Any “Top Anime” List without Detroit Metal City can go to Hell

A lot of bloggers have recently posted their Top N Anime of the Decade lists. I’ve never cared to write these kinds of trendy posts (though I’m more than happy to criticize them). Even if I did get in on the posts, the vast majority of my readers wouldn’t care that it was part of some blogosphere-wide circle jerk. Most of my readers don’t read other blogs, and after looking through some of these other bloggers’ top anime lists, I’m not surprised. Not a single one mentions Detroit Metal City.

But Baka-Raptor, top anime lists are subjective!

Your mom is subjective. Even if each individual list is subjective, aggregating subjective preferences across an entire community invariably drags objectivity into the picture. If DMC is so good, why isn’t it in anyone’s top five? Because most anime bloggers are pussies. Their Top Five lists are full of shows that make them feel warm and fuzzy. Where are all the AWESOME shows? The only person who wrote a Top Five list I can endorse in good conscience is Kairu, who has a shitty blog but decent taste in anime (miz’s list is also acceptable).

This wouldn’t be such a big deal if people honestly didn’t like DMC, but that’s not the case at all. DMC has received nothing but glowing praise from everyone who’s ever watched it. The problem isn’t that DMC doesn’t deserve to be in anyone’s top five; the problem is that nobody truly appreciates how great it is.

Detroit Metal City has the Best Soundtrack in the Universe

The only way I’m able to complete my harsh, imitation mountain training (9 out of 10 orphans can’t tell the difference) is by summoning Krauser’s demonic energy through my mp3 player.

Detroit Metal City is Addictive

I was going to write a first impressions post, but then I discovered that I had already finished the entire anime, so here is a review.

There are only a handful of shows I consider more addictive than DMC. They all have continuous plots. How can a show with no continuity between episodes can be addictive? I have no idea. DMC once again does the impossible.

Detroit Metal City defies Expectations

Everyone’s well aware of the first two points (badass soundtrack and addictiveness). Here’s a point that was once obvious but quickly forgotten: DMC is not supposed to be funny. The dual-life gag was beaten to death by The Flintstones. Rape is the ultimate comedic taboo. Anime comedies in general fall flat. Yet despite all this, Detroit Metal City is the funniest show I’ve ever seen.

Detroit Metal City is Intelligent

But Baka-Raptor, singing about rape and murder isn’t intelligent!

That’s what’s wrong with the modern education system. You’re taught to engage in Pavlovian fits of intellectual masturbation triggered by anything remotely metaphorical, philosophical, or—god forbid—metaphysical, yet nobody pauses to think that jokes, especially the non-satirical ones, require intelligence to create. Rewatch the Tokyo Tower episode. It’s not just the punchlines that are brilliant. Analyze the intricacy, efficiency, and subtlety of their setups. They belong in a museum.

Detroit Metal City is Moé

I can accept that some people like K-ON, so long as they admit it’s 13 episodes of trashy, repetitive, uncreative, pedophilic fanservice, but TOP FIVE ALL-TIME? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Why not pick a GOOD show with moé fanservice, like DMC? Krauser-tan is the most moé character of all time, and she would’ve won SaiMoe if anyone had told me when it was taking place or how to enter her.

In conclusion, if your name is not kluxorious, your Top Anime of the Decade list is bullshit, you are a pedophile, and I’m never speaking to you again.

Tags:

82 people love sucking up to me

  1. digitalboy says:

    >>Not a single one mentions Detroit Metal City

    BULL FUCKING SHIT! http://fuzakenna.com/2009/12/25/200-anime-worth-taking-with-us-into-the-next-decade/

    44 NIGGA READ THAT SHIT.

  2. Shinmaru says:

    I started downloading Detroit Metal City yesterday because I realized how retarded I was for not seeing it.

  3. RP says:

    Krauser-tan will win SaiMoe, rape every other contestant and reverse rape their dads!

    Yeha, I can’t disagree with anything you’ve said. DMC definitely belongs in any top anime list. Subjectively, it’s hands down the most outrageous and funniest anime I’ve ever seen. Objectively, it’s unique as hell and breaks away from so many cliche settings in doing so.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      So that’s why they all conspired to run SaiMoe without telling me: they knew they’d get raped.

