Worst Golgo 13 Episode Ever

In episode 24, a female sniper is assigned the task of killing Golgo 13. It’s impossible to beat Golgo 13 in a fair fight, and women in general fight dirty, so she plots to mess up Golgo 13’s eyesight by exposing him to the sandy Sirocco/Ghibli winds of Morocco. Little did she know that Golgo 13 found the one subtle weakness in her otherwise foolproof plan.

Goggles. BAM. The End.

What’s next? Will Golgo 13 protect himself from mildly hazardous chemical spills by wearing a lab coat? Whoever wrote this episode needs to get fired and blacklisted from the anime industry. I expect better from Golgo 13. Episodes usually fall into one of four categories, all of which kick ass:

Superhuman Feat

Concept: Golgo 13 does something so ridiculously skillful that not only can nobody else achieve the feat, nobody else thinks it’s even possible.

Example #1: Golgo 13 snipes the G-string of a violin in the middle of a solo concert for charity.

Example #2: Golgo 13 snipes a guy from a location so far away in such windy conditions that the cops don’t think a reasonable jury could find him guilty, even though THEY FOUND THE GUN AND THE BULLET CASING.

Episode 24: It’s not a superhuman feat if somebody other than Golgo 13 can do it. That even includes the awesome power of wearing goggles.

Slick Trick

Concept: Golgo 13 beats the odds with his impeccable mastery of science and technology.

Example #1: In the episode where Golgo 13 busts a death row inmate out of jail just to kill him faster, they escape a maximum-security island prison by exploiting the halation of the search lights.

Example #2: Golgo 13 gets through metal detectors with a special polymer gun and uses helium balloons to carry away the evidence.

Episode 24: There’s nothing slick about using goggles to protect your eyes. It’s common sense.

Total Heartlessness

Concept: Characters are emotionally developed with the greatest delicacy over the course of the episode. Then Golgo 13 kills them.

Example #1: Golgo 13 stalks a woman who was outcast from society for having a criminal husband who deserted her. Rather than moving away and starting anew, the woman tolerates the abuses of society for years while waiting for her husband to return. One day, her husband finally returns. Then Golgo 13 kills him.

Example #2: The retirony episode.

Episode 24: So he killed a chick he’d just fucked silly with his patented cowgirl–zombie techique. Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last.

Total Ass-kicking

Concept: Golgo 13 takes on a gang of enemies and completely wrecks them.

Example #1: Goglo 13 takes on a cult and completely wrecks them.

Example #2: Golgo 13 takes on a gang in the Amazon and completely wrecks them.

Episode 24: There was only a gang of about 15–20 people. That’s nothing for Golgo 13.

At least the episode wasn’t a complete waste. Golgo 13 did wear a white suit.


45 people love sucking up to me

  1. Protodude says:

    So, I come into a post titled “Worst Golgo 13 Episode Ever”, and come out really wanting to watch the show now. Only at Baka Raptor Dot Com!

  2. NegativeZero says:

    And yet even at its worst, Golgo 13 is better than the vast majority of the anime produced nowadays.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Well, it’s no coincidence that the vast majority of anime produced nowadays is about naked little girls. Where’s the substance? Golgo 13 putting on goggles is a hell of a lot more creative than another show about schoolgirls putting on cat ears.

  3. Yi says:

    That guy is really ripped…

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      And that’s just the tip of the iceberg:

      • Yi says:

        Those are some impressive stats and skills, especially “lures all the women in the world to the ‘height of ecstasy.'”

        Someone like that, does he ever meet a challenge?

        • Baka-Raptor says:

          No, and that’s what makes this show awesome. I was skeptical at first. Where’s the excitement if we know he’s 100% unbeatable? Then, as I watched more and more, I realized that the excitement doesn’t come from a sense of danger. The exciting thing about Golgo 13 is seeing him get the job done in the most ridiculous ways possible. That’s why seeing him save the day by wearing goggles is such a letdown.

