I Endorse Queen’s Blade

Queen’s Blade has been taking a lot of shit from even the most perverted anime bloggers. This ends now.

I typically don’t care for fanservice anime.

  • If you want porn, there’s almost definitely something better
  • If you want a story, there’s almost definitely something better

Thus, as a practical matter, I’ll only endorse a fanservice anime if it has the means between the extremes: decent porn and a bearable story.

How could we examine Queen’s Blade without looking at curves?

1. The Porn

A) Character Design

The girls women all have fully developed bodies. To some this is a major disappointment. To me this is a breath of fresh air. I’m sick of anime featuring pedophilic little girls flaunting their DFC. Consider how Queen’s Blade is superior to K-ON:

Top Five Queen’s Blade Characters I’d Consider Banging

Top Five K-ON Characters I’d Consider Banging

In other words, if you like Yui, you are a pedophile. If not for Krauser’s cameo, K-ON would be the most pedophilic anime I’ve ever seen. Funny how Queen’s Blade gets condemned for blatant fan pandering yet everyone gushes over K-ON (except Koji Oe).

Does being sexually uninterested in little girls make me more of a man than you? Yes, it does. Here’s why loser otaku like little girls: they’re not intimidating. They’re easy. They’ve never had sex, so they don’t have the basis for comparison to say you have a tiny dick.

B) Usage

I’m still amazed that much of the nudity caught me off-guard. Example: Risty and Leina are walking back to town. There’s no need for Leina to be topless but ROPES HELL YEAH! ((Want screenshots? Too bad. I have a policy against posting nudity, even if it’s mere topless nudity in non-sexual situations. Yet animeblogger.net won’t list me because Maestro thinks my website isn’t “family friendly.” In case you were wondering, yes, he approved Sankaku Complex. That’s right, apparently my website is less family friendly than Sankaku Complex.)) Surprise nudity is the best kind.

Is this sexist? Not a chance. In fact, there’s nothing more liberating than letting your tits hang out in battle. In the middle of a fight, your body is a weapon, not a sexual object. How can you fight at full strength if you’re distracted by the embarrassment of showing a little skin? If the characters on Queen’s Blade started covering their tits and squealing in the middle of a battle, that would be sexist. I’m reminded of a scene from Hokuto no Ken:

Mamiya: I’ve buried my womanly feelings to be able to fight like a man.

Rei: If you really want to fight like a man, you shouldn’t be afraid to show your chest. *Rips off Mamiya’s shirt*

Mamiya: Kyaaaaaaaaaa! *covers her chest and cowers*

Mamiya just had to be the stereotypical dainty woman. I’d just as readily criticize a man for being afraid to let his junk hang out during a fight. Back when Jason Sehorn played for the Giants, there was a game in which his pants were falling down as he was chasing a receiver. Instead of doing his job, he slowed down to pull his pants up, which allowed the receiver to score. ((UPDATE: This took place in 2000 against the LIONS, who would go on to WIN by 10 points AT NEW YORK. Officially the most pathetic play in Giants history.)) What a pussy. It almost nullifies this badass play.

Queen’s Blade even has a bit of subtle comedy laced in. Example: Leina pissing her panties when she’s in danger. Good stuff.

2. The Story

It looks like the characters are all going to fight each other. I’m never ready to comment on a plot after only one episode, but for the sake of argument, let’s say the story is that straightforward. How is that a bad thing? All the fanservice anime I’ve seen lately have had crappy plots. Akikan was about soda cans turning into magical girls. Kanokon’s Chizuru/Kouta fusion was the most idiotic thing I’ve seen in my life. To Love-Ru was about dumbass aliens doing stupid shit for no reason. Maria+Holic was about girls wearing clothes. If you sat through any of those shows, how can you criticize Queen’s Blade? (UPDATE: How could I forget Strike Witches? Oh right, it’s because I dropped that shit after one episode.)

In conclusion, screw you all. I’m going to watch Queen’s Blade, and I’m going to love it.

