An Open Letter to Kotomi Ichinose

Dear Kotomi,

You are the greatest Key girl ever. I know that's not saying much, but unlike Fuko and all those useless girls from Air, I'm actually going to care when you die/disappear/fall into a coma. It's rare to see a "cute" Key girl who's also smart, well-mannered, and talented.

With that said, what the hell are you thinking? Stop letting all those bullies push you around. You were just minding your own business in the library when some chump tells you that you need friends. Who the hell does he think he is, and what does he have to gain by forcing you to make friends? Your ass, that's what. He's just trying to get you in bed (that's how these Japanese games operate).

Even if you wanted to make friends, why would you pick these losers? That Sunohara guy, holy shit he's annoying. Nagisa seems harmless, but by the time you get to know her she'll probably die/disappear/fall into a coma. Then there's Kyou. When she's not throwing dictionaries or running people over with her scooter, she's sexually harassing you (or as they say in Japan, SekuHara).

Just tell them all off in your soft-spoken Mamiko Noto voice and stay in the library. I'll approve if you want to befriend Tomoyo, but that's it.

Nobody cared when 5189 Key girls died/disappeared/fell into a coma