An Unbiased Review of RenAi Blogger

Translation note for us commoners: “RenAi” means dating simulation game.

Ever wanted to date your favorite anime blogger? Sorry, I’m not in this game. But Hinano (creator), CJ, UsagiJen, NyaChan, and Impz are! If you play it right, you get to kiss them…

Before playing RenAi Blogger, I hadn’t played any dating sims because I assumed that simulated dating would be at least as boring as the real thing. I was wrong. A few reasons why RenAi Blogger is better than actual dating:

  • It’s free
  • There’s background music
  • You can skip all the dialogue
  • Your name is Chase
  • You can save, load, and restart

Before you start bitching about how I should go easy on RenAi Blogger because it’s an amateur game with a niche target audience, think about how insulted you’d be if I wrote an insincere review of your creation. Nobody wants that. I’m holding RenAi Blogger to the same unbiased standard as I hold every game – because I care.

Three Things That Sucked:

1. One spelling mistake

Hinano, you couldn’t even spell-check your own arc?

2. Treasonous physics

What is this, Canada?

In America, we drive on the right side of the road. Jen should be falling from left to right, not right to left.

3. Not enough violence

This is the only non-violent video game I’ve ever played. Why couldn’t RenAi Blogger be more like Duck Hunt? With four girls (and Impz) competing for your love, somebody needs to get hurt. What would happen if you were at the anime convention with Natsuko and you ran into CJ? Next time I want to see some catfighting, preferably in a secret unlockable dungeon.

Three Things That Rocked:

1. New York jokes

It’s funny because it’s true.

2. Anti-pedophilic themes

RenAi Blogger might be the only non-pedophilic dating sim ever created. Natsuko’s arc teaches us that 16-year-olds are incapable of making sexual decisions in the state of New York. They know it. So do their moms. And the guys at the artists alley. And the little Japanese kids who happen to be running around making lolicon comments with impeccable timing.

3. Shopping tips

$2/yard of fabric in Chinatown?! I’m so there.

Tags:

20 people love sucking up to me

  1. Hinano says:

    LOOL awesome review. xD
    As far as spelling just blame JP, I had him spell check it TWICE for me 😛

  2. Ez says:

    I wish I got the jokes. =(

  3. Baka-Raptor says:

    @Hinano: It’s no big deal, you should be proud of yourseld for only making one spelling mistake in the whole game.

    @Ez: That’s why they rocked. It’s tempting to leave jokes out when you know they’ll slip past much of your audience, if you’re a pussy.

  4. Kabitzin says:

    What’s your problem Baka-Raptor? Don’t you know JP will be beaten and sent to bed without dinner now?

  5. LJ says:

    My rote reaction to someone falling onto me is tomoe nage. I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.

  6. issa-sa says:

    Not enough violence in a dating sim you say??
    http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/203189
    Or you could just try School Days I suppose. RenAi Blogger would probably have benefited if we got to see Chase get paddled/Natsuko’s mom beating the crap out of him perhaps 😛

  7. digitalboy says:

    >2. Anti-pedophilic themes

    7 good reasons not to play the game…

  8. blissmo says:

    Definitely not enough violence

  9. keke says:

    Nice review :p Need more anime reviews though, preferably of new ones!

  10. zigged says:

    um… wouldn’t the bus be faceing out of the screen making her fall, from right to left, correct

    nevermind that would make the stop sign backwards carry on

  11. TheBigN says:

    Solid review. <o

    Though it kinda makes me a little wary of New York. 😛

  12. Baka-Raptor says:

    @Kabitzin: If Hinano cooks as skillfully as she sews, I’ve done JP a favor.

    @LJ: My rote reaction to hearing “Tomoe” and “falling onto” is to break everything in sight.

    @issa-sa: Awesome game. Brilliant dialogue.

    @digialboy: You’ll understand someday…

    @blissmo: Play issa-sa’s game (comment 6)

    @keke: Detroit Metal City.

    @zigged: There’d be no problem if she left out the stop sign. Extraneous detail always screws things up.

    @TheBigN: You should be, at least when you go to the Bronx.

  13. Hoshi says:

    Maybe she fell out of the bus driver’s window? And then the stop sign just so happened to be right plonk in the middle of the street…

    woot. Chinatown~ Although I’m talking about the SF one.

  14. Few months ago, there was a report on the BBC world radio saying that crime rate in NY has dropped!

  15. LJ says:

    @ The Sojourner: Well they lie. I had a friend (Very tough man, goes to concerts FOR mosh pits, been a martial artist all his life, recently opened up his own dojo, all that jazz) medically “die” there. Twice. Granted, the defibrillator made short work of his heart failure both times, but don’t let the tidbit that he technically survived distract you from the fact that he got shanked by a complete stranger for literally no reason. On more than one occasion. (The second time, he wasn’t exactly caught off guard, and it wasn’t indiscriminate, of course, but that’s another story.)
    The rates be damned, crime isn’t getting better, people are just getting less stupid, if only through negative reinforcement.

  16. TheBigN says:

    There’s a DMC review coming up? Awesome times. 😀

  17. C.I. says:

    I got yelled at by Natsuko for being a paedophile and got called a paedophile by her mom on my 4th and 5th tries IIRC, I wonder what that says of me.

  18. Shin says:

    Point 2 is so true it hurts. Not that it has stopped me from lusting over little girls.

  19. […] and bits and pieces of her life, together with the rest of the bloggers. Too bad I didn’t get the NY jokes […]

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