Evangelion 02: Penguins?!

Pen Pen: Best Character Ever

The episode begins with Shinji trying to make the robot walk. It trips after two steps. Then the Angel picks it up, crushes its left arm, and stabs it through the face.

Has Shinji been defeated?

The next thing we know, Shinji is lying in hospital bed. The Evangelion is a total wreck.

Cut to Shinji’s father having a backroom meeting with some evil bureaucrats.

We shall reenact this scene starring Nostalgia-Raptor as Shinji’s father and Block-A-Raptor and The Ghost of Pizza-Raptor as evil bureaucrats.

Nii-sama, can I be an evil bureaucrat too?

No. Get back in the kitchen.

Raptorpiece Theatre Presents:

The BureaucRaptors

We’re cutting your budget.

But I just saved mankind!

You also destroyed two phone booths and a skyscraper.

That’s nothing compared to the damage that would taken place if we hadn’t stepped in! Did you see how the UN got wrecked in the last episode?

You were inefficient. Bureaucrats don’t tolerate inefficiency.

And you let your son be the pilot. That’s corrupt, and nobody likes him.

But he’s the only one who can do it! Literally! With 6 x 10^9 people in the world and a 10^-10 chance of any individual being a capable pilot, we’re lucky to even have one!

Fuck you.

We’re cutting your budget. Don’t let us see this shit again.

The End

Moving along, Misato is shocked to learn that Shinji doesn’t want to live with his father. Feeling sorry for Shinji, Misato takes him in as her roommate.

Fanservice ensues.

Impressive censorship.

It’s Pen Pen!

Hauuu~ Omochikaeri!

Check out those dexterous, raptor-like claws – indisputable proof that birds evolved from dinosaurs.

Shinji finally makes his way into the bathtub, only to whine about how much he hates baths. Misato takes a bath too.

Meanwhile, Shinji recalls how he defeated the Angel. First, he got slapped around. Then the robot mysteriously went berserk, ripped out the Angel’s ribs, and used the ribs to stab the Angel. The Angel desperately resorted to a self-destruct attack, which failed to accomplish anything except revealing the Evangelion’s “true form.”

Don’t forget all the cross-shaped blasts!

What deep symbolism!

Final Thoughts:

Pen Pen is awesome

Bureaucrats are cheap

Misato is slutty

And crosses are deep

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