      Yeha, I can’t disagree with anything you’ve said. DMC definitely belongs in any top anime list. Subjectively, it’s hands down the most outrageous and funniest anime I’ve ever seen. Objectively, it’s unique as hell and breaks away from so many cliche settings in doing so.

      You are forgiven.

  4. gaguri says:

    Well my list is only for TV series but I should have made an exception for what was obviously the best anime of the decade.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Why didn’t you say so earlier? I thought it was strange that an “artfag” such as yourself would leave out DMC, the greatest artistic achievement of the past decade.

      You are forgiven.

  5. Good show. Yeah comedy takes intelligence to put together. It’s also easy to confuse intelligence with intellectualizing. The latter doesn’t really require a lot of the former, while the former can easily manifest without the latter. Can the latter be valued in itself? Sure. People value moe and gar as elements too. If it’s fun, then it’s fun.

    When the whole game of x is better than y because of abc is invoked, I’m not sure there’s a lot of intelligence that goes into the playing. Happy New Year. I’m in your hell, croaking your Krausers.

  6. kluxorious says:

    *nods wisely in agreement* X)

  7. Gunstray says:

    My new years resolution, watch DMC until I get 10 rapes per second right

  8. Martin says:

    Well, yeah. I made a point of only listing anime shows I’d actually finished so if I’d seen DMC to the end it would’ve been on my top 50 because, simply put, it fucken ruled. The Tokyo Tower episode was legendary but it did manage to make rape jokes funny. No small feat, that.

    Happy 2010, you anime-watching dinosaur, you.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      You didn’t finish DMC? What the hell is wrong with you? However, you did see the error of your ways and admit it “fucken ruled” enough to deserve a spot on your top 50…

      You are forgiven.

  9. BWAHHAHAHAHA!!! YES, DMC IS MOE!!!!

    Oh I agree to many positive points that DMC has xD

    I wanna add that DMC actually teaches MORAL VALUES despite the rape songs. Come on, KRAUSER TAUGHT A BOY TO STUDY!!!!!! xD IT’S GOOD INFLUENCE!!! HAHAHAHHA!

    Anywayz, I haven’t seen most of this kind of lists . . . seriously no DMC except one??? So sad . . .

  10. Dez691 says:

    DMC is also full of lessons you’ll take with you for your entire life.
    When I first watched it I learned that not sleeping to watch anime can actually be fun and I learned that writing rape 11 times on the back of your test just for fun can get very complicated to explain, yet makes you strangely awesome between your friends.
    It is also a very good standard to measure people’s worth in society. I’m using DMC to determine which blogs I’m not reading anymore and which ones i should start reading and which people are worthy of being my friends and which aren’t.

  11. Landon says:

    What a world we live in, where anime about raping inanimate objects and singing about murder has to go straight-to-DVD, but anime about luring fans into wanting to rape little girls and singing about cake and flying panties are considered OK for broadcast. Pretty sure we live in the bizzaro universe where Kirk has a goatee (and watches K-On).

    This is all assuming DMC HAD to go straight-to-DVD due to content issues, which I think is a safe assumption.

  12. sniffits says:

    So, people list Code Geass as a top five (which I consider to be the best recent example of when fake-intellectual depth goes too far) as their top five, but not DMC? Well, not surprised, sadly. We live in a world where people also think Ouran and Hetalia are funny.

    Or am I being too critical?

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Yes, you’re being too critical. Code Geass is what it is. IT IS WHAT IT IS! So what if other shows are better? If people enjoy Code Geass, doesn’t that make it just as good?

      You are forgiven.

  13. Sorrow-kun says:

    No one questions that DMC is a good anime. No one, and anyone who does is a gigantic berkface. My question is, is it a “great” one. This, I think, is why people think twice before putting it on their lists. But, what would I know, I’ve only seen half of it.

  14. Omisyth says:

    DMC’s good but everything on my list is better. Sorry.

