1. Quit the Holy Grail War
Given my extensive Choose You Own Adventure experience, I didn’t expect to ever die, so I impulsively picked the game’s most obvious wrong answer just to experience one of those BAD ENDs I’ve heard so much about. Dying turned out to be pretty cool, so I intentionally did it 10 more times throughout the game.
2. Sucked up to Ilya
If you could save your life by lying to a little girl, why wouldn’t you? I’m not Shirou. I’m not trying to be a hero. I just wanted to get out of there before I got raped.
Also, it was totally unclear that Ilya meant Servant servant. I thought she meant metaphor servant, or at least literal servant.
3. Spent the last night with Saber
I thought spending time with Saber would get her to accept my sheath. She didn’t do it literally or metaphorically.
Unlimited Blade Works:
1. Jumped down the stairs
I distinctly remembered a stairs-jumping scene from the anime. Upon further review, the stairs-jumping scene came shortly after this non-stairs-jumping scene I was supposed to choose. I must’ve forgotten about it because it didn’t feature an awkward upskirt shot.
2. Asked Issei about Caster
Cheapest death in the game. You know what it’s called when you strip a guy naked to get information out of him and then decide not to ask him any questions? Homosexuality.
3. Chose to protect Saber over Tohsaka
If she didn’t want to get her ass kicked, she should’ve brought Archer along. Serves her right for yelling at me earlier in the arc for not having my servant with me at all times.
4. Went to the church a little early
Right before you’re asked if you want to go to the church, there’s an interlude showing everything capable of killing you gathering there. You’re also in a half-dead from a previous battle. It seemed so wrong it had to be right.
1. Randomly killed by Ilya
Taiga’s dojo was actually helpful for once. I had no idea that comically running away from Tohsaka a few days earlier would get me killed by Ilya. No regrets though; Tohsaka’s death note was hilarious.
2. Chose to be Tohsaka’s slave
3. Attacked Rider
Funny, I could’ve sworn that Rider was ordered not to kill me. Instead of attacking Rider, I was supposed to pull Tohsaka’s hand, which is a stupid shitty option only marginally more exciting than wearing goggles.
4. Tried to kill Sakura
I was a pussy and wouldn’t take off the shroud. By this point in the game, I should’ve known that the logical choice never beats the moral choice.
5. Saved Saber
The logical choice beat the moral choice.