Free Hugs are Ruining the World

I'm used to seeing worthless hippie demonstrations around campus, or so I thought until I stepped out of class one day and saw a bunch of girls offering to give free hugs to strangers. What the hell is wrong with people?

People don't need free hugs. Hugs lead people down the path of complacency, saying worthless things like "It's ok" and "Everything's going to be fine". That's destructive. People shouldn't sit back and accept things that suck; they should feel pissed off and strive to better themselves and the world around them. Therefore, what people really need are free beatings. Beatings make people feel ashamed and vengeful, which provides motivation for improvement.

This free hugs campaign is apparently a worldwide conspiracy. It's time somebody stood up to these hippies. Offer free beatings. Offer hugs for a price. I don't care what you do, just don't encourage the pussification of modern civilization. Follow Maddox's lead.

I'd normally charge $713 for a beating