One Outs = Baseball – Boredom

There was a time when baseball wasn’t boring. It was when I was eight years old and didn’t know any better. I was so ignorant about the true nature of baseball that I was a Yankees fan. Words cannot convey how ashamed I am. The only thing I can say in my defense is that at least the Yankees won back then. These days they buy out every single overrated former all-star in the league and can’t even make the playoffs. What a disgrace.

One Outs fixes everything that sucks about baseball:

1. Gambling

Gambling kicks ass (in case you haven’t gotten the message from Kaiji, Akagi, and Legendary Gambler Tetsuya). Everybody loves gambling. Why else would the Glantz-Culver line be published in every major newspaper in the country? But when professional athletes bet on their own games, it’s scandalous for some reason. One Outs saves us from this hypocrisy. It’s all gambling, all the time.

2. Performance-based Contracts

Many athletes play their hardest when their contracts are about to expire. Then as soon as they get a fat new contract, they start to suck again. This contract year phenomenon exists because athletes get too much in guaranteed money. If you’re going to get paid no matter how much you suck, where’s the incentive to play harder? Tokuchi’s contract in One Outs is 100% performance-based. If he sucks, he loses money. There’s no room for complacency.

3. No Filler

“At the turn of the 20th century, games typically took an hour and a half to play. In the 1920s, they averaged just less than two hours, which eventually ballooned to 2 hours and 38 minutes in 1960…by the turn of the 21st century, games had become so long that Major League Baseball’s goal in 2004 was to get the average game down to 2 hour and 45 minutes.” – Wikipedia

One Outs gives you a whole game in 23 minutes.

4. No Steroids

This guy clearly hasn’t been taking steroids

The screenshot comes from the opening sequence, which is basically one and a half minutes of Hiruma’s long lost twin being topless and malnourished. I typically skip it and loop the preview music instead.


Baritone Saxophone + Chopping Wood in the Mountains. If there’s a manlier preview, I’d like to see it.

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