          • otou-san says:

            I’ll second that. Creativity works best within constraints, and invincibility works against that. But he’s so unbeatable that it comes full circle to being a limitation: the game becomes about showing just how unbeatable he is, and how preposterous his triumphs are.

            Oddly, I gave up watching Golgo quite a while ago when reliable subtitles stopped coming out on any kind of schedule. But most of the examples you cited are from episodes I’ve seen. Does that mean the series has gone downhill in general?

  4. Loba says:

    Golgo 13, manly anime, not for the weak. I really love the episode where Golgo 13 snipes the violin string, shows how pro he is and how lolnoob the violin guy is.

  5. Blowfish says:

    You dont know how much I laughed about this.
    This is so downright stupid it actually works

  6. Rakuen says:

    Worst than walnuts, huh?

  7. jpmeyer says:

    “he killed a chick he’d just fucked silly with his patented cowgirl–zombie techique.”

    That sounds like every episode ever of Golgo 13

  8. So this is sorta like seeing that badass swordfighter run up to Indiana Jones with his cool moves only to be killed by a pistol in an anticlimactic fashion? Well, except the chick doesn’t seem to be badass.

  9. Glo says:

    I wish Golgo was the QB for the Giants instead of Eli. Dear God Eli.

  10. There are so many reasons why my man card ought to be revoked, but I can no longer allow “not watching Golgo 13” to be one of them. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.

  11. Kyoin says:

    If 15-20 people are nothing, then how much people would be a challenge for Golgo 13?

  12. Fat Nakago says:

    The only guy MORE manly than Golgo 13 is 4 time Camping World Truck Series Champion Ron Hornaday. Ron Hornaday could kick anyone’s ass.

  13. sniffits says:

    *sigh* It’s such a shame that girly men are Japanese women’s current flavor of the month. Duke Togo is just so sexy, and that white suit takes it over the top in sex appeal. Why don’t more women find men like him attractive? If not in physique, then at least in attitude?

    I need to get back into this series. Would you recommend the anime over the manga or should I do both?

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      I haven’t read the manga, but the anime is being subbed so slowly that I may look into it.

      The problem is moé. It’s this twisted concept that weakness is attractive. Men go after little girls. Women go after men who look like little girls. I think the Rapeman episode 1 should be required viewing in schools across Japan. It teaches women the valuable lesson that useful men > pretty boys.

  14. Laguna Loire says:

    hopefully, another MUST TO WATCH anime i’ve to put in my queue. I thought about watching it long before this post because of the awesome references you were doing in most of your mainly posts about golgo 13, however, priorities first, for a (+) or ($)? show i’d believe he would go to the bottom of the list, not the top =/

    at least, not a filler post though…

  15. Snark says:

    Maybe they the goggles were really, REALLY difficult to put on.

    Kinda like in those rpgs where I need a certain amount of intelligence just to wear a fucking hat.

  16. Epi says:

    I like how Golgo never bothers talking except when absolutely necessary, and then with the least amount of words possible. He is man above superman.

    But yes, goggles is stupid.

  17. FaS says:

    lol, dude, you’re a riot. Goggles. And I definitely have never heard of this show before….>.> hmmm. But yeah, that goggles thing seems so dumb it’s not even funny. Damn sniping hoes, they’ll just never learn.

  18. […] Funny, I could’ve sworn that Rider was ordered not to kill me. Instead of attacking Rider, I was supposed to pull Tohsaka’s hand, which is a stupid shitty option only marginally more exciting than wearing goggles. […]

  19. Mockman says:

    Wearing goggles isn’t common sense. That’s why every power tool comes with a warning to wear goggles. Every machine shop has signs that tell you that you must wear goggles.

  20. Jessie says:

    Duke killed that prostitute out of self defense. He had no intention in killing her until she pulled out a gun and aimed at him out of spite. More so, her husband was not a nice guy. She also hired Duke to kill him because she couldn’t stand him nor get away from him because he was the head honcho of a mafia organization that killed and exploited innocent people.

  21. Benimaru Nikaido says:

    IK this is an old blog but.. last night I thought about golgo 13, black lagoon and jormungand crossover :3

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