Just how boring is K-ON? Let’s put it this way: I paused episode 10 to rewatch an episode of Akikan. Akikan: Crappy animation, original jokes K-ON: Uncrappy animation, unoriginal jokes Winner: Akikan The jokes in K-ON are so stale that I’m forced to make up my own jokes to survive each episode. See 1:39-1:45 I’m [...]

Ayatsuri Sakon follows the crime-fighting adventures of Sakon, a bunraku puppeteer, and Ukon, Sakon’s wise-cracking puppet. Think of them as the Japanese Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat. When Sakon’s deductive powers combine with Ukon’s moxy, the two have an uncanny knack for solving murder mysteries once half the suspects are already dead. How do they [...]

Last time I read a book, I had to push the limits of human creativity to fit lesbians into it. Not this time. Why bother reading when I could watch anime? Unfortunately, I’ve been suffering bouts of eye strain lately. I’ve been dropping glasses and everything. I am such a dojikko. So I’ve turned to [...]

Candy Boy is the most misleading title I’ve seen since Bible Black. Any of the following titles would’ve been more fitting: Candy Girl Candy Lesbian Candy Candy, Boy! EF – A Tale of Lesbians Candy Boy has only four characters: the lesbian twins, their lesbian stalker, and their little sister, who also happens to be a [...]

Deaths #1-3: The First Colossus These were legitimate “experimental deaths” because I had no clue what could kill me, nor did I have any clue what I was doing. Death #4: The Waterfall On the way to the fifth colossus, I swam down a waterfall, marking the first time in the history of the universe [...]

I don’t care about style. Whether characters look pointy or retarded doesn’t matter to me as long as I get a good story. What I do find annoying is when unconventional style becomes the focal point of the anime. Style should never take precedence over substance. Fooly Cooly: Yawn Lucky Star: Stupid Kaiba: Bullshit Do [...]

I picked up several shows from Fall 2008, but I’m only giving midterm grades for these five. You know why? Because most of them were too damn short. One season = 26 episodes. Let me reiterate: 1 Season = 26 Episodes I’m generous enough to give out midterm grades for series with 24 or 25 [...]

I made a promise that I’d write an unbiased review of FFXII, and I’m damn well going to keep it. Three Things That Sucked: 1. Boring Townsfolk Booooooooorrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggg Is it just me, or do 90% of the townspeople in this game have nothing interesting¹ to say? If I wanted to hear boring conversations go absolutely [...]

1. Real Pocky Product placement isn’t funny, unlike Trademark infringement. Two girls in swimsuits are trapped in a closet and all I can think about is trademark infringement. Why? Because I’m not a pedophile. Speaking of lesbians and pocky… 2. Not Enough Lesbian Pocky Scenes Speaking of lesbians… 3. No Lesbian Scene between the Director [...]

There was a time when baseball wasn’t boring. It was when I was eight years old and didn’t know any better. I was so ignorant about the true nature of baseball that I was a Yankees fan. Words cannot convey how ashamed I am. The only thing I can say in my defense is that [...]

CHEESE IS DELICIOUS Haruka’s secret is that she likes anime. Yawn. I hate anime about people who like anime. I also hate people who like anime. And I hate people. That’s three strikes. HNS was bound to suck. Or so I thought… Facts are facts: this show has every cliché in the book (except stepping [...]

Code Geass is about a genius named Lelouch. Lelouch has a power called “Geass,” which allows him to control people. Sometimes Lelouch wears a disguise. Lelouch wants to create a world where he can live happily every after. But many obstacles lie in his path. Lelouch formulates some brilliant strategies. And defeats all his enemies! [...]

No, but don’t expect filler movies to get much better. But Baka-Raptor, if you give a filler movie a positive review, won’t that encourage the production of more filler? No. Filler gets made no matter what I say. Positive reviews will at least promote the production of higher quality filler. When filler gets panned regardless [...]

Library Wars took the badass premise of War and had to ruin it with Libraries. What’s next, Homework Dinosaurs? Income Tax Lesbians? Indian Food? The lousy first impression doesn’t end with the title. I rarely skip an opening sequence in this golden age of crappy yet catchy j-pop intros, but honestly, if I want to [...]

I’m talking about xxxHoLiC Kei, the second season of the deceptively erotic xxxHoLiC franchise. It showed signs of improvement right from the opening, which is all Yuko and sans Watanuki for the first 40 seconds. [vid]HrCSyToTung[/vid] Then the show temporarily goes downhill. Watanuki couldn’t wait more than 30 seconds to throw his first bitchy tantrum [...]

Some of you have been bitching about this site’s recent dearth of anime reviews: “Nice review :p Need more anime reviews though, preferably of new ones!” – keke “I came here with a dinosaur joke but forgot it in the time it took to read all this crap… Er, I mean excellent, award winning content.” [...]

