I Watch K-ON So You Don’t Have To

Just how boring is K-ON? Let’s put it this way: I paused episode 10 to rewatch an episode of Akikan.

Akikan: Crappy animation, original jokes

K-ON: Uncrappy animation, unoriginal jokes

Winner: Akikan

The jokes in K-ON are so stale that I’m forced to make up my own jokes to survive each episode.

See 1:39-1:45

I’m the king of the world, on a boat like Leo

If you’re on the shore, then you’re sure not Mio

Mio is a terrible character, though she’s not really a character so much as she’s a prop. Props change depending on the nature of the scene. So does Mio. Whatever the scene requires, that’s what she is. Responsibility? Mio. Carelessness? Mio. Optimism? Mio. Fear? Mio. Violence? Mio. Submissiveness? Mio. Is there a personality trait she doesn’t exhibit?

Rather than her character driving the show, the show drives her character. Face it, Mio is nothing more than a pander machine. The only flaw in her design is that she’s too developed for the truest of pedophiles, which is why mini-Mio (a.k.a. Asuza/Asu-nyan/Asu-nomalocaris) was spun-off.

But Baka-Raptor, pandering isn’t necessarily bad!

First of all, x isn’t necessarily y counterarguments against non-absolutes are toothless. Congratulations, you’ve discovered that two different words exist to express two different concepts. Give yourself a pat on the back. Now, instead of trying to explain why pandering isn’t necessarily bad, stick to the point—explain why Mio’s pandering isn’t bad. You can’t. At least the other K-ON characters pander without continuously contradicting their supposed core character traits. Consider Mugi. She panders to the lesbian-loving audience (a.k.a. the world at large). She digs women—that’s her story and she’s sticking to it. (UPDATE: Upon closer inspection, Mugi only displayed lesbian tendencies in one episode.) At no point does she run off and start liking men, tables, or anomalocaridids. Besides, she’s gay for Sawako-sensei, which is totally believable.

Sawako-sensei panders with her costuming, but as with characters other than Mio, her pandering never conflicts with her personality. She’s supposed to be a bit unbalanced, which is totally understandable since I rejected her.

I did not Photoshop this image

Sorry, Sawako. Even in high school I wasn’t into underage girls. Don’t take it personally. But hey, that’s in the past. Now we’re both 23. Get over it and shoot me a comment.

I’ll give credit where credit is due: Episode 5 was good (but only because of Sawako-sensei). Every other episode sucked. Even Sawako-sensei’s stock has taken a nosedive since episode 5. At first she seemed like she’d be the unchallenged best female character of the season.  Now she’s fallen to somewhere in the 20’s.

1. Alice* (Pandora Hearts)
2. Selvaria (Valkyria Chronicles)
3-20. Every character on Queen’s Blade*
21. Nobunaga’s wife (Sengoku Basara)
22. Winry* (FMA II)
23. Sawako-sensei

*Rankings are not based on sexual attractiveness (otherwise characters under 18, such as Alice and Winry, would have no place on this list). Think of this list as my order of preference for donating a kidney.

I’d stick my organ inside her

Anyway, now that I’ve established in an objective manner that K-ON sucks, you may be wondering why I’m still watching it.

Hey, and I thought you had dropped K-ON! (you had taken quite a hard stance on that one in your previous article)
I don’t know whether I should be relieved that you are watching it anyway or disappointed that you went with the stream rather than assuming your ideas and refusing to watch more ^^


Unfortunately, I cannot drop a giri category show from my lineup for sucking. Each category of my lineup has specific dropping criteria:

Must Watch

Purpose To ensure I’ll be watching at least one great show
Qualifies if I have high expectations before watching
Can drop if It sucks
Cannot drop if It remains watchable
Example Cross Game

Sleeper Hit

Purpose To flaunt my great taste and non-conformity
Qualifies if I have high expectations after watching
Can drop if It sucks and grows in popularity
Cannot drop if It sucks but remains underground
Example Pandora Hearts

Guilty Pleasure

Purpose My viewing pleasure
Qualifies if My subjective rating is substantially higher than my objective rating
Can drop if It subjectively sucks
Cannot drop if It objectively sucks
Example Queen’s Blade


Purpose To ride out my investment in a franchise
Qualifies if I’ve seen a previous season, read the manga, light novel, etc…
Can drop if It deviates extensively from the original work (e.g. filler)
Cannot drop if It’s watchable
Example Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood


Purpose To stay in touch with the common otaku and criticize his shitty taste
Qualifies if It’s hyped up yet I see little potential (opposite of Sleeper Hit)
Can drop if It loses popularity
Cannot drop if It sucks
Example K-ON

The Swooping Descent of the Dark Emissary! The Propagation of Malice

Purpose To wash out the pedophilic taste of giri
Qualifies if Its badassery knows no bounds
Can drop if It goes tame
Cannot drop if It sucks
Example Sengoku Basara

Shot in the Dark

Purpose To broaden my horizons
Qualifies if I know absolutely nothing about this show
Can drop if It sucks once given a legitimate chance
Cannot drop if It sucks before given a legitimate chance
Example Valkyria Chronicles


Purpose To keep my anime diet balanced
Qualifies if It covers something (preferably many things) not found elsewhere in my lineup
Can drop if A better show covering at least as much clean-up ground comes along
Cannot drop if It sucks but no better clean-up show comes along
Example Asura Cryin’

If I weren’t a blogger, I’d have no need for the giri category. However, as a blogger, it’s my duty to stomach the popular crap so I can warn you not to.  Does this make me a hero? Absolutely.

PS: One of you will get Comment #3000. Free comments for 24 hours.

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