Endless Eight? More like Endless Pedophilia

Endless Eight was a waste of time, money, human resources, natural resources (e.g., oil, gas, animal pelt), bandwidth, and chakra. Good thing I didn’t watch Endless Eight—I watched Finite Five (skipped eps 5-7). It was only five-eighths as pedophilic.

You just read the most flattering review of Endless Eight on the internet.

Come on guys, IT IS WHAT IT IS! It’s a story about a time loop; why wouldn’t you expect repetition? If you didn’t like it, you were probably watching it wrong. Or maybe you weren’t in the show’s target audience, so you have no right to complain. I just happen to think that ‘who enjoys, wins.’

…is what I might say if I had no balls. If you’re looking for an excuse to hold a positive opinion of something that sucks, you’ve come to the wrong place. This post is an unbiased, objective analysis of Endless Eight’s successes and failures—nothing more, nothing less.

As I was watching Endless Eight, I saw the need for at least four episodes:

  • A suspiciously normal slice-of-life episode (EE1)
  • A time loop revelation episode (EE2)
  • A hint episode
  • A solution episode (EE8)

We got all of those except a hint episode. Therefore, at least three-eighths of the episodes have my permission to exist. This leaves EE3-EE7, the five episodes with no new material:

EE3: On one hand, it gave the audience a chance to scour the story for clues before the solution was revealed. On the other hand, it didn’t accomplish anything that rewatching EE2 couldn’t. Half-justified.

EE4: Had some artistic merit. Also gave us some fake hints (all that cloud/airplane stuff). Otherwise pointless. Half-justified.

EE5: An obvious waste of time.

EE6: An obvious waste of time.

EE7: An obvious waste of time.

Conclusion: Endless Eight was twice as long as it should’ve been. Unless, of course, Kyoto Animation had to sense to back up their gimmickry with new material, like this:

A story about a time loop should not suck. Eight episodes should be too few. All it takes to be successful is a little, you know, creativity. Too bad Kyoto Animation doesn’t know the meaning of the word. They want to be creative, but they’re too damn cowardly to deviate from the source material. Why add new substance when you could resort to bullshit gimmickry? Allow my master directorial skills to turn Endless Eight into something watchable:

  • EE1: A suspiciously normal slice-of-life episode (same)
  • EE2: A time loop revelation episode (same)
  • EE3: Kyon actually bothers to try something, fails
  • EE4: Kyon fails again, knows time will repeat, blows his life savings on strippers instead of going to sleep
  • EE5: An episode told from Nagato’s point of view
  • EE6: An “I love you” scene gone horribly wrong
  • EE7: Several variations on Kyon’s failed attempts
  • EE8: The solution episode (same)

That took about five minutes. I wonder why Kyoto Animation thought it could get away with the same exact thing for eight episodes. Oh yeah, it’s because everybody praised their bullshit gimmickry the first time around. This is why it’s important to complain about things that suck. People who make this shit need beatings, not hugs. “Who enjoys, wins“? What a joke. Who enjoys, gets abused.

And now we get another potentially good story ruined by bullshit gimmickry and pedophilia. All for a homework party. Seriously. Is a missing a homework party so regrettable that you’d repeat time 15,000+ times? Maybe I just don’t understand women.

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