I Endorse Queen’s Blade

Queen’s Blade has been taking a lot of shit from even the most perverted anime bloggers. This ends now.

I typically don’t care for fanservice anime.

  • If you want porn, there’s almost definitely something better
  • If you want a story, there’s almost definitely something better

Thus, as a practical matter, I’ll only endorse a fanservice anime if it has the means between the extremes: decent porn and a bearable story.

How could we examine Queen’s Blade without looking at curves?

1. The Porn

A) Character Design

The girls women all have fully developed bodies. To some this is a major disappointment. To me this is a breath of fresh air. I’m sick of anime featuring pedophilic little girls flaunting their DFC. Consider how Queen’s Blade is superior to K-ON:

Top Five Queen’s Blade Characters I’d Consider Banging

Top Five K-ON Characters I’d Consider Banging

In other words, if you like Yui, you are a pedophile. If not for Krauser’s cameo, K-ON would be the most pedophilic anime I’ve ever seen. Funny how Queen’s Blade gets condemned for blatant fan pandering yet everyone gushes over K-ON (except Koji Oe).

Does being sexually uninterested in little girls make me more of a man than you? Yes, it does. Here’s why loser otaku like little girls: they’re not intimidating. They’re easy. They’ve never had sex, so they don’t have the basis for comparison to say you have a tiny dick.

B) Usage

I’m still amazed that much of the nudity caught me off-guard. Example: Risty and Leina are walking back to town. There’s no need for Leina to be topless but ROPES HELL YEAH! ((Want screenshots? Too bad. I have a policy against posting nudity, even if it’s mere topless nudity in non-sexual situations. Yet won’t list me because Maestro thinks my website isn’t “family friendly.” In case you were wondering, yes, he approved Sankaku Complex. That’s right, apparently my website is less family friendly than Sankaku Complex.)) Surprise nudity is the best kind.

Is this sexist? Not a chance. In fact, there’s nothing more liberating than letting your tits hang out in battle. In the middle of a fight, your body is a weapon, not a sexual object. How can you fight at full strength if you’re distracted by the embarrassment of showing a little skin? If the characters on Queen’s Blade started covering their tits and squealing in the middle of a battle, that would be sexist. I’m reminded of a scene from Hokuto no Ken:

Mamiya: I’ve buried my womanly feelings to be able to fight like a man.

Rei: If you really want to fight like a man, you shouldn’t be afraid to show your chest. *Rips off Mamiya’s shirt*

Mamiya: Kyaaaaaaaaaa! *covers her chest and cowers*

Mamiya just had to be the stereotypical dainty woman. I’d just as readily criticize a man for being afraid to let his junk hang out during a fight. Back when Jason Sehorn played for the Giants, there was a game in which his pants were falling down as he was chasing a receiver. Instead of doing his job, he slowed down to pull his pants up, which allowed the receiver to score. ((UPDATE: This took place in 2000 against the LIONS, who would go on to WIN by 10 points AT NEW YORK. Officially the most pathetic play in Giants history.)) What a pussy. It almost nullifies this badass play.

Queen’s Blade even has a bit of subtle comedy laced in. Example: Leina pissing her panties when she’s in danger. Good stuff.

2. The Story

It looks like the characters are all going to fight each other. I’m never ready to comment on a plot after only one episode, but for the sake of argument, let’s say the story is that straightforward. How is that a bad thing? All the fanservice anime I’ve seen lately have had crappy plots. Akikan was about soda cans turning into magical girls. Kanokon’s Chizuru/Kouta fusion was the most idiotic thing I’ve seen in my life. To Love-Ru was about dumbass aliens doing stupid shit for no reason. Maria+Holic was about girls wearing clothes. If you sat through any of those shows, how can you criticize Queen’s Blade? (UPDATE: How could I forget Strike Witches? Oh right, it’s because I dropped that shit after one episode.)

In conclusion, screw you all. I’m going to watch Queen’s Blade, and I’m going to love it.

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