Today is Valentine's Day. If you happen to be a single loser spending the day alone in front of your computer (which you probably are), you may find it comforting to realize that it's better to be single than stuck in a dead-end relationship with a shallow bitch, for example, my cousin. In case you missed the original My Cousin is a Shallow Bitch page, here's the premise:
"My cousin is a shallow bitch. All she does is listen to shitty music and whine about how nobody understands her. Whenever a guy dumps her, it's the end of the world...until she starts jerking another dick 3 days later. That bitch was also stupid enough to email me the log of an online fight with her boyfriend. Big mistake."
I then posted that conversation, or more precisely, about half of it. Here's the rest:
...
That's all I've got, but I'm sure the bullshit conversation kept on going, unlike their relationship.
They broke up a few weeks later
when some MySpace comments led my cousin to figure that she was being cheated on.
Last time I heard about her ex-boyfriend, he got arrested – I kid you not –
while trying to steal a computer from a local high school in the middle
of the night. How fucking stupid do you have to be to even try to steal a high school computer, let alone get caught? How stupid do you have to be to go out with someone like that? The worst part is that
she still claims to have feelings for him!
Clearly, being single isn't so bad.
Still down on Valentine's Day? You won't be after reading these:
The First Annual Valentine's Day Cupid Slaughter
Cousin: if you really cared and if you really wanted to be with me... you would show it
Cousin: so far... it feels like i've only been taking shit from you.. and no joke- i'm not the only one who feels that way
Cousin: and wow- i actually have guts to say this to you
Boyfriend: ur a smart kid gets cancled by how u enjoy telling me abt ur other guys
Cousin: i tell you about other guys? what?
Boyfriend: i dont tell u wtf i did with my past girls
Boyfriend: n the shit is it seems like u want me 2 kno
Boyfriend: like u wanna rppove sumin
Cousin: what have i told you?
Cousin: oh boy- i could tell you a lot more... im pretty conscious about what i tell you
Boyfriend: ull be like OMG this guy
Boyfriend: oh wait nvr mind u wouldnt wanna hear that
Cousin: okay... well i'm sorry if i did it subconcsiously ... i wont do it again
Cousin: i didn't know it bothered the hell out of you.
Cousin: is that it? is that all that bothers you?
Boyfriend: then ur like "i like sucking ur dick more than any1 elses"
Boyfriend: damn how many dicks have u sucked
Cousin: no.
Cousin: oh my god
Cousin: i dont even mean it like that.
Cousin: oh god. you take it the wrong way.
Cousin: okay... well i'll be conscious about what i say about other guys...
Cousin: im trying to be better here
Cousin: okay- i was completely oblivious about that... that you dont like when i talk about other guys... its not like i do it on purpose
Cousin: but i told you- i'll be careful on what i say
Boyfriend: see it looks like u care by the way u act but u just do things that make me 4get abt all that & make me think that u dont care
Cousin: is that what makes you think i dont car?
Cousin: just that?
Cousin: okay- so what have you done ... besides "being with me"... to show that you care?
Boyfriend: yea like u come of negative sumtimes
Boyfriend: like i rmr @ panera
Boyfriend: that lady bumped in2 u
Cousin: you didn't even seem like that bothered you
Boyfriend: n u gave that bitchy ass look
Cousin: speak up
Cousin: you were laughing about it.
Boyfriend: yeah because i was like wow
Boyfriend: like i keep hearing wat ppl tell me then put it with wat i see
Cousin: you care too much about what people think
Cousin: and since you mentioned it
Cousin: yea- a lot of people dont like me
Boyfriend: i just kant have a problem chick
Cousin: i'm no a problem chick
Cousin: i dont go and instigate
Cousin: some girls i know just have a problem with me
Cousin: its not like everyone..
Cousin: just certain people
Boyfriend: why tho
Boyfriend: why u n not others
Cousin: i dont know
Boyfriend: it just worries m
Boyfriend: me*
Cousin: if you tell me who
Boyfriend: like am i getting myself in2 trouble
Cousin: then i could tell you the case with him/her
Cousin: no?
Cousin: how would you be getting yourself into trouble
Cousin: you're makign such a big deal of of it.
Boyfriend: damn u got case numbers n shit
Boyfriend: lol
Cousin: hahahaha no
Cousin: just certain people
Cousin: like dipple
Cousin: she doesn't like me
Cousin: because of you
Cousin: and same reason kira doesn't like me
Boyfriend: its not a biggie but u always say "u should spoke up n told me"
Boyfriend: soo...
Cousin: kira and dipple are friends.
Cousin: yeah
Cousin: anyone else?
Boyfriend: i dont care
Cousin: yeah you do
Boyfriend: but thats hella ppl
Boyfriend: so in general
Cousin: im not even trying to get them involved with you or anything
Cousin: and i dont even think about it
Cousin: you think about it more than i do
Cousin: honestly- i just brush it off
Cousin: my personality just conflicts with certain people
Boyfriend: ok but ppl dont just hate just because
Cousin: okay... well i dont know what to tell you
Cousin: you can just think what you want to
Cousin: just dont judge me
Cousin: by what people say
Boyfriend: i try not 2
Cousin: yeah- i've noticed
Boyfriend: but it comes in wen we talk abt stuff like thus
Cousin: so what do you want me to do now?
Boyfriend: like if ur not willing 2 change nutthing
Cousin: obviously i'm willing to change..
Boyfriend: then i keep thinking ur that same problem girl
Boyfriend: BUT i dont see ne problems
Boyfriend: so im thinking wat could it b
Cousin: personality clashes mostly
Cousin: and i come off as rude
Cousin: and sometimes annoying?
Boyfriend: yea that ppl say
Boyfriend: oh well
Cousin: give me a hint as to who these people are
Cousin: how can someone just come up to you and start talking about me?
Cousin: if they know we're dating.
Boyfriend: so i can tell u
Boyfriend: to fix u
Cousin: okay
Boyfriend: thats why its good to have a BF/GF so u can learn about ur own self and the other as well
Cousin: yeah i dont know
Cousin: okay
Cousin: i'll try to change
Cousin: but you have to change too
Cousin: you have to put forth an equal effort