Group 5 vs. The Dragon

A lurking dragon once threatened to invade the Mystic Isle of Circlejerkia. The noble warriors from Avvesione’s Anime Blog, Metanorn, Ambivalence, or is it Ambiguity, and Baka-Raptor were assembled to fight it. This team would forever be known as Group 5.

Avvesione made the first move. He used his love of setting to project a reality marble too serene and emotive for the dragon to have any will to fight. Kyokai, the current boss of Metanorn, summoned Metanorn Hetairoi, calling forth all 23 past and present heroes of Metanorn to launch a full-frontal onslaught against the dragon. While Metanorn challenged the dragon head-on, the cowardly Valence ordered AOIA’s multiple personalities to stealthily observe the dragon in an attempt to find any weaknesses. Baka-Raptor watched idly from above, unwilling to sully his magestic claws on such a hideous beast.

As the battle raged, AOIA was unable to find any weaknesses in the dragon’s thick scales. Metanorn was losing ground, and the reality marble began to crumble. It became increasingly clear that the dragon was invulnerable to physical attacks. There was only one means of defeating it: blogging.

Avvesione kicked off the second wave of attacks by writing a post that was relatively short for his blog. The mighty dragon lost its endurance by the eighth paragraph and opened up a new browser tab to look at porn. Metanorn immediately published a post with flashing images and neon text to send the dragon into an epileptic seizure (and divert bandwidth from the porn). AOIA began to feel sorry for the dragon and tried to cheer it up with emo tales of teenage sexual frustration. The dragon continued to writhe in agony.

The dragon was desperate for a good post and knew Baka-Raptor could deliver. The dragon waited, but Baka-Raptor never updated. The suspense tortured the dragon until it exploded. Circlejerkia was safe from intruders once again.

Worst Blog Titles Ever

Ambivalence, or is it Ambiguity? is run by teenagers, which is no surprise, since the title looks like it was lifted straight from an SAT vocab list. If they’d waited one more day, it would’ve been called Bellicose, or is it Belligerent?

Metanorn only exists because Metatron was taken. I wonder what they eat…

Avvesione’s Anime Blog follows the “possessive form of username Anime Blog” format.

Group podcast here.

Vote here.

29 Replies to “Group 5 vs. The Dragon”

  1. Awesome self-portrait of you riding a shark with an RPG. That grin on your face is supreme bliss.

    And an excellent post, too; it turned out better than I imagined and I wish more blogs did something fun like this for the tournament.

    • I gave this post a pretty substantial revision since previewing it on the podcast, so I certainly hope it turned out better than it sounded. Cool that I inspired the fanfic posts from you guys, though if I knew it was going to catch on, I would’ve pushed for collaboration beforehand.

      It wasn’t a self-portrait, just a picture some stranger took of me that I happened to find on the internet. I feel it adequately depicted my potential to be summoned into the Rider class.

  2. Well, I think I’ll leave the rest to Lady Luck, though I really don’t believe in her anyway. I doubt ALL of us are teenagers, though. I’m not sure about the ages of Smiley, Anima and Carillus.

    • No need for that “really” anymore, as you have absolutely no reason to believe in Lady Luck after the thrashing I gave you.

      Team blogging is a cutthroat industry. Any blogger over 18 gets replaced.

  3. You should have also addressed the fact that the title’s there just solely to reference my name, which would also be something a teenager would do~

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