VS. Round 1: Deadpan Expression Golgo 13: Unflappable Hell Girl: Cried once, just because she was banished from her village and buried alive Advantage: Golgo 13 Round 2: Google Fight Hell Girl: 3,860,000 results Golgo 13: 548,000 results Advantage: Hell Girl Round 3: Hairstyle Hell Girl: Long, shiny, silky, flowing hair Golgo 13: The manliest [...]

Picking up with the same three categories from last time: 1. The Plot is still Crap The ending was terrible: show Murasaki, who’d supposedly given up on her freedom, conceived and brokered the most convenient compromise in the universe within minutes of Kurenai’s implausible yet predictable victory. Benika suddenly became the weakest character in the [...]

I tried to be reasonable. I tried to be delicate. I tried to make a serious point with class and grace. What did it get me? A ton of inane comments ignoring all my arguments and reiterating the same hollow crap: Kure-nai is awesome and Plot doesn’t matter. The only one who didn’t whore himself [...]

Spice and Wolf: She has a tail – get over it. 5 Centimeters per Second: Slow Hamtaro: Evil Library Wars: Unrealistic Neon Genesis Evangelion: Trainwreck My Neighbor Totoro: I hate my neighbor All Nippon Air Line (ANAL): Needs more lesbians Chi’s Sweet Home: Yawn Kodomo no Jikan: Great show, if you’re a pedophile. Which I’m [...]

Warning: This show has the potential to be terrible. Don’t take this review as seriously as you normally take my objective, unbiased reviews. Warning #2: This show has boobs bouncing all over the place. If you hate boobs, Kamen no Maid Guy definitely isn’t the show for you. I’m ready to declare this the sleeper [...]

When it comes to animated comedy, America tosses Japan the proverbial “football in the groin.” [vid]1zaGTWKtjBY[/vid] I’d take an episode of The Boondocks, South Park, Family Guy, or The Simpsons over any anime comedy (in that order). I’m not saying that anime isn’t funny. I laugh at anime all the time, but most of those [...]

Round 1: Ghosts True Tears: No ghosts, just angels (which are even more boring than spirits) If only The Ghost of Raigomaru rose from hell to strike fear into the hearts of children… H2O: There’s an awesome ghost, but everyone calls her a spirit. Regardless, she is a ghost. Advantage: H2O Round 2: Lesbians True [...]

*No lesbians or tales thereof ef – a tale of memories: Amazing anime, horrendous title. They might as well have named the show please ignore me: the animation. At least please ignore me: the animation trumpets the X-factor of reverse psychology. ef – a tale of memories is just plain worthless. Great titles, like EF [...]

Code Geass: Great Anime or The Greatest Anime? I still can’t decide between this show and Darker than Black. Then again, why should I? Code Geass + Darker than Black + Code Geass S2 = Pizza Hut’s Anime Triple Decker lol! What, Pizza Hut discontinued the Triple Decker? Good, that shit was nasty. Pizza Hut [...]

I love this show! Darker than Black is Better than Great: it’s PERFECT! Now before you call me a hypocrite for suddenly praising a show that I recently criticized, I have a confession to make – I was a tool back then. Lately however, I’ve been seeing the world in a fresh, tastier light. Now [...]

First of all, Mion’s boobs are way too big. Then we find out that she has a twin with equally large (if not slightly larger) boobs. Just what anime needs: more boobs. Boobs and twins. Twins and boobs. Ugh. If you’re not into boobs, there’s always Rika. Everybody seems to think she’s cute, just because [...]

So Kyou, Ryou, and to some degree, Tomoyo got ripped off. At least one of my bold predictions came true: I also watched the Clannad movie. Here are the key differences: Fuko doesn’t exist Ryou doesn’t exist. Oh wait, nothing changed. Kotomi is a voiceless character in a completely irrelevant role Kyou is Tomoyo’s lackey [...]

Aside from murder, there are a few additional differences between Shion no Ou and Hikaru no Go that I left out of the title: They play Shougi instead of Go Shion gets stalked by a human instead of an ambiguously gay ghost The pimp in a white suit doesn’t wear a tie I don’t get [...]

Three things that sucked: 1. Not enough Roxas and Naminé No you’re not During the early part of the game, you couldn’t take five steps without being forced to sit through a cut scene about Roxas sucking an ice pop. You’d think all that actionless character development would eventually pay off, but no, Roxas and [...]

When I use the word epic, I don’t cheapen it like everyone else on the internet: epic cat fight Second most epic song on the show epic banana peel slip epic win Epic wasn’t meant to be some watered-down internet catch phrase. First of all, epic can only describe stories/accounts/tales/legends/recollections/etc…. The following things aren’t stories [...]