61 people love sucking up to me

  1. I will continue to watch Queen’s Blade from week to week HOWEVER they better be expecting me to laugh at ridiculously stupid things like acidic breast milk and exploding boobs.

    the jury is still out on the plot however i found myself laughing at how stupid some stuff was in this show

  2. I’ve been wanting to check out Queen’s Blade. It looks interesting because it seems like the characters were all drawn/created by a different person? Least they look that way from the magazines I’ve seen.

    Thanks for the trackback.

  3. I’m pedo but don’t even like Yui! As for Queen’s Blade, I did say I have a soft spot for Airi. You’ve obviously not tried assaulting a loli if you think they don’t put up a fight. Little girls these days grow up a lot faster than you think.

    Didn’t know Maestro had a stance about family friendly sites; I don’t think I would have made the cut if that were true…?

  4. “Does being sexually uninterested in little girls make me more of a man than you? Yes, it does. Here’s why loser otaku like little girls: they’re not intimidating.”

    This! QFT! I know it’s been said before, but it needs to be reiterated. Often.

  5. I fail to see how I am even remotely as much of a pervert as Shin – just ’cause I’ve reviewed some hentai (and totally scorched it all, I might add) doesn’t mean I’m perverted. I’d also like to point out that I’m not in the slightest sexually attracted to little girls, unlike 92% of the blogosphere.

  6. Subtle comedy? Isnt it a natural reaction to get rid of extra baggage when you are scared shitless, so you can run away?

    And about the tits swinging freely in battle, I’m no expert, but if the tits are bigger than A then its gonna feel uncomfortable/hurt if they jiggle around uncontrollably while you do your dodging and attacking, its going to get in the way. Isn’t that one of the reasons that fighting chicks in feudal era shows tie their breasts to their torso with cloth?

  7. Whoops I’m a pedophile. I have a feeling that I’m gonna like watching this show just because it’s so horrible. I’ve heard someone else say that it might be one of those shows that is so bad, it’s good. I can not, however, debunk the fact that it has very unique animation (from what I have seen), after all, exploding boobs only come around every so often.

  8. That pick was so nasty, I remember watching it and being like, “That catch was so nasty.” Too bad he completely shit the bed in every game after that for the rest of his career.

  9. “That’s right, apparently my website is less family friendly than Sankaku Complex.”

    That’s… something to be proud of?

  10. Damn , I haven’t read a good post like this in a while.
    From what’s I’ve seen so far anyway , Queen’s blade is better than K-on.
    though to be fair , K-on wouldn’t be that bad if Yui wasn’t so…erm…special , and since she’s the main character and all..D:

  11. Your graph is misleading because according to your post, you have much lower standards for your plot than your porn. If it were to scale, the slope coming down would be sharper (your standards for plot are “not worse than Akikan”) and the entire graph would be shifted up by a constant (for high-quality porn elements).

  12. lol anyone who goes to anime to “get their rocks off” is a bit perverted… theirs tons of porn sites that can satisfy your needs 🙂

  13. Long time no see an average post around here…
    At least was not a filler.

    Baka raptor, what is the best “hentai” anime you’d recommend/endorse ?

  14. I take both tremendous embarrassment and pride in being able to truthfully say that my initial reaction was “Wait, Queen’s Blade has an anime out now?”

  15. Aside from its obvious moe elements, K-ON’s plot development and characterizations are top notch. Of course, I think KyoAni could make an anime on paint drying interesting.

  16. @Baka-Raeptor: Older men like older women, I’ll leave the DFCs to us young people then.

    But I’d definitely consider banging the last girl of the five, and that teacher character in K-ON.

    Here’s the thing: PORN__________________________________________________________Story

    That’s how far they are.

  17. @OBALLER: Tongue rape from a giant frog in episode 2.

    @Koji Oe: I’m surprised you’re not getting more trackbacks as one of about three anime bloggers who has anything remotely negative to say about K-ON.

    @Shin: You don’t like Yui? Not even little Yui with the castanets? You’re not the man I thought you were.

    @NegativeZero: You’re TheBigN-level messed up.

    @Sorrow-kun: Why am I not QFT’d more often? I believe this is my first time.

    @Day: That why I linked to Shin under the word “most.”

