53 people love sucking up to me

1. blissmo Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 12:40 am

   I like Hell Girl better

2. Omisyth Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 1:08 am

   Oh, screw your rules, Ai beats everyone. The hell could Golgo do if Ai got a revenge request, which is likely since he goes around killing everyone. But those are some MANLY side-burns.

3. Shin Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 1:26 am

   What about their ℳℴℯ❤ levels?

4. Hyunk Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 2:54 am

   She couldn’t stand behind Golgo, he can draw is gun an shoot in .4 sec you know! His name is DUKE, he got balls of steel.

5. issa-sa Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 7:05 am

   You know what Golgo 13 needs? A mask and a maid outfit. A spiky badge would help too.

6. kanzeon Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 7:42 am

   They should just fight so that Enma Ai would end up “Ippen Shinde Miru”-ing that Golgo guy… Then she wins ^^

7. C.I. Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 8:47 am

   But I prefer la~la~la~la~la to THUD…

8. Valen Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 8:48 am

   Golgo 13 background music - “Thud”. Golgo 13 wins by forfeit.

9. Kabitzin Says:
   July 24th, 2008 at 8:57 am

   What about: “Would make a better Prima in Neo Venezia?”
   Advantage: Hell Girl

10. Riex Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 9:00 am

    I read “objective” and immediately though “bs”. That being said…you’re still watching Golgo 13? That picture of him holding the balloons does not look manly at all.

11. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 9:48 am

    @blissmo: Because she’s short?

    @Omisyth & kanzeon: Golgo 13 would find a way to break out of hell.

    @Shin: Enma wins for moe, Golgo wins for gar. They cancel out.

    @Hyunk: And once he’s drawn he can fire three shots in .1 seconds. I hope he aims for Kikuri first.

    @issa-sa: I was originally going to match Golgo 13 against Maid Guy, but it’s shocking how much more Golgo and his show have in common with Hell Girl.

    @C.I. & Valen: No musical score can beat a solid THUD. Especially during the sex scenes.

    @Kabitzin: Be careful what you wish for…

    

    @Riex: I shelved Golgo 13 after three episodes. Then when I picked it up again, I couldn’t put it down. I’ll write another post about it someday…

12. susieq Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 11:10 am

    But why is Caca Cala better than Deegle???

13. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am

    @susieq: Let’s not forget TGK (TDK) and SANKO (SANYO).

14. Laguna Loire Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am

    15 round fight !! awesome they’re tough!
    But…
    Nooo !!!!!!! how can hell girl loooose ??? i want a recount judge !!! recount now !

    (PS: i would be fine if it ended in a K.O. defeat….)

15. otou-san Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    Don’t forget the live-action Golgo was played by Sonny Chiba. Or that he went to prison and busted out with another guy just to kill the dude immediately after. That’s hardcore.

    And SANKO — easy winner because it sounds like a television that makes instant coffee.

16. Laguna Loire Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    @otou-san : i like instant coffee….

17. Hyunk Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    @susieq: Because it contains SHIT. (Caca = poop in french)

18. LJ Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    Oh, and then there’s reputations. Togo is awesome to the point of having his face used as stock art for manly shift-JIS characters. He also has the Yoshinoya rant attributed to him. Enma Ai is…Enma Ai. It’s a shame google fight doesn’t check CO.JP.

19. Yamcha Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 6:27 pm

    …How the hell did you even make a comparison to Ai and Golgo in the first place? Well besides the fact that they kill people.

20. digitalboy Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    BESt contest EVER, BEST RESULTS EVER.

21. tomasz333 Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 8:57 pm

    *with background thud* I would’ve thought that killing innocent bystanders is an advantage… odd. At least the final result is fathomable. Thus-far-agreeable poll result!

22. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    @Laguna: It was a hometown decision.

    @otou-san: Don’t make me censor your spoilers.

    @Hyunk: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    @LJ: Enma probably likes her Yoshinoya with extra sauce.

    @Yamcha: They’re exactly the same. They both take requests, no questions asked, and always get the job done. I can’t think of any more comparable characters, for either Ai or Golgo.

    @digitalboy: YOU’Re damn RIGHT.

    @tomasz333: Killing extra people isn’t an advantage if you’re lazy.

23. digitalboy Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 10:39 am

    @digitalboy: YOU’Re damn RIGHT.

    I’m glad you thought it looked as stupid as I did.

24. LJ Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    This poll is concrete proof that you can always rely on the majority to supply you with an answer that has little, if anything, to do with the truth.

25. lolikitsune Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    For some reason, Mizunashi Akari’s sideburns seem manlier to me than Duke Togo’s.

26. Michael Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    Guys, it has been proven that Baka-Raptor is a faggot.

    If he was a real guy, Enma should have won. I mean …

    OK, so he’s not a real guy.

    My name is Michael and I am a loser.

27. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    @LJ: Save your cynicism for the final tally. We haven’t even hit 20 votes yet!

    @lolikitsune: Take a closer look:

    

    Her left sideburn is only that little triangle under the golden band holding her “pigtail”. Nothing compared to Golgo.