  15. Noname--- says:

    i didn’t get this.
    i don’t care about a shit gothic horror anime
    and all u did was giving opinions
    no facts doesn’t make sense.
    and even making ur last comment
    |In conclusion, if your name is not kluxorious, your Top Anime of the Decade list is bullshit, you are a pedophile, and I’m never speaking to you again| again where are your facts your only talking about yourself and don’t listen what other say cause you to scared that other people don’t like your anime.if you have no facts to defend your point how do you want to prove it.another idiotic and sad thing that you wrote was about a stupid g@y named kairu with the same taste as you(hard to find).and saying every list without your precious detriot metal city is bad not worth to watch,i think you are pretty sad aren’t ya

    last question are you a gothic or emo

    • Laguna Loire says:

      What ?! How can you disagree with your Majesty Baka-Raptor ? He is the finest, educated and well mannered Raptor in the universe. I still haven’t seen Metroid Metal City, but Baka-Raptor’s tastes are unquestionable !

      I bet your “Top Anime” list must contain some filthy pedophile show like Clannad After Story, like is shown in the majority of myanimelist.net top 5 lists for instance, this is the only reason why i believe someone would argue against his Majesty Baka-Raptor.

      So…you’re probably wrong.

      • Noname--- says:

        Very funny to see some gothic otaku living in his/her virtuel world and calling some person “majesty”,and while you don’t even know the definition of baka or raptor.and suggesting that he is the finest,educated and well mannered “raptor” in the world, first of all if he is wel educated he wouldn’t waste his time of watching anime cause he was to busy with real live.second if he was well mannered then he wouldn’t curse with:any “top anime”list without detriot metal city can go to hell.and when i look at his disgusting gothic and emo pictures i would like to just commit suicide.and i can see your are so poor educated that you also don’t know the definition of “pedophile” cause it means that an adult has sexual preference to prepubescent children,and if you think that it makes me a pedophile to watch clannad then it’s to bad cause I’m only 13(too bad for you)and i feel sorry for you that i am smarter then you.

        so i have still questions for both you and baka-raptor are you gothics or emo’s
        and please come with facts to argue with me cause if you can’t even win a discussion with someone from 13
        then you are sad.

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Gee, it sure is a windy day.

  16. Kairu says:

    I watched the DMC OVA but I gotta say, it sucked. But its just like my opinion man. And DMC is not my type of anime. I like K-ON better.. kidding.

    >some people like K-ON
    And by some you mean no one right?

  17. Glo says:

    I didn’t even do a top five anime of the decade post, because I am lazy.

    That being said, Detroit Metal City probably wouldn’t have been on it, although it would have been on a top ten anime of the decade.

    That being said, DMC was completely fucking awesome, and I’m still reading the manga, which is pretty much just as awesome.

  18. Laguna Loire says:

    Btw, you’re doing great posts in these holidays Baka-Raptor ^^

  19. Now I feel bad for not taking that one extra step further given my evangelizing :( Funny thing is the reason why I even wrote a review of DMC in the first place was because I felt it wasn’t getting proper respect out there and I felt it my duty to spread the love and hilarity.

  20. Michael says:

    I don’t really dig comedies, and I haven’t watched DMC yet.

    But you should go watch Kara no Kyoukai. It’s the best thing ever.

    Also, Happy New Year (or holidays~)

    P.S. Where’s my Opal Mehta book?!

  21. Chrhndy says:

    Thanks, Baka-Raptor. After downloading only one episode of this epic series, I realized how I was a pussy on choosing anime to watch. What a study of bipolar disorder.

  22. Jacob Martin says:

    My top ten of the decade contained FLCL, Azumanga Daioh and Kaiba. Also it has freaking Read or Die in it. Detroit Metal City would be in there but I never finished watching it because of study. Lucky Star is not in my top ten.

  23. foomafoo says:

    I disregard OVAs whenever I do arbitrary rankings — I often go for series (of course, I know it was irrational haha) but I do agree that this anime is awesome.I didn’t had the chance to blog it though. — will find time.

