Archive for the 'Objective Analyses' Category

Queen’s Blade Rebellion vs. Princess Tutu: An Objective Analysis

Sunday, November 24th, 2013

Round 1: Title Queens > Princesses Blades > Tutus Rebellion > ∅ (Imagine calling it Princess Tutu Rebellion. So much better.) Advantage: Queen’s Blade Rebellion Round 2: Appropriately sized breasts Queen’s Blade Rebellion: Full breasts on adult women Princess Tutu: Side-boob on a teenage girl, kiddie tits on a girl who otherwise appears prepubescent Advantage: […]

Squid Girl vs. Jellyfish Princess: An Objective Analysis

Saturday, February 19th, 2011

VS. Round 1: Japanese Title Jellyfish Princess: Kuragehime (5 syllables, all one word) Squid Girl: Shinryaku! Ika Musume (8-9 syllables, three words, questionable punctuation) Advantage: Jellyfish Princess Round 2: Not Improperly Called Slice-of-Life Jellyfish Princess: Animesuki 2010 Choice Awards Squid Girl: Anime News Network Advantage: Draw Round 3: Tentacle Rape Jellyfish Princess: Only date rape […]

Flower Girl vs. Kibure: An Objective Analysis

Saturday, October 2nd, 2010

VS. Round 1: Episode 14 Kibure: Watched it five times, never saw her Flower Girl: Appeared thrice Advantage: Flower Girl Round 2: Macross 7 Dynamite OVA Flower Girl: Didn’t appear in it Kibure: Didn’t appear in it Advantage: Draw Round 3: Commercial Bump Flower Girl: Got one in the Fleet of the Strongest Women OVA, […]

Candy Boy vs. Golden Boy: An Objective Analysis

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

32 people love action. 33 people have taste. 42 perverts beat them out. Let’s get it on. Candy Boy VS. Golden Boy Round 1: Number of Episodes Golden Boy: 6 Candy Boy: 7 Advantage: Candy Boy Round 2: Lesbian to Non-Lesbian Ratio Golden Boy: 0 Candy Boy: Infinity Advantage: Candy Boy Round 3: Non-pedophilia Golden […]

Kaiji vs. Kaiba: An Objective Analysis

Saturday, August 16th, 2008

VS. Round 1: Character Design Kaiji: Ugly Kaiba: Hideous Advantage: Kaiji Round 2: Cast of Characters Kaiji: Devoid of women and children. Kaiba: More annoying than Raki, the Bleach arrancars, and SpongeBob combined. After watching the fourth episode, I spent a whole week suffering from erectile dysfunction. The episode was about an ugly old man […]

Golgo 13 vs. Hell Girl: An Objective Analysis

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

VS. Round 1: Deadpan Expression Golgo 13: Unflappable Hell Girl: Cried once, just because she was banished from her village and buried alive Advantage: Golgo 13 Round 2: Google Fight Hell Girl: 3,860,000 results Golgo 13: 548,000 results Advantage: Hell Girl Round 3: Hairstyle Hell Girl: Long, shiny, silky, flowing hair Golgo 13: The manliest […]

True Tears vs. H2O: An Objective Analysis

Saturday, April 5th, 2008

Round 1: Ghosts True Tears: No ghosts, just angels (which are even more boring than spirits) If only The Ghost of Raigomaru rose from hell to strike fear into the hearts of children… H2O: There’s an awesome ghost, but everyone calls her a spirit. Regardless, she is a ghost. Advantage: H2O Round 2: Lesbians True […]