I beat up Watanuki

Fresh off my victory against Raki, I mysteriously found myself in Yuko’s shop. Greeting me with a sultry smile, Yuko offered to grant my deepest darkest desires. I immediately asked for the one thing all men crave: a roast leg of lamb.

When Yuko summoned Watanuki to cook it, Watanuki threw one of his usual bitchy tantrums, so I body-slammed him into a cactus. That just made him shriek even louder. Would anything shut this jackass up? I had no choice but to unleash the ultimate forbidden jutsu: linking him to Watanuki x Doumeki yaoi doujinshi. Befuddled at the notion that any psychotic fangirl would want to see him naked, Watanuki’s brain exploded.

Posing victoriously on Watanuki’s corpse, I let out a hearty chuckle and reiterated my demand for a leg of lamb. No sooner had those words left my mouth than Maru and Moro pranced around singing “leg of lamb! leg of lamb!”. Those dumbass useless non-lesbian kids couldn’t have picked a worse time to rekindle my rage. I grabbed each by the neck and bashed their heads into each other. Shortly thereafter they died of hemorrhages.

Yuko wept at the lost lesbian potential of Maru and Moro. Reminding her that they never had souls in the first place, I told Yuko, “I didn’t kill them; they were already dead.” Yuko was totally consoled by my poignant obeservation. Then she started humping me. Although Yuko looked to be above the age of statutory consent, I insisted that she proffer two forms of government-issued photo ID, just to be safe. All she had was an expired driver’s license, so I firmly rejected her. Yuko understood.

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