    @Michael: Don’t be so hard on yourself.

28. Michael Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 10:52 pm

    But, guys, come on! What self-respecting guy would put Golgo 13 over Enma Ai? Right? This is undeniable proof that Baka-Raptor is a homosexual!

    Right, Baka-Raptor?

    My favorite movie is Brokeback Mountain.

29. A Day Without Me Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    Ok, but Golgo can only kill people, Jigoku Shoujo kills them AND sends them to hell AND sends the person who agreed to the contract to hell when they die. Hell > death.

30. LJ Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    She also failed hard in the end. Don’t forget that.
    Advantage Duke.

31. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    @Michael: Really? Don’t worry, I won’t judge you, because I’m enlightened enough to realize that preference in entertainment isn’t determinative of sexuality.

    @A Day Without Me: But Golgo’s $3,000,000 price tag sends his clients into a hell of debt! And once they die they probably go to hell anyway.

    @LJ: “See Round 4″ would sufficed.

32. Hynavian Says:
    July 26th, 2008 at 12:00 am

    @A Day Without Me
    Then you should read the manga “Lucu Lucu”. Hell is full because it’s too fun and the demons had to do community service while waiting to return to Hell. ^____^ Epic!

33. LJ Says:
    July 26th, 2008 at 3:51 am

    I simply don’t do ‘understated’. I feel I am being subtle when I refrain from gushing a complete synopsis.
    Punching angry drunks in the bladder is my way of averting fights.

34. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 26th, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    @A Day Without Me: And you should also read “My Balls”. It’s a hilarious manga about the Queen of Hell getting trapped in a guys balls, and if he ejaculates, the world will be destroyed. Hell + perversion = right up your alley!

    @Hyanvian: You should get a job writing descriptions on the backs of manga covers. You easily beat “About a little demon named Lucu Lucu who can manipulate her hair into any form or shape.”

    @LJ: You and me both.

35. A Day Without Me Says:
    July 26th, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    @ Baka-Raptor - I love how steadily downhill I’m going in your opinion.

    I would’ve read My Balls if it had starred male servants of hell instead of female servants of hell.

    Hell is probably full of 4ch people. This would include me.

36. Laguna Loire Says:
    July 26th, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    @Michael : I am not sure if baka-raptor is realy homosexual , but he surelly cannot breath fire as he claims so.

37. LJ Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 12:51 am

    Street Fighter II’s Dhalsim taught me that breathing fire was the mark of enjoying Indian food (or whatever the retcon of the week is over at Capcom, always trying to avoid public backlash.) I can say with full confidence that this inability would be worn by Baka-Raptor as a badge of honor.

38. Ez Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 11:02 am

    Wow, this is interesting. O_o

39. C.I. Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Wait a minute, shouldn’t killing innocent bystanders give the advantage to Golgo 13?

    Also, Baka-Raptor, I shifted to http://finality.wordpress.com recently. relink please?

40. Michael Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 11:18 am

    The real winner is Finnegans Wake, of course.

    Quoting Baka-Raptor, ‘get thee to a bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!’

41. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    @A Day Without Me: So you’re a loli-perv-satanic-4channer? What’s next? You actually like Eli Manning?

    @Laguna: But breathing fire would set off the fire detector in my building!

    @LJ: I always thought the mark of liking Indian food was pedophilia.

    @Ez: filler

    @C.I.: I already did. Did you bother checking? To punish your insolence, I’m censoring your next five comments.

    @Michael: Quoting Baka-Raptor, ‘Michael, stop trolling me’

42. digitalboy Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    >>loli-perv-satanic-4channer

    >______>

43. LJ Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    So this has been building up in my head and pestering me at my every waking moment, so I figure I might as well get it out before my thoughts become an inchoate mass of rage and word salad.
    Enma Ai is not an impressive character. Period. Full stop.
    Little girls are not scary. At all. As a matter of fact, children in general should have as little to do with the horror genre as possible, unless the director already has at least three best sellers. While empowered youths CAN make good antagonists, it’s difficult. Take, for instance, young boys. Plainly put, there is not a single group on earth more creative in ways of being monstrous assholes. Transplant this mentality to someone supposedly mature, and not only do you have equal parts fear and disgust, you also have the constant disconcerting undercurrent of perverted innocence.

