The Baka-Raptor Cheap Jew Challenge

You know what solves problems? Candlelight vigils. Genocide in Darfur? It's nothing a dance-a-thon can't stop. Hurricane relief for New Orleans? There's a Facebook group. Now somebody's holding a "March for Sustainability". Do these hippie assholes actually think they're making a difference?

Back when I was a freshman, I was roped into working for one of their bullshit social programs:

The program was cancelled shortly after the self-victimizing black bitch got busted for never coming to work. It sickens me to think that the program might still exist today if she hadn't been caught. Here's a typical day in the life of a tutor:

2:00 - Tutors are required to show up
2:01-2:59 - Everyone sits around with their heads up their asses until the students arrive
3:00 - The students arrive
3:01-3:59 - We watch the kids do stupid homework assignments that they don't need any help with
4:00-4:59 - We let the kids run around like idiots
5:00 - The kids leave

How much money did this program waste? Consider the following:

Approximately 30 students
1:1 student to tutor ratio
$10/hour per tutor
3 hour sessions
3 sessions each week
16 weeks per semester

That's over $40,000 per semester in tutor salaries alone! You could just cut out all the bullshit and buy each student his own laptop for that kind of money! But did the other tutors get it? No, those morons had to spam my inbox with waves of self-righteous pleas to save the program through letter writing campaigns. Idiots.

"But it helps black kids!"

Black kids don't need special treatment. They're just like any other kids. They like Dragonball Z, Yu-Gi-Oh, and if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were still around, their favorite character would be Raphael. If anything, black kids are better off than white kids, because their parents aren't afraid to beat them.

There's no greater mask for bullshit than political correctness. One day as we were getting paid to do nothing from 2:01-2:59, the white assistant started bitching about going to a comedy club and hearing Jewish jokes. Boo hoo hoo, you hypocritical bitch. You can't take blatant jokes in a comedic setting, but you're proud to lead a program based on the premise that some races are better off than others? Besides, Jewish stereotypes don't make any sense.

"Jews are cheap"

No they're not. Half of my high school was Jewish. They were so cheap that they drove luxury cars and carried Prada bags. Our best team was the tennis team, because it was full of Jews who'd been taking private tennis lessons since they were three years old. Of course, not every Jew is a liberal spender, but have I ever met a Jew cheaper than me? Not a chance, and if I ever do, I guarantee that he won't be cheaper than my parents. I'm so confident in the cheapness of my parents that I'm announcing The Baka-Raptor Cheap Jew Challenge:

"If you can find a Jew cheaper than my parents, I'll give him a penny."

If he's really cheaper than my parents, the penny will definitely be worth it. Just to let you know what you're up against, back when I was in the 1st grade, my school librarian thought I'd lost a book and charged me for it. My parents refused to pay. Finally, at the end of the year, they told me to ask the principal if I could get a summer job to pay it off. When I told the librarian that my parents wanted me to work off the debt, she said that she'd already found the book. I wanted to believe her, but deep down I knew that she was just trying to cover for me. What a sweet lady. For the record, my father is an electrical engineer. He could've easily paid it off by working for less than half an hour.

3001 Jews are willing to pay for their children's class field trips