  24. FaS says:

    Hey, sup man! Long time no read. Beeen suupper busy. ANYWAYS, lol, unfortunately I haven’t seen DMC, so I’m safe from hell right? Lol, anyways, yeah, I guess I can’t say as much as I wish I could, but maybe people don’t remember putting it in because it wasn’t as “mainstream” as some other shows and because it’s come and gone & the feeling from watching it has subsided. Not having seen DMC yet, I personally think Soul Eater was the best, and most diverse anime, but put bakemonogatari just because it was in 2009 and had a wonderful production value and GREAT metaphorical ideas.

  25. Skaene says:

    Oh my, I don’t believe there are people who are capable to put K-ON on their “top 10 anime of the decade list” rather than DMC…
    I bet even the pig of capitalism would turn sadistic and willing to beat them for that.

    Now I wonder… if Tokyo Tower was underage, maybe they would have included DMC on their list?

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Even if it’s Krauser, there’s no way he could say “statutory rape” 10 times in one second. You overlooked the impact of loli rape on the show’s other jokes, but,

      You are forgiven.

  26. LJ says:

    I named my dog Krauser. He went on to hate everyone, and almost everything. I named my boning knife “Johannes Krauser II”. Only one out of four people who asked me about the monogram appreciated the hilarious and not tired at all joke. The rest of them gave me a wide berth for the rest of my employment there. I convinced my friend over in Basic Training to name his rifle Krauser as well. The others mocked him for not giving it a woman’s name, but then Krauser raped Ludmilia, Vera, AND Sasha in a little under a third of a second. My friend got some Article 15 for that.
    I regret not one of these things.

  27. Yi says:

    Loll. Your writing style always makes me laugh even if I completely disagree with you.
    Anyway, I tend to avoid trendy posts as well.

  28. Brett Favre > Eli Manning

    • Baka-Raptor says:

      Yes, Brett Favre is a better football player than Eli Manning. However, as far as douchebaggery goes, Favre beats Elisha by miles. That’s no easy feat. Sometimes it’s hard to forget that some people can be more of bitch than Elisha, but,

      You are forgiven.

  29. chii says:

    dmc was in my top 5 ovas of the decade list :D

  30. Doriinatrix says:

    I have to agree. I’m rewatching it again, and no matter how many times I’ve read/watched the same gags, it’s still hilarious. Viz needs to license the anime too! Go to DMC! Go to DMC!

  31. [...] at the end of the decade (even if you consider my timekeeping wrong, I don’t care) is Baka-Raptor’s. He didn’t even make a list. He just told everybody who did to go straight to hell (very much [...]

  32. otou-san says:

    I didn’t do one of those posts. I generally didn’t care when other people did. I thought it was because most anibloggers were 12 when the decade started. But now I understand the real reason.

    But since this comment thread is about begging forgiveness, I still haven’t watched the live action movie.

  33. Zantetsu says:

    There’s a reason the Monty Python comedy troupe remains legendary to this day: All the sketches they wrote were intelligent, even when they were downright absurd from start to finish. Hell some of the comedy around today is derived from theirs.

    This one is going in my agenda.

  34. Eroshiyda says:

    “Your mom is subjective.” Best comeback ever!

  35. Jubbz says:

    Krauser II Is my Idol.

    RAPE IS GOOD

  36. issa-sa says:

    Not that I don’t agree with the fact that DMC deserves a spot on everyone’s top 5 anime lists, but your post title sort of demands that I spell Detroit as Detriot? Just saying you could be misleading some people like Noname up there…

  37. [...] Metal City was on my radar for a while, but after reading another set of positive reviews about the series, coupled with my desire to start of 2010 with something hilarious [...]

  38. BrikHaus says:

    After watching DMC I realized I needed to update my blog’s list of Top 20 Awesomest Anime of the Decade. To think I had almost missed watching this series. Krauser would surely have been summoned from Hell to rape me into oblivion.

  39. [...] Rejection: Didn’t expect this to go anywhere. I was right, but it was worth a quick draft to make sure. Ended up writing a post criticizing other lists. [...]

  40. Krauser says:

    Go to school…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Holy shit, a comment RSS feed!

baka-raptor@baka-raptor.com

Back to how much I rule...