, I swam down a waterfall, marking the first time in the history of the universe that a fictional [...]

I made a promise that I’d write an unbiased review of FFXII, and I’m damn well going to keep it.
Three Things That Sucked:
1. Boring Townsfolk

Booooooooorrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggg
Is it just me, or do 90% of the townspeople in this game have nothing interesting¹ to say? If I wanted to hear boring conversations go absolutely nowhere, I’d talk to [...]

I was planning to report on Anime Weekend Atlanta, but Hoshi broke her sacred vow to suck up to me by not finding me a place to stay.

Luckily, I discovered another convention right in town! Best of all, it was conveniently located in my new apartment (not this overpriced dump). I hopped into my Strike [...]

I died 25 times in approximately 80 hours of gameplay, which is undoubtedly the optimal death rate for any game with a level-based battle system. If you die less often, you’re not taking enough chances, and if you die more often, it’s because you suck. All of my deaths were glorious and justifiable:
1. I Pissed [...]

Translation note for us commoners: “RenAi” means dating simulation game.
Ever wanted to date your favorite anime blogger? Sorry, I’m not in this game. But Hinano (creator), CJ, UsagiJen, NyaChan, and Impz are! If you play it right, you get to kiss them…
Before playing RenAi Blogger, I hadn’t played any dating sims because I assumed that [...]

Three things that sucked:
1. Not enough Roxas and Naminé

No you’re not
During the early part of the game, you couldn’t take five steps without being forced to sit through a cut scene about Roxas sucking an ice pop. You’d think all that actionless character development would eventually pay off, but no, Roxas and Naminé got [...]