Every kid on Denno Coil needs a beating

Denno Coil was a touching, visually stunning, creative masterpiece that nearly earned my coveted +++ rating. However, it will never win a spot in my top 10, because there were too many no-good snot-nosed insolent kids running amok. I haven't seen so many kids in need of a beating since Negima (lusting after your 10 year old teacher is nothing a solid kick in the ass can't fix).

The problem in today's society is that too many parents lack the moral resolve to corporally discipline their children. Even when they recognize the necessity of administering the occasional ass-whooping, they're afraid of being hated by their children, or worse, being accused of child abuse. Fear not � it's ok to beat your kids as long as you don't cross the line. To show you how it's done, I'm going to evaluate each of the kids from Denno Coil and recommend an appropriate beating technique based on Maddox's primer.


Problem: Getting lost and talking to strangers
Solution: Five across the eyes


Problem: Demanding toast for breakfast, then refusing to eat it
Solution: The skull thump


Problem: Not looking both ways before crossing the street
Solution: The yard stick


Problem: This girl has her act together, so I'm assuming she already gets beaten.
Solution: The sucker punch (just for good measure)


Problem: Pointing at everything she sees and calling it poop
Solution: The Dragon Kick


Problem: Repeated parking violations
Solution: The one-handed chauffeur reach around


Problem: Skipping judo practice
Solution: The one-two shut-the-hell-up


Problem: Warrantless surveillance
Solution: The cane intercept


Problem: Failing to take care of his dinosaur
Solution: The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe


3901 other kids on Denno Coil need beatings too