Archive for the 'Rants' Category

Top 10 Bullshit Tickets

Monday, May 19th, 2014

Note: These aren’t necessarily the most ridiculous tickets out there. These are, however, the most ridiculous tickets that get issued on a somewhat regular basis. Obstructed View Legit: You have crap all over your windshield that keeps you from seeing the road. Bullshit: You have rosary beads, fuzzy dice, or an air freshener dangling from […]

How to be a Bitch in Traffic Court

Sunday, May 11th, 2014

“I work as a _______!” Nobody cares. You hear this shit from teachers, firefighters, teachers, priests, teachers, doctors, teachers, soldiers, teachers, and everyone else who thinks their job makes them better than everyone else. “My daddy/husband/uncle/godfather is a cop!” Too bad your daddy wasn’t the one who pulled you over. Pay up. “I volunteer at […]

I Am Not an Asshole

Thursday, May 9th, 2013

A certain asshole recently recommended a +++ manga to me. Normally this would earn the recommender a parade in the streets with rose petals and blowjobs. What taints this asshole’s otherwise glorious recommendation is that the manga runs monthly and appears to be in the middle of its climactic arc. Only an asshole would make […]

The VW Darth Vader Commercial Sucks

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

I remember seeing this ad back in 2011 and thinking, “Wow, that’s a shitty commercial, good thing I’ll never see it again.” The commercial has since been branded a classic to the elation of not only geeks and pedophiles but a confederacy of dunces hastening the moral and financial decay of our morbidly consumerist society. […]

I’m sorry your favorite show doesn’t suck

Saturday, January 7th, 2012

You know what hurts people more than telling them their favorite show sucks? Telling them their favorite show is simply ok. They react as if I threw their kittens in a wood chipper. Perhaps I’m being insensitive since it’s morally impossible for someone of my refined taste and unbridled honesty to praise mediocrity. But isn’t […]

Japanese School Swimsuits are Hideous

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

No wonder Galatea slashed her eyes and got to a nunnery Me in 2001: Why are they having nosebleeds? Me in 2006: Why are they bleeding out of anything but their eyes after seeing that ugly swimsuit? Me in 2011: It’s funny because otaku have stupid fetishes. It’d be easy enough to bash the fetishization […]

I prefer anime without gay sex

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Some call me a homophobe because I prefer watching anime without gay sex. I tell them I can’t be homophobic because I like lesbians. They tell me that gays and lesbians are completely different, because lesbians are demeaning and trashy, whereas gays are artistic and enlightening. I tell them I like gay characters too, particularly […]

Anime Seasons: Who Cares?

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

You do not live in Japan. A new season of anime means new anime airs on TV in Japan, which is a country you do not live in, unless you’re a disillusioned expatriate who has yet to learn that watching anime all day makes you a loser no matter where you are in the world. […]

Reading Sucks

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

This may come as a surprise to many of you, but once upon a time I used to like reading. It’s true. Seriously. I’m not kidding. It was as recently as the eighth grade. For one particular assignment, my English teacher required us to read any 200+ page book of our choosing that was set […]

Japan: Who Cares?

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

I like anime. Japan isn’t anime. Q.E.D. Like most people, I enjoy a good story. Anime has consistently delivered better stories than any other form of entertainment I’ve ever come across. That’s why I’m a fan. There’s nothing uniquely Japanese about it, nor do the brilliant stories that drew me to anime exist in Japan […]