    @Toonleap: You’re clearly one of my soul brothers. Take your pick:

    @Pode: The swinging helps maintain balance, similar to how pendulums are used to help towers keep their balance during earthquakes.

    @Glo-9: Exploding boobs come around surprisingly often.

    @Glo-10: He also returned an onside kick for a touchdown. Other than that, yeah, he sucked.

    @digitalboy-11: Well excuuuuuuuse me your majesty. Some of us are happy with whatever titties we can get.

    @kadian1364: Proud? No. Impressed? Undoubtedly.

    @digitalboy-13: Now, now, need for profanity fallout boy digitalboy.

    @Glo-14: So you admit to being a blogger?

    @kurotsuki: It’s true, my post rules. I’m Queen’s Blade. Most bloggers are K-ON.

    @TJ: That’d be an easy call if Kyoto Animation did Queen’s Blade.

    @Merk: My apologies, next time I’ll graph it in Matlab.

    @Kairu: That’s ok, not everyone is sexually attracted to women.

    @Epi: Can’t argue with the Ayako Doctrine.

    @Kabitzin: Yes

    @Bleach Episodes: A true Onani Master doesn’t even need porn.

    @Laguna: I know next to nothing about hentai. I hadn’t started living alone until last year, so annoying roommates were always trying to find porn on my computer. In any case, since I’ve always been content with live porn, I’ve never felt the urge to seriously check out hentai.

    @Saturnity: Here’s the list. Try finding a show more deliberately appealing to the pedophilic interests. No, I have not seen Kodomo no Jikan.

    @Omisyth: So K-ON is in the same camp as Naruto Filler.

    @TheBigN: Why am I not surprised 🙂

    @LJ: Detective Dipshit let his guard down.

    @Roy Mustang: Quite the plot. Episode 1: Girl joins band. Episode 2: Girl learns that money doesn’t grow on tress. Can’t wait for the episode when she learns the friendship is more important than success.

    @Rakuen: Screw you, I’m still plenty young. And were you talking about the teacher in pic #3 or #4? Both acceptable.

    @Aizen: Technically that only applies if you’re older than them. But yeah, you should set you sights higher.

  18. Haha interesting post. But seriously Queen’s blade seems like an excuse to showcase some hentai to me, well not that that’s a bad thing. However I don’t really like the character design’s that much. I’m all for mature sexy women with nice proportions but there’s just something I don’t like about the way some of the character’s in queen’s blade look. I guess I have a specialized criteria for character designs, and I also prefer a good story over good pron if I had to pick one. If I want hentai in my anime I’d go for better, more specialized, sources (Wait Queen’s Blade was an H game originally x.x). Well the bottom line is that Queen’s blade ended up with all the wrong qualities for an anime that I’d endorse, I understand if you like it though.

    About pedos, what’s the age difference requirement to be considered a pedo anyway? For example, if some older high school boy was attracted to one of the girls in K-on, would he be a pedo despite being only 1-2 years older? Then some college student with attraction to a high school girl would be a pedo? However, two elementary kids that like each other is perfectly fine.
    This is NOT in ANYWAY an endorsement of Pedophilia. Obviously a 30-40 year old guy eying some grade schooler is disgusting and not healthy for human reproduction. Just some food for thought.

  19. @baka-raptor: Yes the frog scene was hilarious and i did laugh… however the second ep was wayyy better than the first and it established a real plot which is gonna be sick…. also, K-ON IS THE WORST SHOW EVER. I dropped it after the second episode

  20. @ Baka-Raptor

    I’m not a blogger at all, but an ISSSer. I think that comment 19 will clear up any misunderstandings. For the record, being an ISSSer is tough, because you are constantly bombarded with sex from hot women, who are turned on by the rebellious and different aspects of ISSSers……It’s true, don’t even question it.

  21. Queen’s Blade might be a really, really terrible show, but it is what it is. You don’t need to be like “but but but but um what would be a situation where I can justify liking this show?” with it like with K-ON.

    I mean, I didn’t have a problem with say, Strike Witches where the girls are drawn to like “look young”, but at least they also didn’t act like they had a mental age of like 6. And on the flip side, I think of something like Tenjo Tenge where Aya is supposed to be what, like 14 or something but since Oh Great is drawing the series, looks quite Queen’s Blade-y.

