25 Replies to “Talk-A-Raptor 09: Baka-Raptor Goes to Hogwarts”

  1. I pretty much agree with your assessment of Harry Potter. The sense of “there’s a really awesome story lurking in there somewhere” really gets at it.

    Great choice of music for your own story. I’ll rewatch it while sipping my Earl Grey at some point.

    I never got the Indian element in this tale. It really just seemed like a failed attempt at a seamless affirmative action addition. Like, wouldn’t Indian witches have their own kind of South Asian magic??

  2. Pretty sure the room and board weren’t free. Sure you didn’t waste a bunch of magical gold lying around in a bank account you never knew you had?

    Dumbledore scammed you. And he knew you’d leave before he had to deliver results.

  3. If you have reading modern day fantasy stores then have you ever heard of The Dresden Files?

    It might sound a lot like Harry Potter but it’s actually completely different. The main character is combination of a grizzled private detective and a fireball totting wizard. One reason I think you might like it is that several books in he animates and rides a zombie dinosaur, I figure that would appeal to you. In addition not only does he only sleep with women over 18, at one point he actually dumped a bucket a woman who was trying to seduce him with a naked towel because she was “just a kid” (though I think she was actually over 18 at that point).

  4. What is with British people’s English? Like adding a u to color to make it colour. Colour is even counted as a misspelled word when writing this comment. English people are ruining the English language.

    • Just imagine all the British sailors who’ve died because they had to waste precious seconds adding extra u’s to their Morse code.

      One time I lost a spelling bee because of the word zigzaggery (which is also counted as misspelled when writing this comment) and have hated English ever since. I’m down with any of these replacement systems.

  5. I was watching Lord of the Rings (Return of the King), and when that giant spider appeared, the only thing I can think of is that it would be an impossible creature due to the reasons that you stated. I forget where I heard that but I don’t really care so whatever.

    Ravenclaw is clearly the best house. The name is the most bad-ass. The colors are similar to the Denver Nuggets, who are awesome, though not as awesome as they were when they had K-Mart throwing people into the stands and not giving a fuck about anyone. Speaking honestly I feel like Purple and Silver would be a better fit for the house, or blue and silver, but whatever. Fucking bad-ass house. Hufflepuff are a bunch of duffers.

    • Probably the bottom of a Snapple cap or something.

      Ravenclaw put out only two relevant characters: Luna (awesome) and Cho (bitch). Padma = irrelevant. So as much as I like Ravenclaw in theory, it’s clearly been watered down by having to accept 25% of each incoming class.

  6. You better not fuck up this novel, especially after the way you tore apart that Indian girl’s chicklit way back when.

  7. Baka-Raptor, after seeing your opinion on “Indian girls,” I’m curious.

    Let’s say you met a girl, all right? She’s your perfect ten, good-looking, funny, has everything you want in a woman.

    There’s just one thing: she’s Indian. Now hold on, before you answer, here’s one more detail: She hates India, and everything about it, just like you. In fact, as you have once worded it, “She has nothing to do with India other than the fact that her parents are from India. India sucks.”

    What do you think, would you go for it?

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