Golgo 13 vs. Hell Girl: An Objective Analysis


Round 1: Deadpan Expression

Golgo 13: Unflappable

Hell Girl: Cried once, just because she was banished from her village and buried alive

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 2: Google Fight

Hell Girl: 3,860,000 results

Golgo 13: 548,000 results

Advantage: Hell Girl

Round 3: Hairstyle

Hell Girl: Long, shiny, silky, flowing hair

Golgo 13: The manliest sideburns in the universe

Advantage: Tie

Round 4: Professionalism

Golgo 13: The Professional

Hell Girl: Screwed up twice in 400 years (conveniently at the end of each season)

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 5: Weaponry

Hell Girl: Magical flower beams emanating from her sleeve

Golgo 13: Everything he touches (rifles, pistols, teddy bears, balloons, etc…)

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 6: Invincibility

Hell Girl: Over 400 years old

Golgo 13: Nobody can kill him, but he’ll die eventually of old age

Advantage: Hell Girl

Round 7: Franchise

Hell Girl: Manga running since 2005, two 26-episode animated seasons, a third season in the works, a live action spinoff, and a Nintendo DS game

Golgo 13: Manga running since 1969, two animated movies, a live action movie, a 50 episode TV series, and two NES games

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 8: Comedy

Hell Girl: Practically nonexistent

Golgo 13: HILARIOUS (especially the sex scenes)

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 9: Voice Acting

Hell Girl: Mamiko Noto

Golgo 13: Some guy

Advantage: Hell Girl

Round 10: Efficiency

Hell Girl: Always kills her target, only kills her target

Golgo 13: Always kills his target, occasionally takes out innocent bystanders

Advantage: Hell Girl

Round 11: Real Name

Golgo 13: Duke Togo

Hell Girl: Enma Ai

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 12: Background Music

Hell Girl: la-la-la-la—la—la

Golgo 13: THUD

Advantage: Golgo 13

Round 13: Catch phrase

Hell Girl: Want to see what death is like?

Golgo 13: Don’t stand behind me.

Advantage: Hell Girl

Round 14: Affordability

Golgo 13: $3,000,000

Hell Girl: Your soul (anyone can afford it!)

Advantage: Hell Girl

Round 15: Trademark Infringement

Golgo 13:

Hell Girl:

Advantage: Golgo 13

Winner: Golgo 13 (8-6-1)

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