I don't give a shit if you win a DVD Player

I was scanning through my bulk mail folder for info on slutty local singles when I came across this special offer:

"This is completely legit! You need 8 referrals, and have each of them complete one offer! You can do the AOL w/ MusicNet free trial for 30 days and wait till you recieve credit from offercentric then cancel the AOL service! You don't spend a dime and you still maintain your completed credit!"

Why don't you take that offer and shove it up your ass? I could spend my precious time watching anime instead of getting ripped off by your shitty online pyramid scheme. What sort of tool would actually sign up for membership to a web service and immediately cancel it just to help somebody else win a DVD player?

This bullshit doesn't stop with the internet. Last year a typical CMU bitch came into my dorm room and tried to get me to fill out a credit card application. For those of you who aren't familiar with the social dynamics at Carnegie Mellon University, every girl here is an ugly stuck up whore who expects every guy to kiss her ass because she feels empowered by the 2:1 male to female ratio.

My roommate didn't know how to handle this situation:

Let's see how I handled it:

If you assholes still think it's ok to hassle people for your own selfish interests, then I'm sure you won't mind participating in my pyramid scheme. It's a flexible plan with a wonderful prize:

"If this website doesn't reach 25,000 visitors per day by June, I won't be eligible to review an advanced copy of Maddox's book! Helping me is fun and easy! Since I already get about 13 unique visits per day despite being sandboxed by those bastards at Google, all I need are 24987 more hits! All you have to do is visit this website, pick positive numbers n and b such that b is your desired branching factor and n equals the log of (24987/13) to the base b, and tell b people to apply this method recursively with n-1 and b until n equals 0! If you don't do it, I'll kick your ass!"

As I was saying, Google sucks. Use Clusty.

19884 suckers still need to visit this site