    And so we come to filthy paedophiles turning everything they touch into shit, like some kind of reverse King Midas. It probably got kicked off by a misinterpretation of Ring or something. Let’s get something straight. Sadako wasn’t scary because she was a pale girl. Sadako was scary because she was a disgusting, bloated drowned corpse entrenched so deeply in the uncanny valley that I’m tempted to just refer to her character type as “Horror Elemental”. There’s just so many layers to the presentation, like the veil of hair concealing her face, that add to the overall machine of fear. There’s definately also some Jungian clusterfuck going on in there involving her gender, but I’d like to emphasize that her character was based off a type of ghost that was traditionally a woman who had been married for some time.
    Cut to several hundred imitators (Japan is really good at pretending to follow the leader, isn’t it) missing the point.
    And then we jump to paedophiles who eat, sleep and breathe moé. “HAY, WUDNT IT BE KEWL IF WE HAD A PALE LOLI WHO WUZ UNSTOPPABLE AND KILLY AND SHIT?” “Yeah, but she’s got to have gigantic bug-eyes and a mouth that doesn’t even span to the corners of her eyes!”
    And so we have the lead character who I found so uninteresting I would be content to completely ignore the series and the mob’s opinion (as per tradition) had it not been for Sarv’s review. It is here that I restrain myself and may as well put a gigantic [dialogue missing] sign up.
    Now we get to the major reason I want to remove the fingernails of the modern anime viewer with bamboo slivers.
    CHARACTERS WHO HIDE BEHIND IMMORTALITY OR INCORPOREAL NATURE ARE NOT IMPRESSIVE. THEY’RE EVEN LESS IMPRESSIVE WHEN THEY SPEW BRIGHTLY COLORED LASER BEAMS FROM THEIR RECTUMS. WHEN THEY START FLYING WITHOUT EXPLAINATION IS WHEN THE VIEWER STARTS WATCHING THE SPECIAL ON BALLPOINT PENS ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL. Conversely, if the character is even slightly plausable, then it immediately shifts the scale straight back to “badass”. Essentially, personal risk involved is the lifeblood of awesome.
    Thus, Alvin York could kick Simo Häyhä’s ass any day of the week. Simo killed 700 people in under a hundred days, but he did it from a sniper’s nest. On the other hand, Alvin captured thirty German machinegun nests (totalling 132 men in all) and killed a relatively paltry number of men (28) while under fire from at least two of them at any time, FROM THE STANDING POSITION, WITHOUT COVER. That’s some John Woo shit right there.
    With this historic example of classic badassery aside, I abruptly bring this wall of text to a screaming halt with a simple “Duke could string Ai up from a lamppost with his feet.”

44. Teeif Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    Was that supposed to be London Piccadilly Circus?
    Cos it’s wrong.
    And I don’t mean the signs, the scale and facarde of the buildings is off.

    Was that supposed to be a 747?
    That’s wrong as well. The upper deck has more windows and produces a more pronounced curve.

    This Trademake infringement fails… I should know, I’m the worst at it! XD
    I call a tie at 7-7-1

    (You guessed it! I hate Golgo, he’s a GAR James Bond ripoff.)

45. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    @digitalboy:

    @LJ: [dialogue missing]

    You’re dialogue isn’t missing; it’s just hard to find in the rest of your treatise.

    I know you’ve read my prehistoric reviews, but just to reiterate for all the new fans, I agree that little girls aren’t scary:

    Enma’s one of those soft-spoken pale little girls who people think are scary for some reason. I don’t really get it, but she manages to kick sufficient ass (for a little girl)…

    My fondness of the Hell Girl series has little to do with the Hell Girl herself. Notice how all the categories Enma won were short? That’s because there isn’t much to say about her (except that she’s voiced by Mamiko Noto). Golgo 13 is about Golgo 13, but Hell Girl isn’t about Hell Girl. She has a minor role and typically doesn’t do anything interesting. There’s no question that Golgo 13 is the better character.

    You’ve caught me. I rigged the categories to make it seem competitive. And I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids. Detective Dipshit strikes again!

    @Teeif: Your London Piccadilly Circus link was broken, so I stuck my own. I never knew this LPC existed until you brought it up. I guess it pays to have a British reader (once in a while).

46. LJ Says:
    July 27th, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    The missing dialogue was where I would have actually talked about exactly that, had I actually felt like weakening my cause; where my argument would have fallen ass-up due to a lack if argument to launch at a non-featured character. The flank with inflatable animals instead of cavalry, if you will. I’ve just caught myself, much like you.

47. A Day Without Me Says:
    July 28th, 2008 at 6:52 am

    @ Baka-Raptor - Geez, I only go on /cm.

48. digitalboy Says:
    July 28th, 2008 at 8:02 am

    LJ: Thanks, I hadn’t read any truly pussy-ass oppinions lately, I needed some laughs.

49. C.I. Says:
    July 28th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    @Baka-raptor: I fail. I shall now jump off a crevice into the deepest darkest pits of Enma Ai’s lair.

50. LJ Says:
    July 28th, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    @digitalboy:
    Thank you, but I am very secure in my sexuality. Maybe some other day.

51. Baka-Raptor Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 2:02 am

    @A Day Without Me: I have no idea what that means.

    @C.I.: Thank you for censoring yourself for me. Only 4 more to go!

    @LJ & digitalboy: Just imagine what kind of trollfest my site would be if I didn’t moderate comments…

52. LJ Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 6:38 am

    Considering I was about to set him up on a lengthy chain of word-feeding that would end with me calmly telling him to stop coming on to me, it’s not hard to imagine.

53. NihonQC » Blog Archive » Golgo 13 Says:
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:49 am

    [...] la Blog-O-Sphère, je vous invite à aller regarder l’article de Baka-Raptor (en anglais), il est hilarant. “Golgo 13 :The manliest sideburns in the [...]

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