  22. 1. I agree TheBigN’s taste is messed up.
    2. I will probably watch both K-ON and Queen’s Blade. I also approve this post.
    3. I was just as boggled when some self-professed hardcore hentai people dissed queen’s Blade for various reasons. It makes no sense to me from an objective POV. The production quality is not great (but hardly bad), but it’s not so horrible that people needs to stay away on that ground alone. the story and art is what it is, so that’s a matter of personal preferences. We got someone who gets picky with the boobs he saw in the first episode, so lols to that. But does no one notice the subtle qualities of QB pointed out in this post? The fanservice x plot analysis? The high fantasy porn motif? The fact that acid boobs with those slime hand-triggers is actually creative? It’s gold…if that’s your thing.
    4. There’s more to story and characterization in Queen’s Blade than K-ON after 1 episodes of each. But at the same time the two shows are quite similar in ways that may warrant further exploration.

  23. Bakaraptor wrote:
    “You make it sound like Episode 1 didn’t have a plot! Girl runs away, girl gets dragged back, girl runs away again. That’s
    a plot!”

    yeah…I tried to put it that way to motivate people to watch. Not many bloggers want to touch it..

    Probably the lack of fanservice cleared my mind and saw the plot that I couldnt watched in EP 1. There were interesting events here, including character development, flashbacks, etc…I think I should rename the post to…”finally, a complex plot” or “less fanservice, more plot” 🙂

  24. Finally somebody got the guts to say that he likes the series and doesnt act all high and mighty like a “grown up”.
    I cant understand how everyone criticizes QB…Its not like we were expecting anything different.Okay i admit the suprise nudity supriosed me but its not dumber than alot other shows out there

  25. Wow, your comment section is full of people missing the point. I laughed long and hard. Then I realized these people are our hope for the future, and I stopped laughing.

  26. “Here’s why loser otaku like little girls: they’re not intimidating. They’re easy. They’ve never had sex, so they don’t have the basis for comparison to say you have a tiny dick.”


  27. I actually like Queen’s Blade. I wanted to write a post about it, but I don’t have Internet, I’m in a foreign place, and I have to ride 15 kilometers just to use the Internet. Shit sucks.

  28. Wow, I didn’t come across your post here until now. I should have stopped by sooner since I see your comments on Snarky’s website rather often, your viewpoint on Queen’s Blade is surprisingly close to mine, as well as my dislike towards K-On! I need to visit your site more often.

  29. Hi,

    I love your article and I love Queen’s Blade thus I’m a woman. Why I love Queen’s Blade? Because the story is epic and the characters are just great. I don’t care about fanservice which is anecdotic compared to titles like Ikkitosen that I can’t watch more than 5 minutes.
    If only more people might be like you man, Internet wouldn’t suck as it does.

  30. I like the anime alot, for some odd reason, and I never knew why. I have to thank you for putting it into perspective. By the way, what the heck is Sakaku?

  31. First of all k-on’s not all that great but QB is BS the tits in QB are wayyyyyyu tooooo biiiiggg for my liking and anyone who doesn’t like the girls in k-on should fcking go to fcking hell (fav animes aiki,suzuka,love hina, spice and wolf, koi koi7, and many more). Fck u guys who don’t like the girls in k-on fck u fck u fck u got a prob then fck u (love me or hate me album public warning)

  32. I endorse Queen’s Blade. The fan-service borders on parody, but because the story has relevance and an almost feminist (without outright lesbianism) promotion of ‘sexuality’ and strength reminds me of Red Sonja.

    Displaying women as being commonly being made victems of men, and rescued by men might be more to your liking.

    I’m pleased with the message, if not the body-image stuff. Seriously though. Will anyone want to have absurdly large boobs like that? If they do, let them. I admit, it’ll be a little wierd at first… going from the choice of a-cup… b-cup… e-cup… to f and beyond, but trust me when I say; There will be variety enough for any and every man on this great world of ours.

    If not; well a man can dream.

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